Glow Up Tips

and then you think, very quietly: actually. actually. I think I want a coffee. a nap. a sandwich. a book.

and I want to die turns day by day into I want to go home, I want to walk in the woods, I want to see my friend, I want to sit in the sun

I want a cleaner kitchen

I want a better job

I want to live somewhere else

Even When It Is Trying to Kill You!

Is Defensive.

Your brain exists to preserve you; it’s just Dumb, and how it goes about “preserving” is determined by evolution’s ‘Good Enough’ meat-and-chemistry mechanisms rather than a firm grasp of biology.

You know how, stuck atop a burning building, ppl will sometimes throw themselves off in a vain hope of surviving? That’s what depression-driven suicide is. You are under THAT amount of stress, often sustained for a FAR longer time. Your brain only understands “Stress”: it doesn’t know causes, it doesn’t know Events, and it only has the one set of instinctive ‘extreme measures’ to fall back on. I made things SO hard on myself for SO Long conceiving of Depression as a Fight I had to Win, rather than a chronic illness in need of my understanding and careful management.

Anyway, here's the list for easy reading:

Be able to stand on one foot for ten seconds. Obviously, best case, you can do this with both feet.

Be able to get up from a chair without using your arms.

Be able to lie on your stomach and comfortably turn your head.

Be able to get yourself up off the floor.

-hydration: carry around a water bottle. a funky metal water bottle you can put stickers on is like $10 and if you can’t afford it just chronically refill a gatorade bottle or smth. Just having water nearby will help. And hydration really, really helps with energy levels for things like...

-exercise: my advice for this always is "find a sport you actually like", but if you're coming off of a years-long depressive sedentary period, start by walking. Like, TO places. The bus stop. A neat tree in your neighborhood. Is there a convenience store nearby? Go get a gatorade (see:hydration). Is there a library or other place where people gather? Even better. This is free and doesn't have to take any longer than 10 minutes at first. And don't go telling yourself "oh it was only 10 minutes it doesn't count" STOP! That is the depression talking! Literally any amount of movement is 100x more movement than you were getting on the couch! You're doing great! And once you're in a good exercise habit, it will help a lot with...

-sleep: ah, the white whale. But remember that literally just lying quietly in the dark is resting, even if you don't sleep (it's science!). Try to be in bed, no lights or phones, at the same time every night and just...chill. listen to some chill music. Try not to get up for a least a few hours. And then, the next day, when you’re wrecked?? Try to avoid napping at all costs. Your circadian rhythm should theoretically stabilize after a few nights of doing this, and resting should become easier. Human chemistry is SO routine based, just keep your schedule as best you can!

Nutrition: yeah this is depression hell. But it's not as expensive as it seems to "eat healthy". Apples, bananas, and oranges are all cheaper than chips and also require pretty much no prep, just shove em in your mouth (and don't give me that shit about caloric content; yes, I know chips are more filling, but they're not going to give you the happy chemicals you need to help depression. If you're so broke you will starve without 100 extra calories from a bag of doritos, your depression has environmental causes much deeper than lack of apples.) If you CAN cook even a little bit: frozen vegetables are cheap af and they slap with some butter and garlic powder. Throw some frozen peas in your mac and cheese. Kale and zucchini are cheap as hell in summer and they are delicious when flash fried with butter and salt. I know taking 5 minutes to cook seems insurmountable when you’re depressed but as my therapist always says, the cure for depression is doing the things depression doesn't want you to do. And it will improve your mood so, so, so much to get some fruits and veggies in you.

Spiral orb webs showing some colours in the sunlight in a gorge in Karijini National Park, Western Australia, Australia

part of autism is just being incredibly stressed. overstimulation? stress. holding a conversation? stress. something happening to our schedule? stress. people talk about how often autism is recognized and diagnosed via our stress responses (like meltdowns) because it is just so common to see autistic people stressed because of lack of accommodations to how our brains work.

like. loud noises physically hurt. it’s like a static shock from my ears to my spine that doesn’t stop until the volume goes back down. i thought we all agreed that ‘that’s too loud!’ and covering our ears meant ‘ouch!’. turns out i’ve been dealing with a stressor almost no one else has, my whole life, alone.