amateur princess

PWHL Hamilton today announced that forward Alina Müller has been signed to a three-year Professional Women’s Hockey League (PWHL) Standard Player Agreement ahead of the team’s inaugural 2026-27 season. Müller, who was under contract with the Boston Fleet, joins PWHL Hamilton on a new deal through the 2028-29 campaign and becomes the third of five players to be added during Phase 2 of the PWHL’s Expansion Roster Distribution Process.

She wasn’t stolen! It’s clearly a back alley deal that Sparre made with Marmer in exchange for releasing him from his contract early so he can be head coach in Hamilton. Hamilton is going to “sign” Alina Müller before any other team can try to, just to keep her on ice. And THEN after the regular draft, she’ll be traded back! See???

Everything’s fine!!!

Merle PANbrose

GAYmma

MaliQUEER Drake

Lydia GAYrose

Dalia FAGmea

Cyrus DICK

MooLEZda Wu

HRTston Balestrom

Selena Gomez

BartleBI

dWHOREgyn

Malorn ASSthorn

z_(n+1) = e^(z_n * (1 - i) * sin(t)) + c

Reporter:

"Danielle, I wanna go back to something that you said previously, that Kirs [Sparre]'s experience coaching the pros was really important last year; and you saw it paid dividends. But Francois does not have that pro experience. Why do you think he's equipped to fill that position given that he doesn't have that experience in that situation?

Danielle Marmer:

Your 25/26 Boston Fleet!!

Old man 1: Do you really think Amy is manipulative?

Me: (Oh this sounds juicy. Who is Amy. What did Amy do.)

Old man 2: I don't know. I think Laurie is a liar though.

Me: (The plot thickens, keep talking boys)

Old man 1: I don't think Amy should have burned Jo's papers, but I don't blame her for marrying Laurie. I don't think she's a puppetmaster. Jo said no. How is Laurie a liar?

Lumberjacks, like most megafauna species generally require more space than the average hardware store, even a big box store could provide. The misconception is that Lumberjacks are a social species because of how they often work and live together.

This is a matter of necessity, not preference, and a survival technique for thriving under the LogBoss.

A “pack” of Lumberjacks, if not under the environmental pressure of a LogBoss will naturally disperse until they each have a wide territory.

Lumberjacks rarely fight for territory.

One on one, a Lumberjack could drive out a Dad or Lesbian, however the latter tend to travel in social packs.

Lumberjacks will passively retreat on the presence of large numbers of people. Kind of like Sasquatch.

Getting a “pack” of Lumberjacks assembled would be hard enough unless they were forced into a Hardware Store by a LogBoss. In that case, they would already be in a heightened and potentially agitated state far above their natural behavior. This artificial scenario can be likened to a circus animal running amok. If it had been in the wild, the incident would not have occurred.

Free-roaming Lumberjacks are the cryptids of the Hardware ecosystem. They are surprisingly quiet and unobtrusive.

Only experienced silverbacks or the boldest young Dads dare venture into a craft store for long without his mate or offspring to keep roving Craft Ladies at bay and guide him in this strange ecosystem. If a Dad enters with his mate and is separated from her, he will often scuttle for the seeming familiarity of Woodcrafts, Models, or Paints (the latter not to be confused with Fine Arts, unquestioned territory of art students), but he eyes Scrapbooking and Jewelry with trepidation and will usually venture into those exotic areas only in the company of females of his pack.

Lumberjacks are rarely spotted entering craft stores of their own volition, for while they do not fear it as Dads do, they know it is an environment unsuited for megafauna such as themselves.

Hardware store Lesbians generally adapt more easily to craft stores, although they may enlist another Lesbian of a subspecies more adapted to that environment to guide them until they find their niche. Lesbians have even been known to seek the aid of a Craft Lady, a native fauna that share similarities with Lesbians but are usually smaller and nimbler to suit their chosen habitat. Dads who witness this are often awed by the Lesbians’ temerity, for although larger, Dads are generally wary of the cunning and dexterous Craft Ladies and may mistake their enthusiastic pack greetings as predatory swarming.

Craft Ladies, secure in their ecological niche, have no fear of interlopers and take the presence of non-native beings in stride, although they may become territorial about scarcer resources.

this song is so good, I just had to make an edit