Welcome to my Life

Hiya everybody! It's Friday night, bottles are made for the night, bottles from daycare are being washed and dried, and the little man is down for the night.

It's been a couple of months since I've gone back to work and honestly, it's been refreshing. Being able to have a routine during the weekdays have been nice. On the days that I have to go into the office, I wake up around 5am and get myself ready for work. Afterwards, I get my son's diaper bag and bottles ready for daycare, and then I wake my son up to get him ready for daycare. He goes to daycare Monday thru Friday, and is there all day. Yes, he even goes to daycare on the days that I am working from home. After work and picking up my son from daycare, we go home, I try to get him to nap one more before bath time and his last feeding for the day; then we start it all over again until the weekend. Every day that I get up and go about my day, things get easier. Being my son's mother has been a wonderful moment, and I am treasuring every moment with him. He's starting to learn how to roll, he smiles even more, and he's learning how to laugh, which really warms my heart. While my husband was home this month, we started introducing solids to our son, which is definitely a trial and error. I know that he's not used to it and it's going to take some time.

My husband and I are in the process of buying our first house, and we're excited about it. No one really prepares you of the process of buying a house. The constant back and forth of negotiations. Multiple counter offers. Finally, a lot of money spent. Luckily, things have turned in our favor. We officially close on the house on June 24th. I am excited to decorate the house how I want it. I am excited to turn it into a home that I wanted. I'm ready to make better memories to replace the ones that have been bad and non-beneficial.

I don't recall if I ever mentioned this on any of my previous blogs, but since February I have been seeing a therapist through BetterHelp. I definitely had a trial and error with the first therapist I met, but the current one I am meeting with has been really nice. She's really the best. What's so cool about BetterHelp, is that you make schedule and there's no limit how many times you want to see your therapist. Also, they have a journal entry page and you have the option if you want to share your entries with your therapist or not. I've definitely have utilized the journal entry page. I'm either doing one every day, every other day, or whenever I feel like it. I have really thought about making a book out my journal entries. I printed all of my entries from the BetterHelp website and taped them in a composition book. It reminded me of World History from Middle School I remembered my teacher giving the class a worksheet and we had to tape it in our composition book. That's what I ended up doing with all my journal entries, and so far it's going pretty good. I'm really happy on how it's turning out.

With the situation with my ex-bff and older brother, we're still not on speaking terms and I don't plan on speaking to them anytime soon. I did find out last week that they've officially set the date for the baby shower and they created a registry for the shower. Also, I'm already or was getting people asking me about them and my immediate response is it's still a touchy subject for me to have, which they have been respectful of my response and decision. The other day, I received a generic text message of the link to the baby shower invitation. I was already in a foul mood because it was the same day that a couple of people were reaching out to me about my brother. When I received the invitation, I was upset and ended up calling one of my girlfriends to vent. I ended up getting myself worked up and more upset at them. My girlfriend who I had called and vented felt sorry for me, and wished there was something she could do to make things better. She also has taken my side on the situation along with another girlfriend of mine, who we share a mutual friendship with my ex-bff. I could keep going on about all this, but that's what my journal entries is for on BetterHelp.

I have been solely focused on taking care of myself, my little family, and my mental health. Everything else is irrelevant. I have been trying to find some new friends, especially ones that are moms just like me, so far, it isn't going so well. I did make a new friend, who isn't a mom, but she is engaged. She's been really amazing honestly and it's kind of a small world. She used to go to the same high school that I went to when I still living here in Houston. She graduated the same year as my older brother, which was 2008. Lastly, she's mutual friends with a couple of people that I know. We have quite a bit of things in common. We like drinking wine, reading books, going to antique shops, and both our spouses are exactly the same. I met her through an app, Bumble BFF (yes, it's the same company that created Bumble (dating app)). I have yet to meet her, but I am looking forward to the moment.

I need to head off to bed. It's five till 11pm, and I know that little man will probably wake up within the next hour or two.

Hiya everyone. It's Friday and it's the weekend.

I went back to work earlier this week and so far everything is going pretty good. Definitely a huge adjustment, but I'm getting through.

