fuck me up, scotty

what do you mean i didn’t reach out i literally thought about you

thank you ao3 for being an archive and not an algorithm. thank you for letting me like things without consequences, thank you for being free with no ads, thank you for having lawyers to defend our freedom of speech. thank you tag wranglers. thank you to all authors and thank you ao3

who needs enemies when you have your own brain

you've gotta be kind to yourself no matter what

this is twice as true in the winter

the world isn't ending and you don't need to kill yourself it's literally december. it's december. and you need to be nice to yourself.

coming to america seeking a better life is the most fundamentally american thing someone can do sorry not sorry to the neoklansmen but juan crossing the border for work embodies american heritage more than any self proclaimed ‘heritage american’ ever could ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I'm actually always saying this because i fucking hate lawns

at some point in your life you will be boiling fruit, water, sugar, and lemon juice in a pot to make a syrup or jam. the instructions will tell you to simmer for a certain amt of time. your timer will go off and you will look at the pot and go, "hm, this doesn't look thick enough. maybe i'll let it go for another 10 minutes." this is the devil speaking. it's only so liquid right now because it is at boiling point. it will thicken when it cools down. learn from the follies of my youth and do not let this happen to you

they need to invent a staying up late that doesn't make you get less sleep

this girl was showing all the signs of being a secret mermaid so i pushed her into the pool and she turned into a forty foot long mosasaurus which is tbh way cooler

not really sure how to get her out though

for those of you asking why i pushed her into the pool in the first place: i work for a duplicitous small town aquarium and i'm trying to kidnap mermaids to jump through hoops and shit to entertain tourists and make money. fucking obviously. now that i know she's actually a mosasaurus though i Have fallen in pure-hearted love with her