Goblin

[tags via : @heavenly-havoc]

I heard this person say "uhhhh yeah can I get a prosquito sandwich please?" and I knew I'd never be the same. Prosquito. Prosquito. Its everything to me. I haven't been able to stop saying that lmfao. This is my spinch. This is my bagel and creem cheems. This is my ranibow sprimkle.

The kid was picked up by an ambulance 30 minutes later.

Now as an adult working in security I get SO MANY folks- upper-middle aged mostly- coming to me to 'rat out' people they think are faking it.

I was once sent into a bathroom because a client demanded that the "fucker won't get out, so go drag them out"- I was NEVER going to do that, so I did a wellness check instead. You know who it was? A person recently released from the hospital after a car accident. They had a hole in their skull and major hearing loss. They couldn't answer the owner because they couldn't HEAR the owner.

Another time about a homeless man who got around town by kicking the ground from his wheelchair. "You know he doesn't actually need that thing, his legs work fine, it's just for pity points"- Oh, so he's not paralyzed, his wheelchair is performative? Funny story Dale, I actually know that guy, he was backed over by a truck and has chronic pain from his shattered pelvis. But sure, let's make him stand up and walk everywhere so nobody feels too bad for him and tries to help him or something.

"She doesn't need that scooter, I've seen her get out of it."

"Look how fat he is, because he just rides around and refuses to get up."

"She doesn't really need that cane- she comes here without it all the time"

- @supervillain-smut

That’s totally valid! Honestly, Gorty can be…a bit of an acquired taste? He’s not your Stereotypically Hot antagonist, but he’s expressive, charismatic, and a compelling, nuanced character with perfectly human idiosyncrasies once you look beyond his emo hair and silly shoes. And that makes him incredibly magnetic imho. Full disclosure though, the big nose, under-eye shadows, and smug bastardry really hit my buttons from the start. The emo rocker look is a huge bonus. You can take me out of Hot Topic, but you’ll never take the Hot Topic out of me.

But yeah, this turned into a bit of an overboard character analysis? This pixel man is one of the most polarizing pixel men on the planet. Nobody I’ve seen has said, “Oh, Gortash? Yeah, he’s ‘meh’.” Ten seconds on screen, and you’ll want to throw your undies at him or decapitate him on the spot. (some of us gorty girlies would probably do both, tbh). He’s done despicable things in the name of survival, power, and simple pleasure; he’s a domineering, tenacious, S&M-loving Hot Topic enthusiast laced with parental angst and religious fanaticism, and grandiosity. Ruthless and cunning, he's a genius unafraid of flaunting his power and wealth, but who, behind a cultivated veneer of resilience, dominance, and villainy, is also incredibly damaged. Also, he probably has anxiety (bear with me there). I’ll try to avoid big plot spoilers here while still being thorough about his backstory etc.

Oh. Did I mention he’s voiced by Jason Isaacs? Because that…Does Things. sorry this is really long but i literally cannot shut up about my grimy greasy raccoon man. if you want my personal headcanons about anything hmu

So most stories take place when Events are Happening, and this means that no matter what kind of job the characters have, they’re probably not too focused on them. Fanfics, on the other hand, often show the down time. Which means that the writer has to figure out what the hell these characters do in their jobs. Unless the characters have a job the author understands or knows well, the author is often at a loss for what to have the character doing.

So they sit them at a desk and give them paperwork. What is the paperwork for? Rarely specified. It is Paper Work for the characters Important Adult Job they have and they need to read or sign it or something. And there’s always a line about how Character Hates Paperwork. Doesn’t matter if Character is a Mafia Boss or a General or a Diplomat, here they are in an office trying to get out of Doing Paperwork.

There’s also a sense of, like, humor and mundanity that comes with it. Like the examples above, it always particularly stands out to me when a dangerous individual is griping about some paper they need to sign or something. The less you can picture Character doing paperwork, all the better to force it upon them. If Character is saddled with Paperwork, they’re usually now concerned about the physical damages their motley crew causes, because damage = More Paperwork.

Timesheets

Expense reports

Requisition requests

Budget justifications

Payroll

Performance evaluations

Incident reports

After action reviews / post-mortem analyses

Incident Action Plans

Contracts

Contract proposals / grant applications

even when the royalty look like they're just fucking off to have fun, they're doing Socially Mandated Fuck-Off and Have Fun Time

Invoices.

Intake sheets (information about new clients. The one for my firm is 13 pages and requires an hour long meeting. Then you have to do something with the info gathered)

Data entry for invoices and intake sheets.

Billing. (More involved than timesheets because you’re justifying to clients why you’re getting paid so much).

Form letters.

Taxes. Including 1099s for any contracted work.

Bank statements/accounting spreadsheets. Gotta track how expenses are trending.

Insurance documents.

General messages. Lots of office still use a paper system for missed calls and “important” stuff because it just works better than emails and chats for some people.

Cause there’s the invoice, and the follow up invoice and the we are about to have a problem follow-up invoice.

There’s the incident report and then the I swear I yelled at that worker about this don’t be mad at me if they do it again second warning documentation

The requisition form and the it has been six months now get me the fucking thing or you’re gonna hear from Cindy escalations form.

Act like you're being interviewed, and answer a bunch of questions about how you came up with your story.

Pick a character, and think through how they were first conceived. Then go through all their different variations until they reached where they are now.

MUSIC!!! What would your characters listen to? What's a story-driven/musical song with lyrics that fit your story? What is a song that would be in your story's trailer? Look at video game soundtracks for your character's theme. (I recommend Undertale/Deltarune for some classics, Sonic Mania for a more upbeat techy sound, and The Great Ace Attorney if you have a more fantasy setting.)

Think about how your MCs would hangout when there isn't an ominous plot point looming over them.

