I’m gonna boogalize you!

My boss was like “Do you have any idea how much money we’re losing” like who cares, it’s not like they would give it to me otherwise

Have our investors tried making coffee at home and not eating out so much?

i know the way people talk about their pets now is probably how we’ve been doing it for all of history. a cat owner in ancient rome saw their cat lounging on the dining pillows and commented “he thinks himself to be the senator claudius 🤣”

no you do not need to hold fictional characters "accountable". they are not real.

trying to explain why i like horror to people who don’t: ok so you know how it’s fun to be deeply disturbed and unsettled

i think being proud of where you come from is one of those things that becomes fun the more specific you get. like "proud to be english" bad rancid vibes. makes you sound like the kind of person who rants about immigrants. "proud to be from yorkshire" better vibes. i cannot deny the yorkshire cultural heritage. "proud to be from pocklington" absolutely fucking hilarious please never let anybody kill your pocklington pride.

How do you know you're not Asexual? Maybe you just haven't met the right nobody.

living in your parents house as an adult is a humiliation ritual why am i in the group chat at 23 years old going “I HATE MY DAD”