For when I can't sleep

Like literally, how can a regular-ass person ~opt out~ of all damaging behaviors while still being able to function in society? 

You literally can’t. 

The future of our planet is not down to whether or not someone recycles their water bottle. 

It’s down to whether or not governments and corporations decide to quit sucking up all our resources and poisoning the earth with reckless abandon. 

pleasure, in the fun late-capitalism hellhole of present-day america, is treated like a luxury.  it’s expensive.  it’s frivolous.  it’s guilty.  if we want to eat ice cream out of the carton and be socially acceptable at the same time, we’d better have earned that ice cream.  maybe by like running a marathon or getting dumped by an asshole.  if we’re going to duck into the corner store and buy fresh flowers, it’s because we’ve had a hard week, not because flowers are nice.  we can take a day off work, but only if we’re sick.  we have to suffer before we’re allowed extra kindness.

in this equation pleasure is optional (irresponsible, even), except when it’s a balm for suffering.

however!  we need pleasure to live.  a life without nice feelings in it is like a diet with no vitamins in it.  it’ll make you sick and eventually it’ll kill you.  we know this because people with depression stop feeling pleasure, and they often kill themselves.  left untreated, depression is a fatal disease.

pleasure is not optional.  pleasure is not a luxury.  without it, we die.  that is literally the opposite of a luxury.

because pleasure is treated like a luxury, and priced accordingly, it is fucking hard to get.  it’s hard to take time to relax and see loved ones when corporations aren’t required to offer paid vacation.  it’s hard to buy that special face scrub or art print or pretty yarn when it costs $35 and student loans are breathing down your neck.  so pleasure gets saved up for when things are really bad.  pleasure gets budgeted.  pleasure, once again, becomes something we have to earn by abstaining and hurting and gritting our teeth.

do this to people long enough and pleasure becomes potently associated with guilt.  this thing we need desperately to stay alive is suddenly something we can’t seek out without looking over our shoulder and wondering if we’re allowed to have it.

that’s why it’s so important that we talk about self care, and tell ourselves and each other that it is okay to do things that feel good.  it is necessary to do things that feel good.  we have to uncouple suffering and pleasure, because the idea that we have to earn feeling good by first feeling bad is monstrous and wrong.

• I shave my legs for myself so when I am sleeping naked in bed, they feel smooth against each other: not for you. • I wear make-up because it enhances my features and gives me a confidence boost: not for you. • I wear tight jeans, crop tops, skirts and bikinis because I feel good when I pass my reflection: not for you. • I cut my hair this way because I am unique and I think it looks awesome: not for you.

Watch it in video