These Petty Obsesions

Mods? Take him to the stump of his favorite childhood tree.

Mods, make him busy during a friends planned trip so he misses out on the new inside joke.

Mods… change the smell of his parents house.

look boss, our quarterly "subjection to the brutalities of the Absurd" budget is almost blown already. can we not just shoot this one twice in the back of the head and call it a day?

I would never make it as a bird. The stress of keeping the eggs warm all the time would be too much for me.

kind of crazy that the sun is the closest thing we have to an unholy seething vortex of magical energy, a pulsating orb that is periodically ripped by screaming flares that lash us with incredible ferocity from a hundred million miles away, and we're like mmm what a nice day! 😊

one of my favorite Sun Facts is that if sound could be transmitted through the vacuum of space the intensity of sound power emitted from the sun that reached the earth would be roughly as intense a noise as a jet airplane taking off a couple hundred meters away. The Sun is really loud!

Another one of my favorite Sun Facts is that the actual nuclear fusion occurs in roughly the innermost 25% by radius and the actual energy output is on the order of the amount produced just by your body keeping itself warm. But the Sun is very very big and very very old so it gets very very hot despite how absurdly slow fusion is.

going over to my minimalist girlfriend’s house and she apologizes profusely for the mess and there’s just a single perfect, fresh pea on the floor of her living room

Blue Lois

can i help you

Red Marge

jesus christ. I Am Under Fucking Attack

World Heritage Post

i deserve a medal for this post. not because i was particularly funny but because i survived an onslaught of nearly one hundred gimmick blogs in the wake of this post popping off, and the fact that i didn’t try to track any of them down and snuff them out with my bare hands is a testament to my immeasurable strength and should be rewarded. at one point i had “the official letter h” add on to this post. you wanna know that blog’s gimmick? the really funny and original and worthwhile gimmick the official letter h blog had? yep you guessed it they just gave me the god damned letter H and then fucked off. only jesus knows the suffering i endured over that harsh winter, and he wept for me

I love you guys but I think a lot of you are the kind of people who are susceptible to falling in with a cult.

You’re right. We should all band together under a trustworthy and influential leader who can keep us safe from outside threats

Fuck you

remember in p.e. when they'd take a bunch of insecure teenagers & be like "today we're going to play basketball" and then not teach you how to play basketball. and then put you in a group with guys who were obsessed with basketball and would get mad at you for not knowing how to play basketball. why did they do that