Captain Swag's Thinkin' Thoughts

“never kill yourself” is such a funny phrase to me that i think it’s accidently started working. its like an affrimation. say ‘never kill yourself’ enough times as a joke and maybe you won’t try to kill yourself over minor inconviences anymore

I don't have time for tumblr discourse they're calling the very hungry caterpillar degenerate art over on twitter

Can you please just have an ounce of shrimpathy?

"sorry for party rocking" I don't think you are. I think you're sorry you got caught

this is why everyone on this website is a virgin

I’m not gonna fuck the telemarketer man

World Heritage Post

i am not a religious person…….. but if you’re out there, giant rat that makes all of the rules,

sorry girl we’re all fucked

The cat is so stoked to be there??? What a little star. 💜

for those not in the know, silent hill 2026 has just come out and attained a 6% on rotten tomatoes. i was like "good lord it can't possibly be that bad" so i looked up a summary and yeah it is that bad actually. holy shit.

#reblogging to watch the video later #but I saw the rotten tomatoes rating myself and in shock went and read some reviews #as well as a long thread on the Silent Hill Reddit #and omfg it's so much worse than you think #75% of the total crew on that movie asked to be omitted from the credits #three of every four people who worked on it are too ashamed of the final product to be associated with it! #that's never been done before! certainly not at this budget! ( @sage-hendricks )

this post is still good even without the glitch that’s how good this post is

it’s been 10 years since WELCOEM TO MY FUCK HOUSE

[guy confused about lesbian relationship voice]: okay ... so which one only tells lies?

"Peggle make phone calls" has become shorthand for "fuck it, whatever" for me but no one ever knows what im talkingabout and it's also longer (longhand?)