However, it didn't start off very well.

To make a long story short, I lost a best friend. I have to focus on myself to get better, so that I can be 100% of myself for my son.

I have to separate myself from the things that will continue to hurt me.

I've had a lot of people tell me that she wasn't truly my best friend because if she was, she wouldn't jeopardize the friendship. She would have asked me how I felt about the situation before anything continued to happen. She should have asked me if I would be okay with it or would it make it uncomfortable.

Ha, so for the longest time, I wasn't a big fan of tattoos. I thought that they were cool, but couldn't bring myself to get one. Two reasons...

Not a big fan of pain.

Afraid that I'll regret the design I would get.

Lately, with all the pain/hurt/trauma that I've gone through, I thought it was high time to mask it.

So it's been a minute and so much has happened.

First off, I just want to say that my son decided to come early, and I mean four weeks early. His original due date was January 2nd and he decided to come on December 5th. He was 5 lbs, 4 oz, and 18.9 in long; healthy, which I am so grateful. He's already three months old going on four months on Easter Sunday.

Since my last post, a lot has happened. Prior to my son coming, my husband and I were informed that our apartment was consider inhabitable due to the mildew growth in our closet from our neighbor's kitchen sink leak, so we had to pack up our entire home and move into another unit. I ended up having our son the weekend that we're supposed to be moving, so that was great. I was stuck at the hospital while my husband worked 17 hours straight moving all our stuff into the new apartment. When I arrived to the new unit, I felt completely off and it didn't feel like home. It's been four months and still doesn't feel like home. It has been getting better, but still doesn't feel the same.

In addition to my last post, the meaning behind it is that I found out that my older brother and best friend have been seeing each other. There's more drama to it but I don't want to go into too much detail about it. I found out the weekend of President's Day/Valentine's Day that she's pregnant. She was 11 weeks pregnant at the time, and my older brother was moving to Dallas to live with her. I completely lost it. A part of me wanted to scream and tell them to get out. A part of me wanted to grab my gun, walk out to the lake that sits in front of my complex and put a bullet in my brain. I was getting tired of all the lies and secrets that they were keeping from me. I told them that I can't trust them anymore. Not with all the lies and secrets that they were keeping from me. I was tired of them saying that they were thinking of me. That they weren't sure if they wanted to date because of me, but yet they still did it. So you weren't truly thinking of me and what it would do to me. A couple of weeks ago, she started sending me pictures of them two together on SnapChat and it was something I wasn't ready for. Instead of opening up and saying something about it, I shut out. I didn't want to respond to her or him. I ended up blowing up at her. I yelled. I screamed. This past weekend, they drove down to pick up the last remaining stuff of my brother's and they came by a couple of times to visit but to pick up things for them to be ready for their baby. While they were visiting, I felt like I was being suffocating by their presence. They haven't even bothered asking me how I am doing. Plus, they only visit for 30 minutes to an hour and they bounced. They told me when I spoke to them about losing trust in them, that they wanted to earn my trust. So far, they aren't doing a good job. Maybe I'm sounding selfish. I've had a couple of people tell me that I'm not because I'm hurting. I just believe that they're not actually wanting to earn my trust. Even Kat was disappointed that she didn't even try. There's so much of me wants to severe the bond because I just can't do it. They created this new Chelsea who has no interest in even trying to rekindle the relationship.

I have been through so much since October. I've been hurt so many times by my brothers and my best friend to the point where I don't even recognize them. It's hard to even look at them. Small talk is all I can do with them because I'm afraid to let my walls down. Also, with the sudden change of the move from one apartment to another has made it very difficult to enjoy being there.

Also, I've been dealing with postpartum depression and anxiety that it has become severe. I am on medication for it but it's the lowest dosage, and I have intentions of upping it. I have good days and bad days. Every day, I wake up and feel my shoulders heavy. I have lost all motivations to work out. I don't enjoy being at home. When I wake up in the morning, I get my son ready for daycare and drop him off, and I hang out at the coffee shop for the majority of the day. I just don't have the right mindset to do anything that is consider important, when it should be taken care of.

That's all I can say...

