Cringe is dead

“Proud Immortal Demon Way” is the worst web novel Shen Jiu has ever read.

He doesn't need to finish it to say this. Some idiot in the comment section tried to argue that he can’t give an opinion without reading the entire thing; they are clearly someone with enough time to waste reading garbage all day. He doesn’t have time to waste.

The barista is glaring at him, but he’s not moving from his seat until his phone gets to at least 70% battery. It would probably charge faster if he weren’t reading, but he paid for the shittiest coffee in town just so he could use their wifi and charging ports. He’s not moving.

Shen Jiu glares back and the barista looks away, pretending to be busy cleaning cups.

Coward.

If you want to act superior, you should at least have the guts to kick him out. He takes the slowest possible sip out of the dirty water they call coffee and keeps reading the comment section to “Proud Immortal Demon Way”.

The most infuriating thing is that the writing is actually good, the prose and pacing are extremely well done! Too bad that good writing doesn’t save the novel from having the most insufferable, annoying, and downright creepy protagonist Shen Jiu has ever seen.

Luo Binghe is the worst character he’s ever had the displeasure of reading about. People in the comment section don’t seem to share his opinion but if Shen Jiu had to guess, they probably didn’t share his reading comprehension either.

Luo Binghe’s obsession with his beloved Shizun can only be described as the strangest Oedipus complex ever put to paper. His Shizun can’t be both his father figure and the only man in existence he wants to fuck. There’s something extremely wrong with this character, and he has no reason to be like this!

Well, actually, there is a reason.

His Shizun, Shen Qingqiu, spoiled him rotten from the moment he picked him off the road. The entirety of the disciplehood arc is taken over by the man doting endlessly on the protagonist, who never suffers any hardship or difficulty improving, and even wastes time by cooking and cleaning like a maid and acting like a clumsy idiot to fall into his master’s arms at any chance! If this were a decent novel, he would have been a terrible cultivator as a result. Instead, he just kept improving, becoming stronger than anyone else.

Shen Jiu was about to drop the novel when the Immortal Alliance Conference arc happened.

Luo Binghe's demonic heritage was revealed during a fight with a particularly vicious monster he couldn't remember the name of (some bullshit hybrid with a rhino and something else, it's not important. The monsters in this are idiotic.), wounded and afraid he went to look for his beloved Shizun to hide under his wing as he'd done his entire life.

Only to find the man had been murdered. The killer, still standing over him with a bloody sword.

How fucking typical is that? To kill the beloved mentor character? If the author were merciful, that would have been the end of Luo Binghe's creepy sexual thing for his master, but no. It just got worse and more obsessive as it went on, only joined by detailed plans to take his revenge on Shen Qingqiu’s murderer.

Luckily for everyone involved, Luo Binghe fell into the endless abyss soon after as he blindly tried to attack Shen Qingqiu's murderer. If that hadn't happened, Shen Jiu is sure that he would have kept his Shizun’s dead body and slept with it.

Shen Jiu usually enjoys being sure that his main characters wouldn’t engage in necrophilia but he couldn’t be sure with Luo Fucking Binghe. He was planning on digging Shen Qingqiu back up when Shen Jiu finally had enough and stopped reading.

There was no reason to subject himself to this travesty. Especially after the only saving grace of this entire thing, his favourite character, just died.

He’s not bitter about it. He has other things to worry about, like if any of his jie-jie’s are gonna let him sleep on their couch tonight or if he’s gonna have to make do with the subway station again.

He puts the phone on the table face down when he glances over another comment cheering over the man’s death. Maybe he does it a little too harshly, but he can only hope he won’t find a brand new crack once he turns it again.

All the other readers are idiots. It will only give him an ulcer if he keeps thinking about it, but how can everyone fall for what’s clearly an unreliable narrator? Luo Binghe could tell these people that the sky is green and they would believe him without hesitation.

He drinks the lukewarm remains of his coffee and crushes the paper cup in his hand. It's not as satisfying as he’d hoped.

When he turns to unplug his charger, he hears the door open, but he doesn't spare a single glance in its direction.

So he almost misses her. And "almost" is dangerous enough.

Qiu Haitang hasn't changed a day since Shen Jiu last saw her. Her voice is chipper as she speaks to the barista. Still innocent and completely oblivious to the rot around her.

Why is she here? Why is–

Is he here too?

No.

Nonono– he needs to go away, he can't let her see him– even if Jianluo is not here, she would tell.

Cheerfully and without a single thought, “Did you know I saw A-Jiu today?” and he would know. He would find him.

The thought of sleeping in the subway is comforting compared to the alternative.

Without looking in her direction, as even that might alert her of his presence, he rushes out of the store. Phone clutched in his hand so hard it feels like he might be able to break it.

He keeps waking, rushing, without looking back. Surely, surely she didn't see him. Too caught up in her happy, perfect life—

There's the chime of the door opening behind him.

"A-Jiu?"

He doesn't look back at her. He runs off like an animal who spotted the eyes of a predator, pushing and shoving anyone in his way, not looking at anything except the way forward. Except for the way to safety.

Too bad he's never been safe. Never in his life.

It's so sudden, so violent, all he gets as a warning is the screeching of tires before he realizes the world has twisted itself, turned upside down, and tilted. He's not moving anymore. He should be moving.

He didn't even see what hit him once he stepped into the road.

There's so much pain there might as well be none, as incomprehensible it is. Everything hurts, then nothing hurts.

Then nothing is there to see anymore. Nothing is there to hear anymore, nor to feel or to run away from.

It's all black.

There's nothing.

There's no one.

Ah! So much for running away. So much for safety. Shen Jiu's first memory in this life was of running away, and his last is the same, always running. Never to reach anything.

Just to end up the same as he started. Without anything but himself.

What sort of life was this? Wasted. Unfair. Cruel.

What a joke. What a cruel, cruel joke.

The universe owes him. He thinks spitefully.

It owes him everything. A good life, a place above all the rot in this world. As high as a mountain.

"In my next life… I'd better get everything I've ever wanted." He says.

He blinks in the darkness. Unsure of how he said it.

A widow opens in front of his eyes. Like a glimpse of a clear sky after having been plunged into darkness.