Buck Week 2026

Hen comes bounding over, hands in her pockets as she takes in the spread. ‘Looks good, Buckaroo!’, she compliments. Her hand immediately picks out one of the pink-white-orange-iced cupcakes, and she wastes no time taking a bite. She moans, and Buck preens.

‘The other one is reserved specially for Karen’, he informs her.

‘Well she might have to look out because I might just eat that one myself too’, Hen jokes. He gives her a one-armed hug, and she hugs him right back. ‘Happy Pride to you too, Buck.’

In the meantime the others have started gathering around to scrutinise the cupcakes as well.

'Are there any others specially reserved?', Ravi inquires.

'No- well, um, I mean, I guess this one.' Buck takes out the cupcake with the blue, purple, and pink icing and smiles sheepishly. 'Made this one kind of for myself.' Ravi nods understandingly, then takes another one.

'Oh my God', Harry says through a mouthful, but Buck thinks it sounds like a good 'Oh my God'. 'What's in these?', the kid asks.

'Oh, I'm glad you asked! So that one has a tiramisu filling, this one's cinnamon butterscotch, and if I'm remembering correctly these have salted caramel-'

'Hey Cap', Ravi calls over to Chimney. 'Wanna try one of these?'

Chim, who had just entered the kitchen coming out of his office, wanders over with his laptop still in hand. 'Sugar for breakfast? I don't know, wouldn't wanna make Jee too jealous of her dad.'

'She can have one too!', Buck promises, handing Chim one of the plain rainbow cupcakes. 'It's chocolate buttercream.'

Before long, every cupcake is either in a little bag to be taken home to kids, girlfriends, wives, or mothers (Athena), or in a hungry firefighter's hand. The morning is comfortable and unhurried, so Buck watches happily as they sit around and devour the products of his work.

'Is it even okay for me to eat this?', Eddie wonders while actively chowing down on his pansexual-flag-coloured cupcake.

'You're not gonna catch it, if that's what you're worried about', Hen deadpans.

'No, it's just- it feels kind of like I'm appropriating something.'

'Pride Month is for everyone', Buck counters easily.

'Well', Hen shrugs, exaggeratedly not looking at anyone, 'it's mostly for us.' She finishes off her cupcake and sends Buck a smile.

'Is it bad that I didn't even know there were this many flags?', Harry asks.

Now it's Buck's turn to shrug. 'I didn't know about most of them either until I realised I was bi.'

'I don't think I've ever heard you say that before', says Eddie. He doesn't sound confused, but Buck can't quite pin down what the tone of his voice does sound like.

Buck frowns slightly, himself definitely confused. 'You know I'm bisexual, Eddie.' There's no way he's unaware, with how he's had to be witness to Buck's failed attempts at relationships with both women and men now.

'Yeah, but... I don't think I've heard you use the word before now.' If Buck didn't know better, he might say Eddie's voice is almost... awestruck. Like he's impressed or proud of Buck. He finds it hard not to start blushing.

'No, Diaz is right', Chimney says through mouthful. 'I don't think I've ever heard you say it out loud either.'

The rest nod thoughtfully in agreement, as Buck tries to argue with himself that this information is absolutely not cause for a panic spiral. Has he really never said it before? He's known, he thinks, since that week after his first date with Tommy, where he'd done some quick googling and found the word and tried it on and felt surprisingly pleased when it filled him with giddy glitter to think about it. 'I'm bisexual.' He's certainly thought it about himself in the years since. 'I'm bi.' One time while he was drawing with Jee he had made a bunch of flags and hearts using pink, purple, and blue. Whenever he saw or heard the word the glittery giddiness would return and he'd think 'hey, just like me!'. But apparently he'd never actually said it to anyone. Now that he thinks about it, not even to Jade or Zane when they went on their dates.

Buck thinks he's probably been quiet for a bit too long, examining his bisexual cupcake. It shouldn't really matter whether he says it or not, or even whether people know or not. But... it's a nice word. He likes it. 'Well, I am. I'm bi', Buck concludes. Then he takes a large, obnoxious bite and says in Eddie's direction: 'In fact, I think eating this cupcake might be making me... even more bisexual! Look out!'

It makes Eddie throw his empty paper at Buck, which makes Buck laugh, which makes him feel just so incredibly grateful for all the people around him.

'Man, Buck you're gonna have to make more of these', Ravi says. 'No need to give our money to rainbow capitalism when we've got our own bisexual baker around.'

'You got it', Buck beams. He begins clearing the table so everything will be left behind neatly once they're called out for their first emergency of the day. Chimney is fiddling with his phone, and has evidently asked Harry and Ravi for help- either that or he's showing them something while Buck is at the counter. It better not be cute Jee and Nash pictures, because Buck has favourite-uncle-privileges when it comes to adorable photos of his niblings.

Suddenly, music is loudly blaring throughout the loft. Buck looks over at his team, who are already smirking back at him.

'Bi, bi, bi!'

