Dread Empress Triumphant (MSNR)

Because first there's Thaisha, and they were young lovers together who thought the world of each other. They had two kids together, then had to make a hard decision to live wildly different separate lives when Thaisha received her call to adventure while Hal was adamant in staying away from anything of the like just like he did when his brother asked him to join the rebellion.

Then we have Elodie who in many ways is the complete opposite of Thaisha. Yes they are both women of means but Thaisha comes from history and the defiance of destiny, while Elodie appears like an eminently practical merchant with a deep love for the arts. I think in a way Hal must have been looking for this stability as he had decided to stay away from all war and revolution.

Now we don't know why Elodie and Hal don't live together anymore or if they ever did at all, but I can't help but think that it's for the same reason he joined the Schemers after his brother died. There's something undeniable in his life that pulls him away from this type of quiet life. Even before his brother's death he was writing about uprisings of the past. I can't help but think that this push and pull is the centre of his character arc.

⊹ Here’s a late mermaid fairy!

What he was actually saying during his breakdown is closer to: "I am coming to terms that I might be able to reunite with my long lost sister, and I am terrified that there is nothing of the child I once was left, and that the person she remembers is gone."

He is cognizant that not only has he been lying a lot, but he has been VERY good at it. Possibly, he is afraid that he is TOO good at it, that he may lose himself to the act, and that people whose opinions he greatly values (Murray in specific) are starting to view him differently because of how good at lying he is. Also, he is just really stressed out because, again, revolutionary leader.