#bodymod

They take down my bodymod pierce-play pictures from tumblr under claims of violating the sexually explicit content policy. in the images I am clothed, there nothing sexual in the caption, and the pictures are of my arms. they just have needles in.

is this work taken down because I'm a trans sex worker with a flagged account, because I'm fat and thus my amount of shown skin is automatically considered obscene, or because tumblr mods actually think pictures of needles in my arms is akin to porn?

doesn't matter. they don't have to tell me. it's making SOMEONE uncomfortable, so it needs to come down. there are enough justifications that they can just call it sexually explicit and move on. I can appeal, right? as if it matters what I say in the appeal. they wield all the power. if they say it's porn, then it's porn. "I'll know it when I see it".

Pictures of my arms. an expression of the autonomy that's been denied to me my whole life, and I can't even put it on tumblr to explain what it means to me.

Body modders and sharps players are often accused of self harming. The problems with this are myriad.

1) The people who tout this rhetoric have no interest in helping anyone who IS self harming. They have no interest in creating a better world to reduce the likelihood of self harm. These people see body modification and self harm BOTH as degenerate, and they want them out of their communities. They don't want to have to look at it - to look at us. These people are akin to those who want homeless people off the street but refuse to consider free housing. Concern-trolling about self harm is an attempt to shame us all back into normalcy. It is also - in the less malicious, more ignorant cases - often an expression of fear, a misunderstanding. Part of this will be forced by confronting a person who is uncowed by societal norms; the other part of this will be forced by confronting their own internal urges to break out of the mould. When you see someone with a lot of modifications, it can prompt you to consider what you'd look or feel like with some of your own - and this moment of staring your own (potential lack of) autonomy in the eye can be incredibly daunting.

2) Body modification and sharps play is (USUALLY) only practiced by people with the skills, training, and confidence to pull it off. There are dozens of community based classes for this kind of thing. It is something joyful and artistic shared between friends and community. This is not "self harm". Self harm is a practice of risk, fear, and - usually - isolation. Moulding your body into something wonderful with the help of a friend is an expression of autonomy.

3) There IS an overlap, and it is not only okay, but good and necessary. I can PERSONALLY attest that the catharsis provided by safe sharps play puts me back in my body like nothing else. It completely halts my self harm intrusive thoughts. For me, this is a very real form of harm reduction. If I can turn to a trained friend to put needles in my skin when I need grounding, I'm far less likely to do something that will actually hurt or badly harm me, and I'll probably be in a much better state of mind afterwards (least of all because I've spent time being cared for by a friend!).

4) Even if it was self harm all the way down, people still have the right to self harm. It's your body and you have every right to it, no holds barred. There will be people who use bodymod to self harm [imo many people don't count plastic surgery as bodymod, but it definitely is - and it's probably the most widescale area you'll find people self harming in. funnily enough, it's also the most societally accepted, especially for women - perhaps this says something about how misogynist society & the beauty industry manufactures consent for self harm among women? this isn't a conversation we can have without taking bodymod & bodily autonomy more seriously in their own rights.], as there are in every subculture, and we should still respect their right to do what they want with their body.

In disability & chronic illness spaces there is a concept known as "dignity of risk". This concept says that we should be allowed the dignity to do things that we know may present a risk to us. This is important in disabled circles especially, because for some of us if we didn't "risk" hurting ourselves every day, we'd never leave the house. We work on harm reduction, risk *awareness*, and knowing our limits. My bones can dislocate on a whim. Do I risk leaving the house, walking places, knowing this exacerbates my chances of pain?

We cannot be afraid of risk to the point that it stops us from living.

I believe the concept of dignity of risk needs to be taken on and upheld as a value by any movement that believes in bodily autonomy. As a trans person, I took a risk when I came out, when I went on hrt. There was always a chance I was wrong. This was a risk I was aware of, and it was a risk I eventually had to be okay living with or I never would have changed my name. It's a risk the people around me had to be okay with. They had to allow me the dignity to take that risk. Now, I'm happy.

Why did I trans my gender? Because I wanted to, and I could, so I did.

Why do I put needles in my arms? Well, because I want to, and I can, and I have skilled friends willing to help.

I miss them, I hate the way they look without em

Also I can't make up my mind on whether I want to get a torso tattoo or not. Being an attention whore online and being a paranoid mf irl really isn't a good mix lol

Confession I've been editing out my ink like a insane mf tbh

Maybe I'll just settle for hip tattoos first and see how it goes WAHHHH idk mannn

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