Whatever

I was reminded that my "dream job" won't be handed to me right away and I need to take everything I find, like I didn't already know that.

I said that maybe I could go work with a friend that works as a security guard and for our area has a good salary and they continued to say that if I could do that I could as well search jobs not related to my field in our area when 1 those jobs (they said cashier and other things, all respectful professions I'm not shitting on them) wouldn't pay as much as my friend's job and they continued "you could do it here, close to home"

They continued to say that I need to be realistic, like the field I studied and I'm searching a job in isn't already the realistic option. That kind of job isn't my dream but I needed to be realistic and so I did that degree and now I'm told I needed to be more realistic. So basically a job I'll hate but close to home? When my one true dream as always been to live abroad?

I love them, they basically were second mothers to me but a part of me cannot avoid to think that a part of them, maybe not even consciously, is trying to make me stay close to home because I'm the daughter and there's an implicit expectation I'll take care of my parents in the future. They would probably say it's not like that but I hear when they speak about relatives and family friends and they say "oh they are alone, they don't have a daughter" or "I pity them, their daughter move away".

I'm already full of doubts about moving abroad but I feel like if I stay I'll always be pray of the same dynamics, I'll never free myself from the person I was (and maybe I still am) and hate.

I fear I need to start considering the soulless, dead end jobs in the public sector my family continue to suggest to me.

I fought to escape it but it really seems like the only solution.

Like, I am and always have been a humanities girly. I have a bachelor in my country's literature, I'm about to graduate with a master in publishing, I always had the dream of studying as a second degree English lit in a English speaking country and yet Artemis made me so incredibly fascinated that I want to delve into it

I don't think my mind, which struggled with maths and physics and science in high school, will be able to understand more than the most absolutely basic level of the topics.

But still, it ignited in me a curiosity I wasn't expecting.