Amo Ergo Sum

What no one warned me about when I got into Discworld is that Terry Pratchett would completely ruin all my future footnote experiences. Now, whenever I read a book (even if it is an academic text!!) and see a superscripted number, my monkey brain makes my eyes drop to the bottom of the page asap, expecting a funny, poignant, memorable, and potentially life-altering little treat, and instead I get hit every time with the soul-crushing disappointment of McFarthy, G. et al. (1997)

I can't add the video but here's a link to it

(some guy on the internet voice) it's so unrealistic and forced when women win fights against men in stories. of course, when a young boy defeats a huge man I'm cheering and screaming because it is so badass, and when a frail old man defeats a cocky young warrior I feel nothing but satisfaction. I love these power fantasies about easily dispatching people who underestimate you, a thing I desire despite the fact that I will likely never have the skill to achieve it in real life, but I'm pretty sure women don't have that same desire, and even if they do, they shouldn't get to see it in media. because it's so unrealistic, you see. I mean I'm smart enough to know I can't take down a big man in a fight but the women, you know, they'll get ideas. I could probably do it if I trained hard enough, but the women??? for some reason I can't see it happening, and who can say why that is.

You listen to music regularly? Why? Have you even tried quitting? Could you quit? You get music stuck in your head? Wow. You're so ruined and music brained. I bet you make your partners listen to music with you when you have sex. Music addiction has really ruined a whole generation. You know it's not realistic to expect reverb in real life, right? You're probably so desensitized that you don't even feel anything anymore when you hear a bird singing that it wants some fuck.

endlessly frustrating that whenever anyone is like 'i wish i could complain about X without people trying to give me unsolicited advice' swarms of people are always like 'clearly you have not heard *my* unsolicited advice!' and it's always like yes I have. Didn't help.

Bringing this back to say if you see a post where someone is explicitly like 'i am just venting and not seeking advice' and you respond 'i know you don't want advice but-' I am blasting you with my orbital laser.

Swedish Chef neopronouns: bork/bork/bork

I always think of the description I saw years ago: Self-imposed deadlines don't help me, because I know the person who set them, and they're full of shit.

by far the strangest part of the British government deciding to enact a sword hunt is that the policy they've put together is very clear about only banning "ninja swords" and "zombie-style knives." you're allowed to have a sword for fencing, or a machete for farm and garden work, or a zweihander for historical re-enactment purposes, but if you have a wakizashi your ass is fucking GRASS

like it is genuinely impossible for me to imagine a use case for this law that isn't just "being racist in a way that feels so outmoded it's almost quaint." you know people can kill each other with regular knives, right?

second-strangest part is that their definition of "ninja sword" includes certain kitchen knives but excludes odachi

must feel good as fuck to curse a prince for being rude to you while you were larping as an old woman for no reason

maybe don't curse the whole castle too, though, the serving staff definitely didn't deserve being turned into candles or bookcases or whatever

well she's probably on tumblr, so all you have to do now is wait

The saga of Katie’s Guam cookies is my Anime of the Season

THEY’VE ARRIIIIIIIIIIVVEEDDDDD THEY’RE ON THE FRONT DOORSTEP

COOKIES ACQUIRED

how the FUCK did this blow up and get so many notes

Oh my god it’s back

@hellsite-hall-of-fame

Get Moist von Lipwig in charge of the US postal service ASAP

i love talking to teenagers, i was talking to this 17 year old and she was like "i regret not drawing more, i should have gotten into art" girl there's still time