StarStorm

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I’ll assume that the stepping down decision is due to mental health as you’ve mentioned it’s been a major struggle in the past, and no shade to that I understand how debilitating it can be. But I’d like to check in and see how you truly feel with this decision. There’s no pressure to respond to this or acknowledge it in any way as my questions might be a bit too out there and I apologize for that. I’m sure there will be a public announcement from the band soon enough on their socials and this was just a way to get it out there as early as possible, but I can’t help being curious as intruding as it may be 😓

I wish you well and hope you find success with solo projects and artwork streams!

Everything the band said is true, and the details are for us. But I've shared plenty and given a taste of how bad I made it for them, but only folks who follow my work on twitch have gotten that view.

I stress that this was my doing. Im remorseful but I understand. Making touring and music production harder for everyone of course wasn't my intention; I was struggling in a loop I could not break.

This truly was the only way to save the band. I wasn't going to watch as everyone left, predicting a slow death to this beautiful little robot act.

I don't know how to move on or what life is like without spg. Its terrifying and the hardest thing Ive had to do.

You can't imagine what it feels like to have this happen and with my identical twin.

But honestly, being the trans member in the band and that being my own claim to fame sucked. If I'm not talented enough to make it as something thats not Rabbit, do I really deserve anything?

Unfortunately my sense of self worth has always been with SPG, and Ive never seen the value in what I create outside of being trans.

None of it gets me what I really want. Friends, to be loved truly for who I am...Rabbit never really gave me any of that. Just hordes and hordes or people who took advantage of me and who could never see the real me through the songs and makeup.

You hope people do. Ive had people tell me they see my soul in my music. But it certainly doesn't feel like it.

(Inspired by Perfect and Escape)

Then I start ruminating.

It feels like a fire I have to snuff out in my bones, which once gave me joy and purpose and dreams, but has burned me for years. Bright and lovely but truly destructive for me. And now it aches like a dying fire.

The people closest to me say my creative world is much bigger than SPG, but how many of you have had a band as popular as SPG?

I keep thinking "this could be it for me." All the dreams and worlds in my head are meaningless if they don't have an audience. Ive been trying since 2019 to create something outside of Steam Powered Giraffe to prove to myself Im not a one trick pony.

It doesnt matter if theres something special to my work, it doesnt matter how many ideas I have or the passion...

Some people never get to taste what I got, and I may never feel the likes of it again. I messed it all up, its over...Im alone and smoldering with an old fire that has finally taken me whole.

And the shittiest part...I feared for all of this for six straight years. And that fear and inaction and struggle with my mental health destroyed my band.

Of course alternatively its been like two weeks and you're mourning something you've been a part of for almost twenty years.

Alternatively this is the first time you've taken off your training wheels and have to walk the creative path alone.

So I flip back to hope and make music and art and worlds again until the next surge of hopelessness.

Like I keep saying, this was for the best. I was already struggling to find my voice though, and now I'm truly in the ocean.

Been two weeks though. Thats nothing. Im going to continue healing and grow as I figure out what truly matters in life.

As for the band, Im certain theyre going to keep going. I dont think David and Bryan are going to let it sink. Im sure they have a lot of story still to tell and they wont stop until its over.

What I'm referencing in the Slanderset shitpost I made with video bit captioned "Frequency Dustin's Earpiece Incident"

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