Sometimes, I wish they never told me their secret. I wish they kept it to themselves.

Now that I know this, it is doing nothing but eating me from the inside. All I want to do now, which I think is best, is that I emotionally detach myself from them.

Hiya everybody!

It's been a couple of weeks since my last post, and I am very excited to announce that my husband and I are having a boy!

I am so happy and relived knowing that we're having a boy. I had a feeling that we were going to have a boy from the moment we found out that we were pregnant and when we had the first ultrasound for the baby. I told my husband as well, that I felt it in my bones.

Plus, I was kind of paying attention a lot of the symptoms I was having throughout the first trimester.

It's been a minute, and it's my fault for not making a post on here to make the announcement.

Since May, my husband and I are having our first child, and we're excited. I won't ever forget the day I found out.

It was May 2nd (my older brother's birthday), and it was 1:45 in the morning, and something inside of me told me that I should take a test because I was five days late already. Normally, you'd wait till 10 days after your missed cycle to take a test. However, I had this GUT FEELING. I climbed out of the bed, making my way to the bathroom, grabbing a pregnancy test and took it. Within 30 seconds, two lines appears. Immediately, I gasped and called my husband. He meanders to me and I hand him the pregnancy test, looks at it a few seconds, hands it back to me and tells me to take another. O_O I told him it's too late, I've already gone and can't take another one. I just couldn't believe it. I was in disbelief and stunned. I didn't go back to sleep for another two hours. I waited a few hours to take another test and when I took it around 11 in the morning, it came back positive again. I called my husband (who was already at work), and told him that the second pregnancy test said positive. All he said was, "Alright, awesome! So what's next?"

"I call and make an appointment with my doctor to confirm the pregnancy test." my response, so I called the office. Of course what I didn't know was that they don't have you come in until you're at least 8 weeks. I was 5 weeks at the time I found out.

By Memorial Day weekend, we went to the doctor and had confirmation that I am pregnant, and that everything looks good. Since my 16 weeks appointment, my doctor has told me that everything looks good. Blood pressure looks good. My weight (>_<) has been good. We're officially 20 weeks today and we're finding out if our baby is a boy or girl this weekend!

I've had quite a few people ask me how I am been feeling. My first trimester was okay for the most part. I didn't have morning sickness. Mostly was nausea. Fatigue was wild. Around 3pm, I would just pass out and sleep for two hours. I can't eat chicken....PERIOD! Which sucks!

I'm in my second trimester, and we're doing really good. Trying hard to keep the stress down, taking as much rest as needed for myself and the baby. I've been trying to be active for the most part, but it's not going so well. I'll get these little spurts of energy, so I try to take the opportunity to go on walks.

It's my 13 year anniversary on Tumblr 🥳

I find it hard to believe that I have had this account for 13 years. I remember when I created this account. The sole purpose of this account was to do blogs because at the time, blogs were the thing. Nowadays, everybody does "content" through TikTok, Instagram, YouTube, and Facebook. Mainly TikTok.

I was in college when I created this account. Heh, I was in the middle of my college days. Part of me knew what I wanted to major in but the other part didn't know.

Here I am 13 years later, working a full time job. Married, trying to start a family, book worm, and living life.

There you have it! The people have SPOKEN! Trump wins the election! We are going to make America Great AGAIN.

Tuesday evening was now or never. It was the championship game. I was the commentator of the race to my husband. By 7:00 p.m., the results started pouring in. I wasn't really surprised by certain states, like Colorado and the New Yorkers/Jersey area. Trump won the majority of the Swing State, but I waited for Pennsylvania. It was bouncing between Democrat and Republican, but it stayed red until the final result. I knew that if he won Pennsylvania, that was it. Which he did win that state. It was 11:11 p.m. Tuesday night, and I needed to go to bed. I had an early start for work, so I went to bed.

Woke up 4:11 a.m., and without even saying my morning prayer, I looked at the results and saw that the Associated Press made the call the Donald Trump won the election and was the elected president. I wanted to jump for joy and wake my husband to tell him the news, but I didn't. Instead, I went to the living room, sat on the couch, and said my morning prayer. I prayed to the Lord thanking him for this morning, thanking him for salvation on this election, and prayed for our president. I prayed that He protects our president from all the evilness that lurks in this world. I prayed that the nation will come together. That our nation will heal. Also, I prayed that President Trump comes before the Lord praying for guidance and protection.