Buck slumps at recognising the familiar 2000s boyband tune, although he finds it impossible to keep the smile off his face. 'Oh c'mon, guys, NSync? Really?' He chuckles. 'The Backstreet Boys are better anyway.'

'Yeah, but the Backstreet Boys never released a bisexual anthem', Hen argues. Eddie is mouthing along with the lyrics while Harry and Ravi groove, all of them dorkier than Buck has ever seen them, which is honestly saying something. Chimney just grins, mirth in his eyes as he holds up the phone blasting the offending song.

After Bye Bye Bye, Chimney, appreciator of classics that he is, puts on Bicycle Race by Queen, which gives Buck the opportunity to share that did you guys know, contrary to the lyrics, Freddie Mercury did like Star Wars, but not bicycle riding? Which are, to be fair, some of the only things he knows about Queen. It's still a good song. By then, their first alarm of the day goes off, and they all rush to get into the truck, but the warm feeling the morning gave Buck lasts throughout the day for once. All the things he's feeling now- love, acceptance, community- he had them before he discovered he was bi too. It's just nice to know that hasn't changed, that it never will. And when the things in his life are so uncertain right now, it's nice to have this one thing about himself that he's entirely certain about.

"I'd want to be on the beach, probably," Ravi offers. "Get a nice view before it all ends -- wait, how is the world ending, in this scenario?"

A tilt of the head. "Asteroid storm?"

"So we're getting taken out by the same thing that ended the dinosaurs?" Chimney whistles. "Damn, that's kind of cool, actually."

Eddie rolls his eyes. "Getting killed by falling rocks is cool?" he mocks. "What are you, twelve?"

"Are you saying that twelve year olds aren't cool?" Chimney retorts. "Gonna say that to your kid's face?"

"Chris is turning thirteen this year," Buck intones, with the sing-song rhythm of someone who's imitating someone else's voice. "He's not a baby anymore."

Even though he's lying down in a position where he can't quite make out Eddie's expression, his knee nudges Eddie's stomach anyways, breaking Eddie out of his little pout of sad nostalgia.

"A beach is nice," Hen brings them back on track, looking at Ravi. "Very cinematic."

Buck makes a little face. "In LA, though? The crowds would be killer."

Ravi shrugs. "Doesn't have to be in LA, right? I could fly to, I dunno, Bali or something. Or an uninhabited island."

Chimney whistles. "Blowing all your savings on one last hurrah, huh? I respect it."

Buck pouts. "So you wouldn't stay in LA?"

"You would?"

"I mean, yeah, where else would I go?"

A judgmental stare. "You've literally traveled more than any of us."

"And I liked LA the best!" Buck protests. "It's why I stayed!"

"I'd stay in LA too," Hen hums. "My family's here, after all. Maybe we'd do a little picnic on our back porch, play one last game of charades." A pause. "But maybe I'd want to come to the station. Go through the day like everything's normal. There are probably people that need helping, even at the end of the world."

Chimney's eyes soften at that. "Yeah, I'd probably want to spend the day with Maddie and Jee, too. Buy Al tickets back from Korea, get the Lees over..."

Buck nudges Eddie. "What about you?"

Eddie dances his fingers over Buck's ankle idly, thinking. "Home sounds nice," he says, finally. "Abuela and Pepa can visit, maybe Soph and Adri can, too. But honestly, I'd probably want a normal day. Just hanging out on the couch with you and Chris, you know?"

Buck blinks. "You'd want me there?" he asks. Everybody politely pretends not to notice the little wobble to his voice, even though little smiles and knowing looks are passed around the room, over the heads of the two boys on the sofa.

Eddie pinches Buck slightly, and Buck kicks him again with his mismatched socks and stinky feet. "Obviously," Eddie says, like it's nothing. Everybody knows that it's not, but with Eddie, it is often kinder to pretend alongside him.

"Oh," Buck says. He swallows, blinks, turns to Bobby: "What about you, Bobby?"

Bobby hums from the kitchen, stirring something rich and savory. He sprinkles something into a pot. Only Buck would know, by instinctive memory, exactly what spices he's throwing in. He takes his time, everybody waits. It never feels like waiting, though, with Bobby. It always just feels like gravity.

"A family dinner," he says, finally. His voice is soft, wistful. Behind him, Buck and Hen exchange a knowing glance, remembering an empty table set for four. "I think it would be lovely to have everyone over for a meal."

"Does that include all of us, cap?" Chimney asks, grinning because he already knows the answer.

Bobby gives him an amused, placid smile. "Of course," he says to him, then the rest of them. "All of you are. There's nobody I'd be more honored to share my last moments with."

Soft glances, little smiles. A moment of contentment. Then, Eddie nudges Buck's foot.

"What about you?"

Buck startles slightly. "Huh?" he says. "Like I said, LA."

Eddie rolls his eyes. "We all said LA, Buck-- except for Ravi--"

Ravi splutters. "Hey, if cap's making a last meal, I'm showing up, alright? Fuck Bali, I'd rather have Bobby's chili." Bobby looks quietly pleased.

"-- but where exactly in LA?"

