Don't shoot! I'm with the science team!

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#find my pages is my biggest hobby... and my greatest fear.

I heard @iamineskew wrote an eight verse song about #me ?????

If the groundhog sees @coldcalzone, that’s 6 more weeks of winter.

NO LITTLE AURORA!! DON'T LOOK AT THE TUMBLR MEMORIES ACCOUNT ON YOUR PHONE- *gets blasted with lag beam*

bubble tea shop in my area gives free refills on the tea and soy milk for 4 dayswhich is extreme and I’m not complaining but like, okay?

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The only one I have a problem with is not paying your dentist.

little miss expressionless would like to look at you. no, um, she doesn't want anything from you. no, sorry, she's not actually looking at you for any particular reason. no, you don't need to get that for her. in fact, she'd rather prefer if you didn't get so. this. about it. she just wants to look at you. you're nice to look at.

would you rather have unlimited worm or no worm

Today after about a week of confusion and asking people in real life if they've noticed anything, I discovered that there is, in fact, not a bizarre 2026 trend of "Mr Beast Pregnancy Memes" and it is all in fact just a series of tumblr posts from one Ukranian who I've never met named Petro and my two chaos incarnate tumblr mutuals who are so fascinated by the world he is conjuring that they have both been drip-feeding it onto my otherwise relatively normal tumblr dashboard.

going over to my minimalist girlfriend’s house and she apologizes profusely for the mess and there’s just a single perfect, fresh pea on the floor of her living room

Blue Lois

can i help you

Red Marge

jesus christ. I Am Under Fucking Attack

World Heritage Post

i deserve a medal for this post. not because i was particularly funny but because i survived an onslaught of nearly one hundred gimmick blogs in the wake of this post popping off, and the fact that i didn’t try to track any of them down and snuff them out with my bare hands is a testament to my immeasurable strength and should be rewarded. at one point i had “the official letter h” add on to this post. you wanna know that blog’s gimmick? the really funny and original and worthwhile gimmick the official letter h blog had? yep you guessed it they just gave me the god damned letter H and then fucked off. only jesus knows the suffering i endured over that harsh winter, and he wept for me

The saga of Katie’s Guam cookies is my Anime of the Season

THEY’VE ARRIIIIIIIIIIVVEEDDDDD THEY’RE ON THE FRONT DOORSTEP

COOKIES ACQUIRED

how the FUCK did this blow up and get so many notes

Oh my god it’s back

@hellsite-hall-of-fame

Get Moist von Lipwig in charge of the US postal service ASAP