i love writing out numbers and then putting them in parentheses like "one (1)" even when i dont need to i think its funny

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@chotimoti
i love writing out numbers and then putting them in parentheses like "one (1)" even when i dont need to i think its funny

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i love writing out numbers and then putting them in parentheses like "one (1)" even when i dont need to i think its funny
capitalism is crazy because you really do have soda companies committing human rights violations on the level of like, more stereotypically evil industries. to sell and make soda
and you know what? i am REALLY sick of these ads that are openly mocking people for being concerned about the products they’re selling.
Amazon’s super bowl ad where the Alexa mocks Chris Hemsworth for being worried about giving spy software control over his entire life. Waymo’s ad with the intro “the robots are coming!” mocking people who are rightfully extremely concerned about sharing the road with, or riding in, self-driving cars.
i don’t know, it’s just genuinely insane to me. “Oh, you have legitimate concerns about our shitty product? sounds like you’re just lame!!!” like what kind of “quiet part out loud” marketing is that?
I KNOW WHERE THIS IS. THIS IS THE BOTTOM OF THE KNOW BEFORE YOU GO PAGE AT THE MATTHAEI BOTANICAL GARDENS. I HAVE CLICKED THE RATTLESNAKE BUTTON
if you click it tells you fun facts about the eastern massasauga rattlesnake, and also to leave it alone, and that they will not be relocating michigan's beautiful only venomous snake so don't be a bitch about it

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NEVER be vulnerable. FLUSH your medication down the toilet. LIE when people ask how you’re doing. SUPPRESS your feelings. ALWAYS be irritable and abrasive. MAKE SURE you push away anyone who’s close to you. CANCEL your therapy appointment.
a thing about me is i basically never notice a wig or other kind of hairpiece in tv/movies. it has to be party city territory for me to even twig it. people will complain about characters' wigs looking bad and i will nod along but there is like a 90% chance i did not notice for a second while watching. i consider this mostly a blessing.
was at a bar and a 50+ year old drunk white woman complimented me and my friend's outfits, told us there was a campsite up in northern maryland where a lot of gay bears go to have sex in the woods. we asked her how she knew about this and she very aggressively said "because i'm a FAG HAG!!! but i'm not allowed to say that anymore I GUESS!!!"
"warm, shallow seas" is one of the most beautiful phrases in paleontology and it's everywhere... these mollusks lived in warm, shallow seas... scientists think that photosynthetic life evolved in warm, shallow seas... in that era the Earth was covered by warm, shallow seas...
I wish I was resting by an antediluvian warm, shallow sea
the mandela effect is so funny bc almost all of it can be boiled down to "you were a kid and memory is highly unreliable," "you assumed how a word was spelled based on how it sounded," or "you're confusing two different things"
False. It WAS called Jiffy peanut butter for a time.
uh huh

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the phrase really should be "eat your cake and have it too" im with the unabomber on this one
i think being proud of where you come from is one of those things that becomes fun the more specific you get. like "proud to be english" bad rancid vibes. makes you sound like the kind of person who rants about immigrants. "proud to be from yorkshire" better vibes. i cannot deny the yorkshire cultural heritage. "proud to be from pocklington" absolutely fucking hilarious please never let anybody kill your pocklington pride.
i love the USA: weird vibes. dont trust that.
i love muskegon michigan: you are experiencing a kind of personal joy that i can and will not take from you
I hate you Ozempic craze I hate you 'heroin chic' I hate you weight loss ads on public radio I hate Burn Fat Fast ads every thirty seconds I hate you I hate you I hate you
I grew up before the term 'thigh gap' was invented I grew up before 'hip dip' was invented I was born before 'muffin top' was a thing before 'clean girl look' was a thing before 'glass skin' was a thing before razoring off peach fuzz was a thing and I'm so so so fucking tired of us inventing new concepts purely for the purpose of convincing people to hate their own bodies enough to buy products
all engineers are brothers (found attached to a steamship's engine):
1. 'The Squeak' apparently is originating from the Low Pressure (LP) valve. This is a large "D" slide valve with a lot of metal to metal contact. 2. We have inspected the valve, seat and LP cylinder and piston numerous times. We can find no evidence of rubbing, galling, burnishing, or any other sign of metal to metal contact. 3. 'The Squeak' is dependent on engine speed and temperature; as the engine heats up 'The Squeak' increases. Inexplicably, as the speed increases the sound decreases. 4. Suggestions about using WD-40 or needing sewing machine oil are not helpful. 5. If you wish to discuss 'The Squeak' with the Chief Engineer please donate $1 to The Squeak Abatement Fund to aid in construction of a new LP valve. If too many passengers speak with the Chief regarding 'The Squeak', the donation may be diverted to the Chief's beer fund.

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there's no fucking way
you literally have to unironically listen to some shit like party rock anthem so you don’t kill yourself
you have IBS.