death first to vultures and scavengers

you’re so fucking spoiled you get to pick out which radiator you get chained to

rpf actually stands for red pepper flakes

full. middle. malcolmist.

the FDA should bring back quualudes for a limited time offer like the mcrib

"What were you doing at the devils sacrament" jarking my whole thing off. Next quiestuon.

out in public looking tortured

middle aged lady on my bus just called someone's partner "your whimsical idiot boyfriend" over the phone . with sincere frustration might I add

Whenever they gave us one of those "read through ALL the instructions before you begin!" trick assignments in school where the steps lead you on an increasingly ridiculous goose chase until the final one tells you to just put your name on the paper and turn it in without doing anything else, I was always like, "Okay, but what's the point? Surely the REAL world won't be anything like this." And then I grew up and discovered that not only is the real world often exactly like that, some people won't even read the first line of the instructions even if they make perfect sense. And these people are called "co-workers"