rewatched everything everywhere all at once with my sister and something that really struck me is how when i first watched the movie i fashioned myself more like waymond, and four years later i see much more of myself in evelyn — world-weary, embittered, prone to cyclical daydreams about potential paths i could’ve taken but didn’t. i recognize more what it feels like to carry your shoulders so tightly you can’t register the strain and how your own litany of hurts, doubts, worries, internal frustrations become a spiked shroud preventing you from seeing yourself and others clearly, and it’s humbling to recognize this is how history repeats itself, old wounds becoming manifest and easy to ignore when they bloom in the background.
but it also made me so moved by the ending scenes, the slow recognition evelyn experiences when she sees how waymond has been a steady, silly, solid presence across her encounters with him, across universes, how “the universe blessed her with someone kind, patient, forgiving.” lately i’ve been trying to untangle the knot in my throat that makes me want to check, again and again, for reassurance after many such instances of being told where i stand with someone after the fact. lately i’ve been thinking about how something i wish i could redo is to be more upfront about my care instead of letting it all simmer inside me, evident to all my atoms but not to the people it needs to reach, how it can hurt just as much to question someone’s earnest and forthright efforts to show care as much as it can to disbelieve you deserve them. as someone who has a hard time grasping their importance to people — to the point where i didn’t realize some of my best friends considered themselves close to me! — i just feel grateful for the persistence and patience of the several waymond-like pillars in my life, people who have shored up my heart with whimsy and fortitude, understood my failings and foibles, and showed me ways i can do the same.
not sure where this is going but! the rewatch did make me bawl (my first in like, a year or two… i was running up those rewatch numbers in 2022-24) and it meant a lot to me that it was another way i could connect with my sister & she could see me. watching that movie with people does really feel like a bit of my heart has been cut out of my chest and smeared on-screen…
jacobvanloon
stormborns
theartofmadeline
snowghoul
discoholicmusic
kianamaiart
blakekathryn
turnnoffyourmind
