its truly unfortunate but the 4chan β>be meβ format is the greatest advancement in comedic storytelling since the invention of the slide show
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@choirnerdsunite
its truly unfortunate but the 4chan β>be meβ format is the greatest advancement in comedic storytelling since the invention of the slide show

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I feel like in the rush of βthrow out etiquette who cares what fork you use or who gets introduced firstβ we actually lost a lot of social scripts that the younger generations are floundering without.
A lot of tough situations where we now feel like we βdonβt know what to do or sayβ had social scripts just a couple of generations ago and they might have been canned phrases or robotic actions but they could still be meant sincerely and unfortunately we havenβt replaced them with any more sincere or easier new script.
a lot of people are giving examples in the notes of things they just find annoying like not using headphones in public, but OP is talking about actual literal scripts of things to say in awkward situations
if you have a date or two with someone and you don't see a relationship developing? most millennials / gen Zers just end up ghosting. but a social script that might have been taught and rehearsed in the past could be:
"I really appreciated getting dinner with you the other night and I enjoyed your company, but I'm afraid I didn't feel a spark. I wish you the best, and hope you find that special someone!"
like it sounds kind of trite but it was at least something to say and it can still be meant with kind sincerity. it also communicates in 2 sentences that you don't want to see them romantically again, but there aren't any hard feelings about that. that's it!!! that's all it takes!!!
Another example is that at parties a lot of people talk about how awkward it is to mingle or talk to people they dont know. But at old timey parties that was traditionally the HOST'S job, and there was a specific scripted way of doing it that eased the process! The host would bring you in, introduce you and maybe even a little bit about you like what you did for a living, and then guide you to a group you could talk to. They didn't just let you in the door and then ditch you to fend for yourself in a sea of strangers. That would be unthinkable and no one would be surprised if a get-together like that wound up being awkward.
I still do the party-host thing and yall can, too! (Thanks Mad Men for teaching me a lot of outmoded social scripts... no really tho)
Remember things about your friends! Ask people about their weekends, hobbies, holidays, studies, and jobs! Listen for the concerns people have and what they are working on! Draw connections between one person and another to get the ball rolling. "Oh, Maura, you just got your first cat! You should talk to Felix, he used to work at a rescue. Felix, please tell Maura all the new-cat-guardian pointers."
"Bill, Sheila, Xan, this is my friend Kale. Kale is really into Star Trek, Bill you and them should talk about it!"
Orrr whatever! After you make the introduction and draw the connection you just float on into the next interaction with someone else at the function. Just listen, care about your friends, get our of your own head, and think of how you can bring other people together and you will feel 100% less awkward.
hi i am so excited about this post because i have posted this exact thing MANY times on here, often in the specific context of how formal etiquette is so useful for autistic people especially, but also for everyone. even if you come off a little bit formal, which you will sometimes, having Old School Manners (or just knowing what they are) for various common scenarios is like having a magic ticket that will just sail you through all kinds of social iinteractions, gatekeeping, social weirdness, and as is pointed out in the above posts about introducing people to each other, can make you into a really valuable and helpful person for an entire gathering or group of people.
i also want to point out that knowing what the polite thing to do in all situations makes you a lot more effective at being rude and obnoxious when the situation calls for it, which is also a valuable and necessary adult skill
#things to write#but also#things to do#I could certainly benefit from a manual...
If you're looking for a manual on these sorts of things; social etiquette, social scripts, how to handle difficult and/or awkward social situations, etc. then I highly recommend picking up any book by Miss Manners. Her books really are the gold standard for learning the types of skills this post is talking about. I should also mention that Miss Manners is witty and hilarious so her books are also fun to read.
The best book by Miss Manners to get started with would be Miss Manner's Guide to Excruciatingly Correct Behavior. This one is probably the best starting point because it gives the best overview of all the basics.
If you're the type who likes to listen to podcasts, I recommend checking out "Were You Raised By Wolves?" and/or "Awesome Etiquette". Both are also great tools for learning the type of social skills this post is talking about. I'm personally a fan of "Were You Raised By Wolves?" because not only are they pretty funny and informative, they also bother to try to teach the underlying social intelligence behind various manners and social etiquette so that you can have the skills to solve social dilemmas on your own. However, "Awesome Etiquette" is also pretty fun and informative.
