Reasons My Son Is Crying

Remember: going to work might be mandatory but having fun is always an option.

I took him to a Lilac Festival.

12yo: “Dad. You won’t be getting any of those things from us.”

11yo: “Yes! Let’s hear it! Will it be on the same level of one of Eminem’s orrrrr….”

11 year old, on day 3 of listening to the Bach Brandenburg Concertos numbers 1-6.

12yo: “How was your turkey?”

10yo: “But does he have any black yarn? How can I maintain my tough-guy image with PEPPERMINT?”

The heart, it swells with pride.

10yo: “You see, I wave at people who KNOW WHAT THEY ARE DOING - not just some crazy people sweating to death inside animal costumes.”

My 10yo just casually mentioned that the Tostitos logo contains two people dipping a chip into salsa. HOW HAVE I NEVER EVER NOTICED THIS???

And how are you all doing on syrup, Denny's? Need me to loan you some? You know, just until the 15th?

They were not warned in advance about this important contest, but they have been preparing for it all their lives.

Oh.

Anyone else have an extreme phobia of wooden popsicle sticks? I can’t eat off them and literally go into shivery convulsions just watching my 9yo do this. He is unbothered and finds my mental breakdown amusing.

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