a fading no one

Tumblr is not a social media, it's an online psych ward.

"Are you ok?" I'm actually tired bro. From the bottom of my heart I'm tired

thinking you're being overdramatic and paranoid over nothing only to be proven completely right is such a sickening feeling.

i wish i could tell everyone how bad im struggling 

I wish I didn't ruin every good thing in my life. My eyes are red and sore and my heart is heavy with the fear of another struggle from bed in the morning to bed at night.

Everytime I get comfortable enough to act how I feel I'm suddenly mean. Why am I not allowed to be monotone???? I shouldn't have to sugarcoat everything I say. I should be allowed to just look sad. I AM IN PAIN WHY CAN'T I SHOW IT??????????

I'm less and less interested in masking my mental illness for people anymore. My energy belongs to my recovery and my healing, not in pretending I'm okay for your comfort or your approval.

the fact that we got so used to this is scary

I’m jealous of those who can function like a normal human being. They don’t have anxiety holding them back from everything, they don’t struggle to get out of bed or have to put on an act that everything is fine when its not. They don’t struggle to hold friendships and relationships… they don’t feel sad for no fucking reason everyday. Those that can hold jobs and work towards their dreams, the ones who have self esteem and see the beauty in themselves. Those that know what its like to feel safe and secure, not insecure and fearful of it all. 

everyone says “you can talk to me!” but they really just want to hear that you’re doing “good”, they don’t want to hear all the dark shit that’s really going on