Space Wizards and Stabby Glowsticks

Cherish what you have before it's gone

The funniest stupid thing that could happen here is some podracer promoter looking at Han Solo and going, "If that's fake, that's a stupid ass name. If that's real, that's stupid ass name; never use your real name. We've got to get you a gimmick, kid. We've got to make up a persona. We're gonna sell a storyline, so you can do better for yourself than just helping Jabba fix the races to get the most of the sports betting money."

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"There's only been one human podracer of any note here, some really tiny kid about 30 years ago, and people still talk about it. So we're gonna say you're him all grown up and coming home. We're gonna build on something here. No, I don't know how humans age and I don't care. You'll be wearing a helmet most of the time, and then we'll just say you look good for your age. Humans are ugly, who can tell? Kid, we're going to make you a STAR."

And fine, whatever, it works to start out with. Han is mainly focused on not dying, both on the racetracks and at Jabba's terrible, non-stop parties he's forced to attend sometimes. (Boba Fett SUCKS; Han would shove that guy into the sarlacc pit if he could get away with it.) He's GOT to find a way to get himself and Chewie off of this awful sand planet...

They never go “oh we have the courage to love each other when the evil Jedi and the council tell us not to. The world is against us but our love is strong enough to overcome blah blah blaaaah”

They legit go “this is wrong. The only good decision before us is to walk away. And yet the fact that it’s wrong is kinda hot. We know the rules and, hell, we even agree with the rules but but breaking rules is fun and sexy so let’s not even just date let’s get married.”

Like. If you go up to teenage Anakin and want to bash on the Jedi the only thing that would really work is “the Jedi are weak but the act strong and they hold back the people with the real strength” which…. Is not a huge argument within fandom.

If people go up to Anakin during AOTC and say…. “The Jedi are cold and unfeeling and deserve to be destroyed” he’d be like???? What the fuck no?

“Being a Jedi means you aren’t allowed to love” Padme literally said this exact same thing in the movie and he corrects her. He says the Jedi are encouraged to love.

Padme and Anakin know their relationship is against the rules and they never say the rules are wrong! When Padme talks about how Anakin would need to leave the order and she’d probably have to step down as senator she doesn’t say it like “damn them and their oppressive rules” she says it like “haha yeah behold the consequences of our actions”

We started singin’

My, my this here Anakin guy

Maybe Vader someday later, now he’s just a small fry

And he left his home and kissed his mommy goodbye

Sayin’, “Soon I’m gonna be a Jedi”

but our boy sheev? when his plans don't go perfectly he's just like oh well and starts zapping fuckers to death bc he's also the most powerful old prune in the galaxy and he could just kill everyone around him if he gets bored

like luke throwing away his lightsaber and declaring himself a jedi was great but you know that luke kinda thought that was it, the crotchety old emperor doesn't have vader to fight for him anymore courtesy of luke cutting off vader's hand for possibly the fortieth time in anakin's life, so it's smooth sailing until lando destroys the death star and blasts them all to kingdom come, but then palps is like aw shucks no new apprentice can't blame a guy for trying and just starts deep frying luke for shits and giggles and our poor twink is like THIS ISN'T ONE OF THE THINGS I THOUGHT THE FORCE COULD DO ABORT ABORT ABORT