Now, with the liberal side...

I'm...not sorry? Is that right? No, it's not right. This is the mean side of me that really wants to come out, and be COMPLETELY AND UTTERLY BE UGLY TO YOU! I'm not going to do that. I am sorry that the person you voted for lost. I will pray for healing for you.

I get it. It would be nice to have a female president in our country. That will make history; but I don't want a women who doesn't have an morals, who doesn't have policies that is going to benefit our country and care about our rights as American citizen. Who isn't going to follow and obey our Constitution and the Bill of Rights. I don't want a female president, who is solely focus on the women and their rights. Men exist too people. They are the provider when it comes to a household. They are the ones who make the final decision.

The world will go on and everything will be alright.

Good morning everybody. Happy Friday. It's Friday the 13th.

Like the rest of the American people who watched the presidential debate, my husband and I watched it.

My take on the whole thing was that it was a complete joke. I just kept hearing Harris spit lie after lie after lie. I didn't like that every social media platform was fact-checking Trump, but not Harris. Why is that? How is that fair? Oh wait, LIFE ISN'T FAIR!

Trump brought up things that the major news platforms aren't talking about. Springfield, Ohio are dealing with cannibalism within their community. Ducks, cats, and dogs are getting eaten. PEOPLE'S DOGS AND CATS are getting EATEN!!! Harris and Biden allowed this to happen. Now all of a sudden, Harris wants to make changes. I'm sorry, but why didn't she do any of that in the three and half years she's been in office as Vice President? Why?

We only watched the first 30 minutes of the debate and had to change to watch something else. It was just too much. Harris continued to lie about everything. I kept laughing at her because she kept saying about what she would do once she was in office. Like she was going to clean up the mess that had been going on. The border crisis, housing market, gun laws. SAME QUESTION. Why didn't she do any of that in the THREE AND HALF YEARS SHE'S BEEN IN THE OFFICE AS VICE PRESIDENT?! Another thing, she wants to talk about is women and children, and their safety. What about men? Does she not care about the men and their safety? I want to call her out as a sexist. In 2020, she wanted to ban fracking and then all of a sudden didn't want to after her one-on-one interview with CNN interview Dana Bash. MAKE UP YOUR MIND WOMAN! Also, she talked about keeping open borders, and now she wanted to close the borders. Finally, she said that she was all for the buy-back program on guns. Now, she is all for guns because she's "a gun owner". Whatever!

Harris continues to bash at Trump, calling him a racist and narcissist. She kept mentioning that the American people don't want to go back to the past. I'm sorry, but the past was way better than where we, the American people are currently. We weren't dealing with two wars, inflation wasn't going through the roof, groceries weren't expensive, and the housing market wasn't capped. I could keep going. This woman is trash. Also, she asked the American people to go to one of Trump's rallies and see people leave once he opened his mouth. How about we do the same? I know there are a few rallies she hosts and people leave early. Trump rallies are far better and there are MORE PEOPLE than hers. I've seen so many videos where the interviewer would ask them why would they vote for Kamala Harris. THEY CAN'T SAY ONE THING ABOUT HER! She doesn't care about you. Just like she doesn't care about the 13 soldiers that were killed in Afghanistan. She didn't care about the fact that when we left Afghanistan, we left all of our weapons there. Allowing the Taliban to get a hold of them. She allowed that to happen as VP.

Hello everybody! Long time no see???

Ha! It has been a minute since I've made a blog, and a lot has happened.

So far, this year has been good. No huge hiccups. Nothing crazy. We're already almost done with August and moving on to September. Where did seven months go? Or eight months.

Families are doing well for the most part, so that's good. Work has been pretty good, nothing special going on. Except the fact that we are moving to a new office next month. It's shedding my drive time by 10 minutes and I don't have to take the toll to work. So yay! There are a lot of features at the new office. Also, earlier this week, we were informed that we'll be going into the office three times a week after we move into the new office. That's going to be fun *says sarcastically*.

