LITTLE MISS GALAHAD OVER HERE.

so the thing with Joyce and Buffy, a huge source of conflict for them, is that Joyce has a particular vision for what she wants Buffy's life to look like and that vision is very safe and very normal and very very far away from Buffy's reality. and i think that's deeply sympathetic even if the ways she goes about expressing this to Buffy are damaging.

this is such an incredibly common way for parents of queer kids to express conflict over their child's identity. they don't want their kid to face hardship and adversity - it would be easier for everyone if their kid wasn't actually gay. and this is, basically, the angle they take with Joyce wrt Buffy being the slayer. i imagine in some way it'd be similar if Buffy came out as bi

the thing is, the Summerses seem pretty secular. i don't think Joyce would object on religious grounds. i don't think she would be hateful or abusive to Buffy over this either, let's be really clear. imo joyce wouldn't even consider herself homophobic - she comes across to me as the sort of generally nice liberal white woman who's never actually sat down and interrogated her own unconscious bias because she assumes she doesn't have any. she would find loud religious homophobes off-putting and ignorant. she doesn't see herself as having anything in common with them

she works in the arts! she's been around gay people! i see her as the particular kind of straight woman that likes and is comfortable with gay men, but doesn't feel quite the same level of ease with queer women. she doesn't really 'get' them. but again - polite, not hateful, has never really dwelt on it

so, aside from the numerous times we've had conflict between Joyce and Buffy that's very "straight parent who doesn't 'get' their queer child" coded, there's this one bit from s05e02 "Real Me" that always stands out for me

DAWN VOICEOVER: Like Tara. (Cut back to Dawn in the bedroom) She and Willow are both witches. They do spells and stuff, which is so much cooler than slaying. I told Mom one time I wished they'd teach me some of the things they do together. A-and then she got really quiet and made me go upstairs. (She pauses in her writing and looks puzzled.) Huh. I guess her generation isn't cool with witchcraft.

okay okay obviously this is a joke but that doesn't mean I won't run with it.

because i think the key things here that stand out to me is Joyce being deeply uncomfortable with the idea of one of her own daughters being gay. i think this extends out of that unexamined discomfort with queer women generally but i think it's REALLY focused in on the idea of this being a potential reality for her child

because it's hard to imagine joyce being really worked up about willow being gay. i don't think that would bother her. but i think that acceptance would absolutely live alongside a measure of conflict and discomfort with the idea of one of her daughters also being queer

in the context of buffy coming out while in a relationship with faith, i think this would become really obvious.

i think faith being a lesbian would make a lot of sense for joyce. it wouldn't really bother her. she's 'troubled' after all, has had a rough background, has always taken up space in a slightly different way. i think she'd feel some pity for faith, maybe, because this is part of the tough hand she's been dealt

but buffy? i feel like Joyce's first reaction would be, well - denial, maybe? not purposely cruel, but condescending and dismissive. faith can be a lesbian, willow can be a lesbian, but buffy as a bisexual would just be confused. she's young, she's got a lot of big feelings and this intense friendship with faith who is gay - it's easy to misunderstand your own feelings. besides, buffy has always liked boys, has had all these boyfriends

it continues as she grapples with things. i think her instinct here WOULD be to try to argue with buffy about it. clearly this must be because boys have broken her heart a few times. maybe it's because of the divorce. when her dad disappeared maybe she felt like she couldn't trust men, that heterosexual relationships wouldn't work out. maybe it's joyce's fault for not modeling that better for her. maybe it's that lack of a present father figure - i really think it's the more subtle, insidious brand of homophobia that jocye has internalized here, not the fire and brimstone sort. again - this is fine for other people, but Joyce knows her daughter. obviously. and she's never before had the thought that buffy might be gay, buffy doesn't feel to her very much like the gay women Joyce has known. by her own admission Buffy is still attracted to boys - it's clear she's just confused here

i don't think it's necessarily malicious, but her instinct would be to explain to Buffy why she's wrong about herself, so things can go back to normal

of course this would go disastrously. in Joyce's mind none of this would be a rejection, but of course it would hurt buffy deeply - it's yet another example of joyce trying to push her to be something she isn't.

i actually do think this would be a good point of tension for faith and buffy, because i think buffy would take it way harder.

faith's family would be doubtlessly way less accepting. i think anything short of getting hit and called names and kicked out would seem, to faith, a pretty generous reaction. this is bc the bar for having a good mother is literally underground for faith. i think there's extra complications underneath, faith already seeing herself as not really good enough for buffy, faith being inclined to like joyce and want her approval, and so already expecting and not being particularly hurt by finding out joyce is disappointed because of course that makes sense

this would compound Buffy's frustration - not only with her mom for reacting this way, but with Faith for being so unbothered by it - for seeming to even agree with some of it

anyway - i have different ideas for how I'd really dig in and resolve this in a fic, depending on what season we were in and what the setup was. but i do think all of this is surmountable. i think Joyce would absolutely get over it, given a little time. this is not someone with a vested interest in being a homophobe, just a woman that deeply loves her daughters and has a lot of unconscious baggage she hasn't unpacked.