mwaaaah ! In these trying times.

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$LAYYYTER


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we're not kids anymore.

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@canceledsorcerer
mwaaaah ! In these trying times.

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whenever i find myself craving my bosses approval i angrily scream at myself in my head what the fuck is this sex or something itâs a desk job cunt!! and then it gets me normal again

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when you tell people passports don't need to exist and people should be able to travel as they did throughout most of human history they think that's going too far because in their mind there exists a hoard of nameless faceless immigrants waiting to flood their country and "take over". without realising that there is nothing inherently superior about the imperial core countries - the culture, the food, the clothing, the architecture is not superior than that of the rest of the world. all you've got going for you are the benefits reaped from hundreds of years of historical colonisation and the continuing benefits of modern day imperialism. do you think if people's homes weren't subject to manufactured violence, artificial scarcity, and systematic disenfranchisement they'd all just wanna leave? can you not imagine a life where someone would be happier living in uganda than the usa?
âHands Free Telephone Maskâ (1960s) â§ Wearable techâs strangest ancestor
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Swear to god I am never so brutally socially anxious as when I'm trying to tip a gogo dancer at the club because like. The idea to tip always enters my mind at the drunkest possible moment of the evening and I forget all the previous tipping moments and scromble around in my bag for a dollar and then have to navigate the crowd and while I'm doing that I realize that it is in fact the drunkest moment of the evening but it's too late to back out, she's already seen me coming with my sweaty dollar so there we are. Me (drunk, strange) and her (standing at some profound level of elevation.)
And gogo dancers are professionals, right, like they're at work, so they're ready to sexily present somewhere for you to put the dollar but by the time I reach the pedestal I'm like. Remembering/possibly imagining all of my past awkward gogo dancer faux pas and thus am trying so hard to be normal that it wraps back around to being weird and so I stand there holding the dollar up over my head like a kid at the convenience store, hoping she'll just take it, but that's not how the social contract works so she strikes the pose, often already dripping with money and the strap of her g-string is the runway of a regional airport and the dollar a packed Boeing 737 and I'm on the horn with air traffic control (4 vodka crans) trying to thread that needle and then when I finally succeed and muscle my way back to my WIP (Wife of Infinite Patience) I'm like. Dude I just did Tony Tulathimutte's the feminist (leâ and my wife is like you did not do Tony Tulathimutte's the feminist (lesbian version) to the gogo dancer you're literally fine just calm down.
But also like, what am I gonna do? Not tip?
can you take my white ass to funkytown
nope. torture city again
come on

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Happy pride month
Š plutoxoxi via x/twitter
i think we've done a great job expanding the view of what a child's favorite animal can be. kids these days can say they love axolotls or pangolins or coelecanths and their decision is respected. maybe their parents can even find them a stuffed animal of it if they know where to look. and i think that's beautiful
check out the mourning dovesâ new single âhooOOOO hoo hoo hooâ if you get the chance. sound of the summer.
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oh wait this is EXTRAORDINARILY delightful. this isnât a case of Blorbo From My Shows this is Henrietta Pickles From My Porch

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They are asking (respectfully) to see your coin collection (no intentions of taking to add to their horde)
you can stay indoors all day when the sun is out, and sometimes it's nice like a cool draught from a tranquil spring, but watch out because if you stay indoors for two days in a row while the sun is out you start doing odd gothic literature things, stalking the halls and passages and muttering to yourself and parting the blinds to gaze down at your neighbours with a haunted look before turning away to contemplate your mannequins #yourmannequins. three days and you're basically fucked. you have to throw a towel over your head to scurry as far as the store for milk and people jeer at you like frankenstein's monster.