Chaotic Ramblings

•Constantly text you •Get scared if you don’t text back soon •Be extremely clingy •get jealous easy •Seem like they are moving/falling in love too fast •or seem too distant to fall in love from fear of getting left behind

cold coffee

muttering sorry, bad memory instead of sometimes i don’t know how i got here

avoiding mirrors at all costs

binge eating until you can taste again

a floaty, tired feeling as you drive home

shaking hands

constantly checking the time

Like, there’s this expectation that mentally ill people WANT to “recover” from their illness. That they want happy, healthy lives, that they want to be like “normal” people.

But that’s not always the case. At least, not emotionally. Logically, I know that I want to have a normal life. But emotionally? That’s freaking terrifying.

To me, right now in the middle of this depressive episode, I don’t want to get better. Getting better involves work, getting better involves facing my fears, it involves conforming to these societal standards that I care less and less about each day. Often there is this little voice in the back of my mind that just says… “Don’t get better. What other people think doesn’t matter. Just stay sad. Just stay in bed. This is easy for you. This is what you’re used to. This is your status quo. Why change?”

There is this huge attitude in non-mentally ill people where they don’t tend to take these illnesses seriously because they don’t see actual evidence. Therefore often people will mental illnesses begin to feel like, “I have to be bad, I have to show this” to prove to the world, and themselves, that their disorder is real.

So once again, if mentally ill people are reading this, you don’t have to prove your disorder to everyone. If you’re “functioning” or “recovered” or just in a good stage, that does not mean your illness doesn’t exist or that you were faking it.

-Deadpool is insecure -Deadpool has chronic pain -Deadpool is submissive in bed -Deadpool is pansexual -Deadpool lifts up his mask so Hawkeye can read his lips -Deadpool is a blonde -Deadpool’s initials are WWW -Deadpool had an abusive father -Deadpool’s mother died from cancer -Deadpool fell in love with a teenager -Deadpool left her because he didn’t want to hurt her -Deadpool had a daughter -Deadpool didn’t believe she was his because she was too beautiful -Deadpool had to be dragged away from his daughter’s dead body by Cap and Wolverine -Deadpool carries Hello Kitty band aids -Deadpool is good with kids -Deadpool can’t be killed by Ghost Rider because he doesn’t think he’s done anything wrong -Deadpool hates himself -Deadpool used to curl up in a ball and mumble about his skin hurting -Deadpool is married to the queen of the undead -Deadpool reads his own comics