Try talking to your MC or villain out loud, and think of how they would respond. Don’t feel pressured to write it down, just say it out loud. Record a voice memo on your phone so you can save any banger lines you'd wanna reuse. (Bonus points if you give the character a specific voice.)

Find a color palette for your story.

PINTEREST!!! They have lots of quotes and photos that are good character inspiration. But Pinterest is especially useful if you're like me and can’t draw for shit. (or just taking a break from drawing.) It's fun to be able to visualize your characters and settings, and gives you a better understanding.

Watch a show/movie or read a book that has a similar vibe as your story! Sometimes all you need is to see a finished product to be reminded that you have something special.

Talk your story out with a trusted friend or fellow writer. This often helps me the most because it leads to ideas just pouring out before I even realize. You also get free ideas and critique from them. (If you have no one to discuss with feel free to show me and I'll give you some honest feedback.)

TAKE A BREAK!!! I cannot overstate how important this is. The world's hard enough without you burning yourself out. Let yourself rest and when you come back it'll be like you unlocked a hidden part of your brain. Make sure to take proper care of yourself as well, sleep, eat, and drink water to ensure your brain is at peak performance for creating.

⟢ "I'm getting mixed signals here." "I could tie you up and threaten you with a knife." "That... would not help."

⟢ "You‘re staring." "So are you."

⟢ "Keep talking like that and I might think you care." "God forbid."

⟢ "I can‘t fucking stand you." "Then why are you standing so close?" "I… What?"

⟢ "We can‘t keep doing this." "I wasn‘t aware this had turned into an us thing."

⟢ "Is there a reason you keep showing up where I am?" "I could ask you the same thing."

⟢ "Is there a reason you keep showing up where I am?" "Maybe I‘m following you." "And why would you do that?" "Why indeed."

⟢ "You‘re the last person I wanted to see tonight." "And yet here we are."

⟢ "Get off me." "You sure? For a second it looked like you were enjoying yourself."

⟢ "I never know what you want from me." "Good. I‘d hate to make it easy for you."

⟢ "Back off." "Stop leaning in."

⟢ "What exactly is this? Us?" "Do you want an answer or are you afraid of it?"

Royalty / Noble Elegance outfit Prompts

☽ A gown of deep midnight-blue velvet, heavy enough that she must gather it in both hands when she descends the stairs. Tiny crystal beads sew constellations along the sleeves. Constellations she had redesigned herself because she prefers the stars that guide her, not the ones tradition forces upon her.

☽ A corseted bodice embroidered with gold thread, cinched so precisely it forces her posture into the kind of dignity she never quite feels. The skirt flows behind her like liquid sunlight, brushing the floor in a whisper meant to sound effortless.

☽ A cream-colored gown layered with soft tulle, each layer catching the light differently as she turns, making it look as though she is wrapped in dawn. Around her neck, a thin chain, because she hates the weight of jewels that try too hard.

☽ A structured military-style coat, tailored to her frame, with brass buttons polished to a shine. She wears it instead of a dress during meetings because everyone listens more carefully when she looks like she could command an army.

☽ A floor-sweeping robe lined with fur, the kind that leaves a faint trail of warmth wherever she walks. The sleeves are wide and ceremonial, but she uses them to hide her ink-stained fingers--proof of the letters she writes at midnight.

☽ A soft pink gown layered over a steel-colored underdress, a contradiction she insisted upon: one for who she is expected to be, one for who she is when no one is watching.

☽ A dark green velvet dress whose neckline dips just enough to be provocative, though the real rebellion is the dagger strapped beneath the skirt. 

☽ A pearl-colored bodice paired with a heavy brocade skirt patterned with vines, each leaf embroidered with thread dyed from the palace gardens she practically lives in.

V.E. Schwab's advice for creating memorable characters - works for both protagonists and villains

It also ties neatly into the simplest version of the formula for getting people emotionally engaged with your characters: or how to build the moment in which your character starts moving from their initial state to the state in which they'll start changing their own lives.

First, you figure out the one important thing the character believes that they're wrong about. There's usually a core misperception that they haven't examined. Once they're forced to engage with it, it'll start to change everything about their perception of the world they're inhabiting and/or the people in it.

Then, as V.E. says, you identify the character's great desire and their great fear: the thing that character wants more than anything, and the thing or situation that terrifies them, and that they'll go to any lengths to avoid.

And having identified these two objects or situations, you build a situation in which the two forces will be in close, direct opposition to one another... then drop the character down in between them, and squeeze. Those two opposing forces become the jaws of a vise... and you crank the vise more and more tightly closed until the character has no choice but to acknowledge those opposing forces, and start (even in a small way) to deal with the pressure being exerted and push their way through.

This does not have to be, initially, a great climactic moment. In fact, it works better if it's not. It's more effective if your character has a brief low-intensity brush with these conditions-in-conflict early on. That way, when your big resolution scene comes along about two-thirds or three-quarters of the way along through the story arc, you'll have set up a resonance between that earlier hint or intimation of what's to come, and the really big blowoff. Your readers will recognize the resonance—the throb of tension between the two occurrences, like the vibration of a plucked string—and will find satisfaction both in the true resolution having been partially telegraphed earlier, and in how it's now being experienced and resolved in full.

This approach also allows you to set up more minor resonances between the realization of the conflict and its final resolution. These can serve to bind the structure of the work more closely together: to make it look (and be) less like a series of loosely strung-together plot events, and more like a unified whole, in which ripples of story business flow backwards and forwards, interpenetrating and influencing one another, and hinting at the big one to come.

But none of this can happen until the paired and opposing what-do-they-most-desire, what-do-they-most-fear axes have been defined. So that's a subject it's smart to spend some while thinking about (and for all your characters, not just the major ones), to be sure you're getting it right.