Call me the breeze

Daily affirmations for tesla owners: your car is ugly as hell and everyone hates you

Putting the term "male gaze" on top of the fridge until everyone remembers that it refers to a cinematographic trend and not the act of looking at things while being a man

reaching up to get it off of the fridge and the big tshirt im wearing as pyjamas rides up and the reader sees my panties

the clock app always picks the numbers for you but in calculator the numbers can be anything you want

Bear religion probably fucking rocks. You're a fucking bear, you're the deadliest thing on earth, once a year an endless supply of salmon just flings itself up the river to gorge on and then you nap for 3 months.

fucked that you can’t fix other people especially when you really care about them. Oh so im just supposed to be there for you while you suffer. like a useless cunt gargoyle

the bouncer is what they call bunnies now i think

bars & clubs are guarded by bunnies

Babies are socially accepted parasites.

When u read Ayn Rand 1 time

They’re not a parasite, they’re a potential investment

When you read Ayn Rand a dozen times

You're obsessed with the rotting bloated corpse. It's like your Jungkook. Embarassing!

Like I just love how you can pinpoint “Ninmiltrid Fmiltindryden” as the exact moment the joke went from making Mark Hamill say funny but still vaguely name-shaped words to forcing that poor man to pronounce straight up keysmashes out loud.

duuude is that a losing dog? *gets out my wallet*