#long post#I feel like 'i dont do small talk nobody cares about the weather' had a negative impact on social interaction#I mean yeah sometimes small talk about nothing gets awkward. but often it leads to the most interesting conversations#just asking 'what kind of music do you listen to at the gym' or 'have you read any books lately' could be such a lovely subject#I'm sometimes socially awkward despite being a huge extrovert. that's why etiquette is such a great thing#if you don't know how to act around people just stick to the etiquette rules. if they have a problem with it they're not for me anyways
Sorry @darlingdear but I couldn't let this stay in the tags.
I say this as someone who is neurodivergent had grew up very socially awkward, but recently I find the "screw small talk, I wanna get to know the REAL you" attitude to be pretentious as well as a demonstration of a lack of boundaries.
But also, I think a lot of people who have this attitude don't actually really know what does qualify as small talk. The definition of small talk is any topic that's of no real consequence and includes topics like food, pets, sports, music, whatever show you're currently streaming, whatever book you're currently reading, and yes, the weather. A lot of people who have this "I hate small talk / I don't do small talk" attitude probably think it's only reciting a bunch of secret scripts about the weather, and don't realize how much they engage in small talk whenever they talk about their pets or their favorite foods or the really cool show they're watching right now.
Small talk is just about boundaries and getting to know someone *before* you move into more serious and personal topics. The older I get the more I learn you really can't just trust anyone with more serious and personal subjects. Small talk first is important to gauge if they're someone safe and trustworthy first before moving into more serious and personal subjects. If you really genuinely refuse to get to know someone before immediately discussing serious and personal subjects you may have an issue with boundaries and should consider working on that.
Oh my god, so much the last point. All of them, but especially the last.
Small talk is a way of sounding out a personβs attitudes. Itβs about finding out if theyβre a rabid asshole or someone you want to spend more time with.
I had a professor who got angry at a group of (mostly women), from five countries, all of whom met yesterday, for talking about daytime TV. He basically insulted us and called us shallow.
Dude, we were figuring each other out with a safe topic! We were the best of friends three weeks later. We could broach harder topics because we understood each otherβs boundaries better. If you immediately demand people bare their souls, youβre not likely to get them to be honest.
also it's always polite / a good idea to balance the conversation out between yourself and the other person. By which I mean, if they've asked you several questions, turn it around: "and what about you?" / "what has your experience been in [topic]?" I used to be too awkward to do it but noticed conversations would bleed to death. Then I overcompensated and only asked the other person question upon question. This was also Not Ideal because guys would end up thinking I was super interested in them and get confused when I shut off my interest / social battery later on. So, balance: I try to talk about 50% of the time and share something that is either useful or relatable to the other or important to me. And by being interested and asking real questions you can get to know someone better and they will also know you a little, which can be really lovely.
May I also add this as a resource: https://emilypost.com/
Going to the menu and browsing through their articles merits a lot of suggestions.
Niche skill check
Slight correction to a lot of the comments--it's not "Baking guy plays piano too," it's "Piano guy bakes too"
Inspired by the entertainers of Bermudaβs βgolden ageβ, composer and pianist Dylan Hollis is hard at work on what he does best β creating mu
I was trying to track down a non-soundcloud version of Chords of Humanity, the song he wrote that when he was 17 was used by Doctors Without Borders, and instead found that it was used in a Fallout New Vegas mod that he may also have made at 17?
A Large Expansive Quest Mod has the courier travelling across Post-Apocalyptic America. To reunite the Rockwell People with their Superstruc
which is a sequel to another mod that's also credited to a Dylan Hollis, which I'm not necessarily assuming is him. Could have been a different Dylan Hollis who happened to have found the song by searching his name--oh, wait, there's a video of game play (with the song as background), and there's a tiny bit of voice acting...yeah, that's him.
More people finding out his Fallout affinity thanks to this shirt
Modern research shows the public work together selflessly in an emergency, motivated by a strong impulse to help
βThe notion that people panic and run screaming for the exits is a Hollywood fiction,β said Prof Stephen Reicher, an expert in group behaviour at the University of St Andrews.
βCharacteristically, people stay and help each other,β he said. βWe found this during the 7/7 attacks on the underground and the 1999 attack on the Admiral Duncan pub in London, where people looked after each other even though they feared other bombs.
