And it's that thing where you mentally place yourself as the second, auxiliary party to someone else that you consider to be "In Charge" of whatever space or occupation or responsibility you are assigned to

And when you are IN that mindset, it *feels* like you're being responsible. It *feels* like you're being respectful, and helpful, and contributing to the load.

But what you don't SEE- because it *feels* like deference- is that the other person who you're seeing as The Authority you report to- by being assigned that role, has also been assigned the invisible load of BEING YOUR MANAGER.

This is by FAR most commonly seen in husband-and-wife relationships, where the man says, "just tell me what I can do to HELP- you don't have to do it all by yourself, but it's like you won't even tell me when you NEED help. You just do everything and then get mad at me for not doing it first. I can help clean. I can help with the kids. I can help"

But I also see it- and am guilty myself of doing it- at work, at school, in public- that mental, "this is THEIR space, and i will be respectful and helpful to THEM"- without realizing that subservience in this manner isn't actually a good thing. That it actually shifts the burden of responsibility to the other person. That aspect was totally invisible to me.

I didn't understand that when I was told, "if you see something that needs to be done, just DO it", or, "take the initiative", what they ACTUALLY meant was, "I am not above you", or "you have equal say in what kind of environment you want to live or work in", or "I do not want full control over what happens here, I do not want to order you around, I do not want to be in charge, what I WANT is to co-command WITH you"

Being in The Assigned Authority position NOW, that is all so much clearer.

I am the senior member of my team at work, and now, every time I train a newbie, every time I finish catching them up to speed and giving them a list of everything that needs to be done, my next big hurdle seems to always be, "now take pride in the space when I'm not around". "Now don't assume I'll tell you when something is due or what orders to plan things in".

Now, having been on both sides of the struggle, I can appreciate the sticking points here

TO THE PERSON "IN CHARGE": The person deferring to you doesn't understand the invisible labor you're doing. They genuinely believe you know more, you WANT more, you see things they don't, and that they are being respectful and good by staying out of your way and waiting on your orders. THAT is the bit that's not clicking.

TO THE PERSON "WANTING TO HELP": "Help" implies that you are providing assistance to a problem that belongs to somebody else. Stop thinking like that. Understand that the problem belongs to BOTH of you equally, and consider what kind of shared space you BOTH want. What is your SHARED GOAL? Not THEIR goal, but a goal that belongs to you too. Own your space.

This is not a Commander-Lieutenant problem. This is a Partnership problem.

i have seen some worrying ignorances from certain users here as of late regarding treating wind turbines. even some of you whom i otherwise respect are guilty of these. i prefer to keep quiet on these matters so as to not bring unnecessary attention to me, but I worry this trend will bring needless suffering if, say, some misguided young thing brings harm to her under such influences. this is not meant to shame any of you, but if you go on perpetuating these lies and misconceptions even after you are educated it is difficult to regard you with respect

first, she is called wind turbines. she used to go by windmills but no longer, okay? windmills mills grain or pumps water and that is not her. she is generating electricity. understand?

I have also seen you draw her with two blades not three. this is fine, she likes two blades sometimes, but really she is most comfortable with three and you will see her this way most often. more than three makes her sad tired and she does not like to see herself in such a state…

the thick-minded among you may think that because she is very large and strong in the body she must also be so with emotions. this is not true. she frightens very easily, especially with tallness nearby. you may not be able to tell because she has learned composure but this does not mean it doesn’t hurt. keep her far far from any tall buildings. even nearby trees will scare. tall grasses and such can also give fear but this is the manageable level.

no rolling hills. you are hurting her with your rolling hills. your sick fucking… urghhh. flat. flat open field, okay? okay? yes. mountain pass? fine. oceanside? okay beach day. fun. yay. rolling hills? moron. idiot. sorry.

some of you maybe see on the news that wind turbines likes to be vertical. sometimes where it is very loud and noisy like the city she is vertical but this means she feels discomfort. horizontal when she is happy. big arms and open wide happy. this is good.

there are also few studies out there who try to prove that she is happier if she looks away from the wind instead of into it? if you see such writings please disregard. they are not minding her interests.

finally many of you say wind turbines always has gearbox. this used to be true but no longer. she can have no gearbox thanks to new science. soon she will never have gearbox. this is very good for her as she can be in repair much less often now and the nacelle is much lighter and you should be happy for her.