Callisto

I want to go to the beach. I can take the train or an rideshare there, but because I did not drive there I have no car to use as a Portable Storage Locker™ for my valuables and therefore cannot bring anything that I either cannot wear in the water or would not feel comfortable leaving on the sand unattended. “Just leave your phone and wallet at home!” …See above about rideshares or trains, services you famously need to pay for using a smartphone or a credit card.

listen. we know and love davy jones and will turner as the dutchman's captains. but i have been musing over other possibilities who could have taken that role and how they would have handled it, and have compiled them into a neat ordered list for your perusal <3

jack sparrow as will put it best—"you have to do the job, jack." but i think there's a compelling thread here. his first love is the sea, and to sail it forever? it does mean he has to give up the pearl, alas, but i think he'd be a good ferryman. he could chat the ghosts' ears off and set them at ease in his weird little way. 6/10, would probably faff about and shirk his duty despite the consequences, but 10/10 for Themes

james norrington he was born to cut his heart out for duty if i'm honest. a sailor through and through. it does mean undoing his javert moment, and i typically make the argument he would rather die human than live as a monster but i think, if pressed into service by the dutchman, he would do a great job. 9/10

weatherby swann That Man Does Not Know How To Sail ! compels me though. 1/10

cutler beckett That Man Does Not Know How To Sail, but he could order people to do it for him. alas i think he'd use the dutchman to his own ends, and his vanity is too great to let him get fishified for not doing the job, so he wouldn't choose to stab the heart. NON-COMPETE/10

ian mercer he can already teleport, this is a bit of an upgrade. i don't think he'd do the job but he'd be terrifying doing whatever else. 4/10

elizabeth swann hear me out: pirate king and in league with calypso. it does mean she has to die but like, she gets to have adventures forever? i can see her either doing the job well OR becoming hardened and running the sea on her own after Losing Everything corrupted-style. much to think about. 7/10

bootstrap bill already has job experience. built-in redemption arc, could have resurrected his son and set him on shore for the next 100 years. just should've taken action sooner i suppose. you snooze you lose! would have liked to have seen it. 8/10

pintel and ragetti two for the price of one! and pintel could finally be a captain. would not do the job though. 2+2/10