Cesspools of New York

"Been training for American Ninja Warrior a few months now. They've had all sorts on there but I know we'll be the first traffic cones. Tim's practicing for the pole vault but no way I'm doing that cold. A little asphalt yoga beforehand has definitely improved my run times." (Canarsie, New York) #canarsie #brooklyn #newyork #ninjawarrior #mtmidoriyama #americanninjawarrior #polevault #asphaltyoga #bikramyoga #runtime #cardiojunkie #crossfit https://www.instagram.com/p/Bpj_TYxhfk0/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=fj5pxbvuah4f

"Started working in advertising after the last Warped Tour. Figured I'd make some money on the side from boutiques, local bands etc. I ask if they mind that I'm a literal trash can but the print media people don't really care. Business hasn't been great for them so they're willing to put their logo on anything. And I mean anything." (Dumbo, New York) #dumbo #brooklyn #newyork #advertising #printmedia #trashcan #warpedtour #buylocal #dyingbusiness #trashcan #logo #iputthatshitoneverything #botiques #grunge https://www.instagram.com/p/Bore4Lwg7i_/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1kab04dn44jzn

"Used to be actual cobblestone in Cobble Hill, but you don't really get to see us much anymore. Asphalt basically modernize the entire neighborhood. Something about 'wanting to make the roads smooth for car suspensions.' I think it's an abandonment of traditional American values." (Cobble Hill, New York) #cobblehill #brooklyn #newyork #cobblestone #brownstone #modernize #asphalt #tradition #Americanvalues #simplertime #suspension #automotive #patriot #rememberberries https://www.instagram.com/p/BoHnH8Ph_Yg/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=rns0djuq2mrc

"Some middle schooler dropped us on the train tracks a few months back. It's been sort of peaceful down here. Don't know what day it is but at least we're not stuck hustling around NYC. Track workers offered to move us but we declined. Sort of like a staycation except for the terrifying diseased rats." (14th Street, New York) #14thstreet #manhattan #newyork #traintracks #peaceful #hustle #trackwork #maintenance #staycation #rats #ratatouille #mastersplinter #subway #mta #goingyourway https://www.instagram.com/p/Bn1jG08BOWf/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=12u4a4ju2p8mu

"Did I fall? Yes. Do I need your help to get back up? Probably. Do I want your help? Absolutely not. Police tape does the job anyways and if I stay here I'm liable to get a few sick days out of it. Nobody wants to deal with another workplace injury lawsuit." (Lower East Side, New York) #lowereastside #les #manhattan #newyork #fallenandicantgetup #fallen #workplaceinjury #policetape #mta #lawsuit #sickday #dontneedyourhelp #dontneedyourpity #getbackup #motivation #liability #saulgoodman #bettercallsaul https://www.instagram.com/p/BnzBiLbBo3a/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1rjj2dnti7dw7

"A job is a job. You think I have any idea what the symbols on the palm mean? I thought it was a junkie looking for veins when I first saw it. I'm no psychic but the one thing I'll guarantee is that a tourist and his or her money is soon to be friggen parted. But nobody pays me for life advice do they. " (Port Authority, New York) #portauthority #pennstation #manhattan #newyork #psychic #afoolandhismoney #conjob #mystic #junkie #vein #jobisajob #callmenow #tarotcards #truebeliever #tourist #touristtrap #lifradvice #poster #mrscleo #trainspotting https://www.instagram.com/p/Bnl2-G1iKno/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=ulp9abvbvfjh

"I'm hiding from my wife. She found a different hydrant's adapter in my briefcase and has been on a war path ever since. Tried to explain it's just a work thing but once she gets that look in her eyes...I'd rather work sewage in BedStuy." (Forest Hills, New York) #foresthills #queens #newyork #hose #adapter #firehydrant #hiding #warpath #infidelity #itwasntme #hydrant #sewage #bedstuy #letmeseeyourphone #daytimedrama #caught #cheaters #infrastructure https://www.instagram.com/p/BnWgP5LB1Gg/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=9ykuokfoce1h

"There were a lot of family and friends who thought I was crazy. 'Who gets pot implants, your current pot is more than large enough.' I get it, it's different and scary and new, but I feel confident and that's what matters. There's soil down there sure but I will admit it's mostly silicone and empty air. " (Grand Central, New York) #grandcentral #manhattan #newyork #grandcentralstation #bodymod #bodymodification #implants #potted #pottedplants #silicone #saline #augmentation #biggerisbetter #condidence #oversized https://www.instagram.com/p/BnUJ5hVhioW/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=u0x614liafbv