POLITICS!! I really don't want to get into it, but it's something that needs to be addressed. It's election year and people are out for BLOOD! Not literally though. So BIDEN decided to run for president again, but after the first presidential debate that they had in May (I think), it was a huge disaster. It was an embarrassment for the American people and for the Democratic Party. A month later, I believe, Biden dropped out of the campaign. HOWEVER, he endorsed his VP, KAMLA HARRIS!

This woman hasn't NOT ONCE visited our borders, to see what is going on. Hasn't said anything about what she's going to do about handling the border control, managing the inflation, housing market, the economy, etc. She is going to allow illegal immigrants to walk into our country, with free Medicare, free money, and PAY NO TAXES. But the American people are going to pay for those taxes. Now, I think it would be cool to have a female be the president of our country. However, as a woman, we allow our emotions get the best of us. So no. I'm sorry.

My husband has been watching a lot of political videos and news for a bit now, and I'm just at a point where I'm tired of seeing it. I'm tired of hearing it because it's the same thing. I think it's kind of sad that the American people are struggling financially. People are buying houses that they can't afford, picking which bill they want to pay, and groceries are through the roof. People can't even afford cars.

I'm going to be honest here. I'm 32 years old (yeah, I'm still pretty young), but I'm ready for a house. My husband and I have been living in the same apartment complex for five years now, and we're tired of it. I'm ready for this country to go through a HUGE change for the good of this country. I've seen videos where someone is going to random people, and asking who would they vote for this year's presidential campaign, and they would vote for Trump. THE MAJORITY OF THESE PEOPLE ARE PEOPLE WHO VOTED FOR BIDEN. They realized that having Trump in office was better. People want to accuse Trump of being a racist and narcissistic man, but he knows how to run this country and cares about the American people.

Okay, phew I think I'm done. Hubby and I are getting back into the bandwagon of Alaska. Yep, you heard me right. We're biding our time, and waiting to see what the Lord guides us. We've been praying for a better job opportunity for hubby because we can't make it here any longer. Especially if we plan on having children um real soon. Like starting this year coming up.

Good morning peeps!

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.

It's been a minute since I've posted a blog and a lot has happened.

I'm not sure if I even told ya'll but my husband decided that he wanted to try to be a police officer back in 2021, and our whole world was turned upside down. Two trucks stolen in one year, going through the academy, and working for a police department, we decided that the police life wasn't for us.

No one really talks about the REALITY of the police lifestyle. Police officers don't make enough to provide for themselves and their families (if they have one). You have to do extra jobs (or as they like to call EJs) to make a living. Also, they have nothing else better to talk about than their job. They complain about the people that they work with or the tasks they do in their job. My husband and I lived that life for about a year, and we're done. There is more to the story, but I've moved past it. We've moved on.

After spending a few days in Colorado with family, listening to their opinion and advice, we decided it was time to move on. That this police lifestyle isn't for us. My husband has gone back to doing what he was always good at. Water & wastewater operator. When we returned from our trip, my husband went to work. Apply for jobs that were hiring operators. Whether it was here at home or in another state. He even inquired about his previous employee before the Alaska job. Surprisingly, they were hiring. My husband immediately had the ball rolling on it. Tested for his wastewater license, the application process, background check, etc.

The week of Christmas, my husband received an offer and accepted it, making more than how much he was getting paid at the sheriff's department and allowed to work overtime if he wanted (which will happen). At the same time, he put in his notice at the sheriff's department. Few were surprised and sad that he was leaving, but it was time. We were done with it. After the New Year holiday, he started his new job.

When reuniting with a few coworkers, friends, and family and they would ask what we've been up to, I would tell them this story and they too were completely surprised. Of course, they would ask what happened and I gladly responded that it just wasn't for us. I assumed that people would think that we wasted two years of this police life, only to go back to water & wastewater. Honestly, I don't think or feel that way.