βIn our own research on the Leytonstone tube attack in 2015, there was an amazing level of spontaneous coordination by bystanders: some directed others away from danger. Some distracted the attacker. Some confronted the attacker. Each was able to act because of the others. Heroism was a feature of the group, not just the individual,β he added.
Prof Clifford Stott, a specialist in the psychology of crowds and group identity at Keele University, agreed. Modern research, he said, showed βbystander apathyβ was a myth. Instead, strangers often work together in emergency situations with highly sophisticated unity.β
Bystander apathy is a myth invented by the New York Times to cover up that the police were called by several residents of the building, but the cops refused to act. The cops then told the Times that 38 people just watched her die (a seemingly arbitrary number and a physical impossibility based on where the attacks occurred), and the Times ran with it. In fact, Kitty was alive when the cops got there, and was being held and comforted by one of her friends who lived in the building because one of the people who saw her get attacked from across the street called her friend to go get her. Because people care.
You have just been attacked. How likely is it that someone will come to your help? If you remember the infamous case of Kitty Genovese in 19
I will always re-blog this. The story of Kitty Genoveseβs murder has gone down in history as a story about everyone watching it happen and doing nothing and none of the story is true.

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βI donβt put politics in my storiesβ is the literary equivalent of a cishet guy going βI donβt have pronounsβ
imo the term "walkable" in "walkable cities" should be understood to mean "wheelchair accessible" as well, not just literally "possible to walk in". the act of walking in a city doesn't automatically make it walkable
does anyone else think about how brave all their friends are and get really emotional about it
I'm glad everyone is alive rn
WENDY I WILL THROTTLE YOU
SOUND. ON.
soundonsoundonsoundonsoundonsoundon!

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God forbid a girl be both whimsical and full of rage
God forbid a girl be both a flower and a sword
"The horrors persist but so do libraries, books, iced coffee, sunsets, trees, the word 'fuck', the moon and the sea."
I know i've said it before, but if you are concerned it could be real and not a scam, the best way to avoid getting scammed is to return contact separately.
Here's how that works:
say you get a text from your internet provider, let's say it's Comcast (whom i hate). So you have this text that says it's from Comcast about your bill with a contact number and a clickable link -- could be real, could be a scam.
Don't touch anything about this text. Open a web browser and look up the customer service number for Comcast. Or get the number from the bill they send you. However you do it, get the contact info for Comcast from a trusted source, like an official phone directory or the Comcast website itself.
Get in touch with them using that information.
So. Let's run the example both ways it could go.
If it IS a scam: you reach out to Comcast and tell them you were contacted about a problem with your bill, they look you up in their customer database, and they tell you there is no problem with your bill.
If it's NOT a scam, you do the same thing, they look you up, and they explain the problem. In this case, neither Comcast nor the employees involved give a single shit whether or not you clicked the link in the text vs. going through their official website.
This works the same for the your bank, the IRS, Amazon, political causes, charities, everything.
By handling any questionable incoming calls to action this way, you significantly protect yourself from scams and malware and shit
You can do this with phone calls too!!! If a company calls you asking for some info or about a problem with you card/account/whatever you can ask them for a reference number for your case and call back later. You don't have to give a reason but if you feel awkward you can just say you have a meeting in 2 minutes but can call back another time to deal with it.
If it's not scam they'll be like sure, here's the reference number. Then you follow the instructions above, call the separate number you find yourself on a reputable website and give that person the reference number. And they'll help you resolve the issue.
Don't let scammers scare you over the phone into giving them sensitive information!!!!
great addition ^^^
Also, not gonna lie, it is so refreshing to have a major cultural moment that's just FREE. You don't have to pay a cent to watch this on NASA's YouTube. There's not a single ad, not a single sponsor plastered anywhere. It's just smart people doing cool things.
for april fools weβre deleting this entire site sayonara you weeaboo shits

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the complete and total defeat in the prosecutor's voice at the very end..... im πππ
Havent seen a lot about this on tumblr so maybe not a lot of people know:
He was wrongfully raided by police in 2022
He used footage and names of the specific cops in posts, videos and songs making fun of them
The cops sued for defamation and cried in court about the songs ruining their lives
He won anyway