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@captaintruealpha
Yeah c'mon

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holy shit watch this until the end for a wild easter egg. not gonna spoil it and not sure when this aired but wow
It's important to understand that this segment is 9 years old.
the phrases "kill myself" "kill yourself" "let's kill ourselves" are sacred because brands cannot use them. holy in the literal sense
like does anyone else still feel the exact same age they were in march 2020 like 90% of the time
Tony Hawk’s Twitter is a gold mine honestly
We Stan this San Diego Man
this
C o m e d yy
Some recent gems:
And of course there’s
#where is race war tony hawk tweet thats my fav (via @laughingfish)
I gotchu, bro:
i’m wheezgJmf stoP
Honestly every time this thread just makes me laugh. And new additions…excellent.

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Black Panther: Wakanda Forever (2022) dir. Ryan Coogler
There’s a road in between where I live and another town I go to called Dead Indian Memorial Road, and when you look up how it got its name and it was because there used to be a native village in the area but one day they were discovered to all have been poisoned, and the official histories are like “it is possible they poisoned themselves accidentally, buuuuuut this was during a gold rush in the area, soooooooo……,,”
This is important.
Also Lakota Man is racist af and super toxic/performative so don't follow him anywhere actually.
There was one of those hyperspecific polls that had an option like “your grandfather told you war stories that he never told anyone else” and now I feel like I have to tell the story about how a spider saved my grandpa’s life in WWII and how my family doesn’t kill spiders because we owe our existence to that One Single Spider
So to set the scene, it's the height of WWII in France and my grandpa—a 6'3" 20 year old upper Michigan farm boy—has been separated from his company after their temporary camp was shelled. My grandpa (who, I have to add, was nicknamed 'the Suicide Kid' at this point because he worked in demolitions and bomb interception and kept taking the jobs no one wanted with the expectation that he was never going home anyway) is scared out of his wits, wandering around the French countryside alone. He has to move at night and sleep in barns and sheds during the day to hide from people who most definitely want him dead.
On one of these days, he finds a farmhouse of a very jittery couple who agree to let him sleep in the barn, with the conditions that he sleeps in the barn loft and if he's found, they disavow all knowledge that he was there. He agrees, because he's exhausted and will sleep in a hay pile if he has to. My grandpa manages to fit all six foot three inches of himself into a feed trough stored upstairs and tries to get some sleep.
However, right when he's half-snoozing, he hears motors outside and sure enough, here are some very angry officers of mixed Nazi and Vichy make confronting the couple saying someone up the road spotted an American soldier walking this way. They wouldn't know anything about that, would they? No, of course not.
All the while, my grandpa—now trying to figure out how to either escape the barn unseen or how to fight off six? seven? eight? people at once—freezes up and waits for the inevitable. While he does, a HUGE spider crawls next to his head and onto the loft railing. For one second, he thinks about swatting it away, but that would risk him being seen and killed.
So, instead, he lays there and waits to either fight to the death or get executed in a feed trough. And while he lays there, the spider starts making a huge web on the railing. My grandpa's transfixed by this thing. He watches her go around and around, building a solid web before plopping herself off to one side and waiting for breakfast. At the same time, the officers finally go into the barn.
My grandpa can hear them searching around, turning over crates and checking animal pens. Then, he hears one say to check the loft.
And then another say, "Don't bother. Look at the spiderwebs up there. No one's been there in a while."
And they leave.
Because my grandpa didn't swat the spider away and let her build her web, the officers thought no one was there and left him alone. They drive off and my grandpa immediately thanks the farmer couple and hauls ass out of there as soon as he can.
After this, my grandpa refused to kill any spider, and his kids did the same. Because if it wasn't for her, he wouldn't have lived and would never have had kids or grandkids. So we owe her one.
There's the man himself. Go grandpa!!
I think the funniest thing about true crime fans is they seem to be the fastest to fall for whatever tricks the murderers try to pull once on trial. "Ted Bundy said porn corrupted him and that's actually why he committed the murders" OK yeah i'm sure fucking Ted Bundy is a trustworthy upstanding citizen we should listen to.
The truth is true crime fans want serial killers to be way more interesting and complex than they actually are, when in reality they're mostly garden variety misogynists and racists that happen to have a sadistic streak.

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I laughed at this for, like, WAY too long and woke the entire house.
This I can never unsee. I will forever see this.
Yayoi Kusama: Infinity Mirrored Room (2013) the souls of millions of light years away
I hope Avengers sometimes go to Strange like “I need your help” and he’s like “What’s wrong? Skrulls? Hydra?” and they’re like “I’m congested and it hurts when I swallow.”
You think they ever approach Vision in a similar manner to complain about how the wi-fi router keeps kicking them off the network?
Well, NOW I do.
Peter Parker calls Steve Rogers at midnight and he shows up at Aunt May’s in full uniform, shield at the ready. “You said something about Nazis? Let’s go.”
And Peter’s standing in the doorway in pajamas and like, pikachu slippers, and he’s like, “The AP history test is tomorrow. I need you to tell me everything you know.”
Peter calls Natasha on a Wednesday night and she immediately appears on his doorstep in full gear, ready to face whatever threat her fellow spider has encountered. What she gets is Peter in a leotard and tights with a determined glint in his eye.
Natasha: I thought this was an avenger-level emergency, not a fashion one.
Peter: Actually, it’s a Nat emergency. Flash said that ballet was girly, so now I have to do Swan Lake at lunch tomorrow to prove him wrong. You’re the only one I can trust with this.
Nat, choked up but hiding it well: … okay.
Hi I want to let you kids know how effective these walk outs are: public schools are payed by attendance. Meaning if you’re not going to class the whole school isn’t getting payed their share. Now if it’s just like the normal kid has a sick day that’s normal.
But a class of 200? And you know who’s getting the blame? Administration. So kids continue to plan your walk outs in DROVES. Convince the kid with perfect attendance to join you, get your teacher involved by having them accept your homework at a later time.
You kids deserve a proper education and school experience. Don’t let these adults take that away from you.
My dad filmed our cats for hours when we were growing up
(Source)

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I absolutely love the language of my mother’s people
I believe linguistically the term is called Comparative Reduplication! And while a lot of languages have it, including many Indigenous American ones, Yoruba culture holds a lot of influence over how Black Diaspora and AAVE have been shaped. It’s a good video.
This is SO COOL thank you for sharing this!
why is this extremely classy
“Babe are going to bed? How did you get under there???”
“Mreh!” >:(
“Oh, I’m sorry! G’night!”