like Kafka with a bad migraine

i just have this persistent feeling of “i’m not doing enough” combined with “i don’t have the energy to do anything” and it just really fucking sucks

internet politics and real-world politics have gotten so separated, and pretty soon all this internet weirdness is gonna come crashing into real life and politicians are gonna start throwing around words like “SJW” and “anime communist” and “dark enlightenment” and it’s just gonna be the most ridiculous fucking thing

date of origin: 13th of april, 2015.

happy 10 year anniversary!

girl help all i do is endure

“you choose” “you can pick” NO, and if you insist I’ll kill you

dont ever put me in a situation where I have to make choices

ahhhh so the guilt is NOT supposed to be neverending and haunting and constant and persisting beyond a doubt over even the most menial of things that i would not be upset at someone else for. i understand now.

i think i hauve ocd.

wait do you guys actually carry purses/bags everywhere you go i really need to know

thinking about how when you experience a lot of shame in your formative years (indirectly, directly, as abuse or just as an extant part of your environment) it becomes really difficult to be perceived by other people in general. the mere concept of someone watching me do anything, whether it's a totally normal activity or something unfamiliar of embarrassing, whether I'm working in an excel spreadsheet or being horny on main, it just makes my skin crawl and my brain turn to static because I cannot convince myself that it's okay to be seen and experienced. because to exist is to be ashamed and embarrassed of myself, whether I'm failing at something or not, because my instinctive reaction to anyone commenting on ANYTHING I'm doing is to crawl into a hole and die. it's such a bizarre and dehumanizing feeling to just not be able to exist without constantly thinking about how you are being Perceived. ceaseless watcher give me a god damn break.

ID: a screenshot of tumblr tags that read: #wow it took me A LONG TIME to kill this reflex. #Im 40 now. It is defeatable. Go for the throat. End ID

staying up until 1am with your friends is like. wow we’re so fucking cool we’re so fucking badass we should go on a road trip or become famous or maybe hang out here forever because i dont wanna be anywhere that isnt with you guys im so full of love and joy and a live fast die young mentality. and staying up until 1am by yourself is like. for the third time this year i am genuinely contemplating suicide. good thing i dont have the executive function to clean up my room

level 32 bed bath and beyond employee just banished me to the fucking beyond