I'm glad we took this opportunity and tested the water on that career because we can look back and not regret it. Also, I believe that God put us through this trial. When I look back to when my husband was working in Alaska and making all that money, we NEVER, and I mean NEVER tithe to our church, like we were supposed to. God put us through where we were living paycheck to paycheck. Unable to afford another vehicle for my husband. Only afford to buy groceries for just the week. I'm getting a sense of deja vu right now. We weren't afraid to tell people we were broke, so we could go out to dinner or go to our local brewery to hang out with friends or family. I lost my train of where I was going with this. From the moment the second truck was stolen, we dived more into the bible. We spent more time with God, praying to him, and listening to him. When we found a church to call home and became members of the church, we started to tithe. Giving 10% of our paycheck to the Lord. We prayed for the tithing we were about to give, asked that he bless it, and gladly accepted it. Finally, God had opened that door for us to leave the life of a police officer/police wife and back into what he called us to do. What my husband was good at. His gift. We took it.

My husband and I prayed that this new year. This new chapter will open more opportunities for us. That we don't lose our way from following our Lord and Savior. That He keeps us in check. Also, that we continue to tithe to Him. I try my best to thank God for opening that door for us so that we could get out of the unhealthy and toxic lifestyle that we were in. I thank Him for opening our eyes to the truth.

A couple of weeks ago, it was a frustrating week. I can't even remember what day it was but my SIL that lives here (now I have four SIL on my husband's side) took it upon herself to talk to my husband's boss. She wanted to convince him to make an exception for my husband to get the time off to come to her wedding after we (my husband and myself) made the decision that we weren't going due to financial issues. Long story short, she got what she wanted. Now we're more under MORE financial stress.

Two days later, she talked to my husband and asked him how I was doing. He told her that I was fine, just working, focusing on my health, and losing weight. The first thing that comes out of her mouth is, "You know she isn't going to be skinny, right?" Thanks for the encouragement. I wouldn't be saying anything, sister. My husband trying to put water in the fire told me that he didn't want to be skinny skinny, to the point if he hugged me, I would snap into two. I told him I couldn't even get THAT skinny because genetically, it's not possible. If I did, I would have serious health issues.

As much as I keep saying that it doesn't bother me what she said, it does. It's rude. It's tacky. Why would you say something like that? I try not to let it affect my mood and let it go, but it's hard. You've been told you're big and bullied about your weight your whole life, and it hurts even more when a family member tells you.

Here's the transparency about me. I'm 5'3". I weigh 175.6 lbs. 70% is muscle and the other 20% is fat. I have trained my body to lift heavy weights. I've been lifting heavy weights for the last two and a half years. I'm transitioning my weight-lifting to lighter weights and more reps. I'm trying to eat leaner meals with less fats and carbs. I'm trying to add cardio after I work out. I am doing the best I can for myself, but as usual, it's NEVER enough for that one fucking person.

I did a thing. 

Read and let me know what you think. 

So almost a year now, I've been doing a lot of reading. It still amazes me that I'm even reading books. I didn't reach this much when I was in school. Since I've been reading, I'm slowly getting some sort of inspiration for writing. Just small scenes.

This year's goal is to read 10 books and I'm two books away from completing my goal. I've been reading what everybody reads or has been reading. Also, I'm feeling nostalgic and felt like reading the Twilight Saga. I bought the first book at Half Price Bookstore for like seven bucks.

Right now, I'm reading From Blood and Ash series with Casteel and Poppy. I'm enjoying the series, so far but I'm on book two. My all-time favorite series is The Crescent City with Hunt and Bryce. I am so excited about the next book, which comes out next year at the end of January.

Moving on. Since I've been reading, I'm starting to have some sort of inspiration. But like I said earlier, not enough to be a novel or short story. Just small scenes. Also, I think I get this inspiration from the music I listen to while reading. They're like epic music trailers or scores from movies. I haven't really thought about what type of story I would write, but I love the fae, angels, demons, vampires, etc. Basically, fantasy characters. But I don't have a plot. I don't want to buy a journal for this. Probably buy a pack of paper and just go from there.

Those who read my stuff are probably excited that I'm thinking of jumping on the bandwagon of the writing crew. I've enjoyed writing, but having the time is another story.