Will sate itself in a celestial bed and prey on garbage

sorry for bitching and whining. unfortunately i have to or else ill start killing and eating people instead

basketball dracula isn't real dude he can't-- *sudden squeaking noises from the shadows*

*two pool toys having sex tumble by in the wind* oh thank god

*thunderous slam dunk noise*

when you’re having a laugh with your dad but then you suddenly remember that he’s going to hell

topical

oh my god hamlet

i know im a cat because "omg does puppy want walkies" does literally nothing to me. like. no. i want to stay home. i want chicken. j want to be pet for 11 minutes and then swat at you and go be alone. i want chicken and parallel play. attention is on MY terms. do not put that harness on me im taking my 12th nap today. im eating my dry food. im playing with my mouse. im not going on a walk man

bitches hate me because of my.... bad personality.... paranoid nature... addictive tendencies......the torture basement.

It was a global problem

the problem with musicians is how they're always touring their latest album instead of like their critically hated second album from 2009 which is the one i'm obsessed with