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Will the transporter ever work correctly?? smh…

Leonard by William Shatner

In Vulcan society the idea of inflicting physical abuse upon one’s child is unheard of. Utterly illogical. So after Spock learns about Kirk's shitty stepfather, he has a crisis trying to comprehend the idea that a parent would hurt a child and also that someone would hurt his husband. From then on anytime Jim makes a joke about his abuse he notices that Spock tenses and gets angry and he's just like "???" and then later in the quiet of their quarters Spock just softly tells him that he'd murder Kirk's stepfather if he ever came across him. Kirk is half freaked-out, half touched at the sentiment.

It's well established in beta canon and Fanon that Vulcans are intensely loyal to their children and clan. (Sarek is an outlier.)

If you accept that Vulcans are only fertile during Pon Farr (I can go either way on this, depending on the story you want to tell) AND they historically were a terrifying, warrior race, then you'd be in a position where one targeted strike to your clan's creche could easily wipe out an entire generation.

So I HC that in pre-Surakian culture, adoption was common. Maybe even competitive. You see an orphan and you don't even bother to ask if someone else is going to take care of them. They're yours now.

Meandering back to OP's post - if a Vulcan who tolerates (much less actually likes) you finds out you're from a shit background you WILL end up quietly, thoroughly, and irrevocably adopted.

They probably won't tell you, because Vulcans are weird about privacy. You think gosh, how nice of my Vulcan friend to keep inviting me to clan dinners and family holidays. I guess they really need someone to keep them company! Meanwhile, the entire family is getting to know you before eagerly going through their Space Rolodex, plotting to set you up with someone of an appropriate species and gender from a loving family who will treat you right.

I think there is some strong evidence of Scotty having food related trauma in the films, in Beyond the first place he takes Jim when he asks for a tour of the Franklin is the mess hall. Even when we first meet Scotty there's a lot of implications going on.

Immediately he's going off about having to "live off protein nibs", when Spock Prime calls him by name he responds "Unless there's another hardworking, equally starved Starfleet officer around", and his reaction to finding out Spock is from the future is "That's brilliant! Are there still sandwiches in the future?".

Now this can be interpreted as the first time Scotty's done without, but I don't think it is. In part because of his reaction to Keenser saying that he's the equally starved Starfleet officer. "You can eat, like, a bean and you're done! I'm talking about food, real food."

To me, this is an indication that the protein nibs probably were enough for Keenser or at least more filling to him than to Scotty. Which brings me to Jim's conversation with Scotty.

The thing with Jim is he always going to try and level, he is always going to try to avoid isolating and cornering people. That's especially true when it comes to things that are similar to his own traumas. Even moreso because there is a stigma around food insecurity trauma.