"Let me just answer these before you start. Yes I still work, hot air in, slightly cooler air out. Yes I smell like halal food, I've been working here five years. No the smell won't go away. If that's a deal breaker keep moving. And lastly, no that's not lamb. Just drown it in white sauce, hot sauce and stop asking stupid questions." (Port Authority, New York) #portauthority #manhattan #newyork #ac #airconditioning #halal #halalguys #dealbreaker #lamboverrice #chickenoverrice #kebab #kosher #streetfood #nosuchthing #asstupidquestions #juststupidpeople #whitesauce #hotsauce

"No one even mentioned we were color coordinating today. No heads up, no text I'm beginning to think the rest of the guys have a second group chat. Things have been a little tense since I said I'd let me daughter date a brown bag." (Lincoln Square, New York) #lincolnsquare #manhattan #newyork #trashbag #groupchat #colorcoordinated #squad #brownbag #integration #reduce #reuse #recycle #outcast #internalpolitics #weliveinasociety

"The bros were moving and decided it wasn't worth the Uhaul so I ended up just chilling here. Problem is I'm too close to Tisch and all the art school students think this is some sort of outdoor living art exhibit. It'd be annoying if the tags weren't blowing up my Insta account." (NoHo, New York) #northhouston #noho #manhattan #newyork #couch #uhaul #freecouch #couchsurfing #tisch #artschool #nyu #streetart #artdegree #modernist #modernart #streetgallery

"I'm not doing this to be a dick. I've just seen so many people try to make the narrow gap next to me and wipeout. Used to think it was funny but now I want to influence change in my community. Plus I set up a little camera to the side to put the best flops on YouTube." (Hunters Point, New York) #hunterspoint #queens #newyork #cycling #streetsigns #walkyourdog #walkyourbike #hope #communityactivism #community #flops #bethechange #wearahelmet #ordont

"I wanted to do something different with my hair you know? All the other mooring ropes laughed at me but I'm doing what it takes to feel beautiful. Plus my braids look fantastic now and no one, not even the seagulls, can take that away from me. " (Chelsea Piers, New York) #chelseapiers #chelsea #manhattan #newyork #rope #dye #dyedhair #bluehair #dontcare #mooring #mooringrope #dockofthebay #pier #hearmeroar #empowerment #seagulls #hairislife #frenchbraid

"Those little scan swipper iPads put us put out of business. They're 'convenient 'n for the millennial. But can an iPad store those annoying pennies and nickels? Does it have a secret bottom when you're getting held up at the end of a 3am shift? Can an iPad prove that Stacey is stealing your tips? That's what I thought. You'll all come crying back to us when the market collapses." (NoLita, New York) #nolita #manhattan #newyork #iPad #retail #heldup #pennies #loosechange #secret #nightshift #tip #bearmarket #financialcrisis #nickelanddime #bodega #millennials #cashonly #nocash

"You know that scene in Demolition Man when Stallone is eating a burger down in the sewers and the other detective asks him if he 'sees any cows around here?' Same principle. Just don't ask about the meat and it'll be delicious. All I'll say is it sure as hell isn't vegan." (Carroll Gardens, New York) #carrollgardens #brooklyn #newyork #bbq #demolitionman #sly #stallone #sylvesterstallone #vegan #meat #cow #cinephile #sewers #paleo #barbecuesauce #impossibleburger #streetmeat #slowcooker #roast

"I ran away from it all, the glitz and glamour of someone taking you around a supermarket then some high schooler putting you back in line. Too repetitive. I needed more out of life so I figured I'd try my luck in Chinatown. Little harder for me to find work here but the freedom means everything to me. Don't miss Whole Foods one bit. " (Chinatown, New York) #chinatown #manhattan #newyork #glitz #glamour #cart #supermarket #freedom #wholefoods #cartlady #baglady

"I didn't know this is what I'd be doing with my life. I thought I'd be a UPS or FedEx van when I was growing up. People don't normally throw eggs and bags of dog poo at those. Well I guess they do in Staten Island but those people got no class. Hell I voted libertarian." (Times Square, New York) #timessquare #manhattan #newyork #foxnews #mediatakeout #vans #fedex #ups #vandalized #graffiti #libertarian #statenisland #classy #trashy #fakenews