Buck tilts his head back, thoughtful. A moment passes, then another.

"I don't know."

Groans and protests. A paper wad thrown at Buck's face. Buck yelps and flings it back towards Chimney, getting him in the hair. "I didn't think that hard about it!"

"You brought it up!"

Buck flails his hands. "I wanted to know what you guys wanted to do!"

"And that didn't give you any ideas?" Eddie flicks his ankle. "I invited you over, asshole!"

"Yeah, yeah," Buck rolls his eyes. "I don't know, I guess I just--"

Alarms, a rush of activity, the click of a stove being turned off. Eddie shoves Buck's legs off the sofa. The topic is left behind.

---

The thought lingers.

---

"So."

"So."

Hen levels him with a look, and Buck winces slightly. "...I threw out the couch."

"You threw out the couch, and...?"

"...and I stopped following Kameron and Connor on Instagram."

A soft look. "Buck."

"I know, I know," Buck puts his chin in his crossed arms, feeling a wave of deja-vu. Him, Hen, and the bottle of vodka between them. "I just-- I couldn't keep looking, you know? It would drive me crazy."

Hen shakes her head. "No, I mean-- that's a healthy choice to make," she says. "I just-- I wish you didn't have to make it in the first place."

"You think I regret it?"

"Do you regret it?"

Buck thinks about it. "Yes? No? Maybe? I don't know, it's done."

A nod. "It is," she says. "And you did something amazing for them."

There's that, at least.

"They deserve to have a beautiful family," Buck says. He takes a shot, then points to Hen. "Like you!"

"I deserve to have a beautiful family?"

"You do have a beautiful family." Buck sighs, love and longing twisted into one. "I love your family, Hen."

"We love you, too," Hen says. "And you're part of my family, you dummy."

Buck knows, but it's nice to hear it anyways. "Can I come over for backyard picnics, then?"

Hen laughs. "You can."

They take another shot together, afternoon light stretching over them. After a moment, Hen speaks again.

"Have you thought about it, since then?" she watches him keenly. "Where you'd want to be, for the end of the world?"

Buck feels the alcohol in his veins, warm and slow. "I dunno," he says. "But at least if the end of the world comes now, I won't have to get a new couch."

Hen breaks into giggles, Buck follows, and Karen sends the ensuing picture of them falling out of their chairs to the entire group chat.

---

"Uncle Buck!"

"Miss Jee-yun," Buck cheeses, catching Jee by the armpits and tossing her into the air. She shrieks with laughter, and he catches her to press a kiss to her cheek that mostly catches hair. Chimney and Maddie walk up to him more slowly, amusement in their eyes.

"She's been talking up today for weeks," Maddie says, all fondness. "I hope you're ready to be run into the ground, uncle Buck."

"Please," Buck snorts. "I can keep up with my adorable niece to do whatever she wants."

"You say that like we haven't seen you literally passed out after chasing after her for a day," Chimney grins, even as Buck sticks his tongue out at him.

"That was a weaker Buck," Buck informs him. "This is the stronger, better uncle. Who can totally play racecar princesses for six hours straight."

"Yay!" Jee throws her hands up into the air, and Chimney snorts fondly, leans forward to press a kiss into Jee-yun's hair, a gentle pat to Buck's shoulder. Maddie gives them both hugs, before they head to the door.

"Don't forget that we're coming back for her later!" Chimney says, wiggling a finger at him as they leave. "I'm not letting you hoard her, she's already on my end of the world guest list."

Buck cackles, lets Jee-yun wave goodbye. "The end of the world?" he laughs, holding his niece in his arms. "How could the world ever end, with this little princess still here?"

---

It's quiet on South Bedford street, and Eddie's curtains are not pulled fully closed.

It bothers Buck, in the way that small things do when you're trying too hard not to be bothered by bigger things. He watches the sliver of moonlight, streetlight, car lights dance across the ceiling, over the exposed parts of his skin. It probably dances over Eddie, too, not that Buck is looking.

Their breaths are out of sync. It's another thing that bothers Buck, in a way that he doesn't know how to articulate without it sounding like he's accusing Eddie of something. You're not breathing right, maybe. Or, more accurately: why can't we breathe together?

Maybe Christopher is breathing right. Buck fights the urge to roll out of bed and check, the miracle of that being an option to him still buzzing through his fingertips. He could close the curtains when he gets back, too. Or maybe he won't come back into this room, maybe he'll sleep on the sofa, or drive to Maddie's house, or back into the lab, or into the ocean.

Eddie runs warm beside him. They aren't touching, but Buck can feel the echoes of him anyways. His atoms, remembering. Touching the version of Eddie that touches him back.

A shift in the mattress. Eyes on his face. Buck wants to look at Eddie, but he isn't sure that he can, just yet.

"Hey," Eddie's breath is warm on his face, alive. Buck is a thousand miles from LA. "If the world were ending right now, where would you want to be?"

In LA. In Minnesota. In El Paso. Nowhere.

With Bobby, Buck thinks. Then, out loud: "I don't know."

A sigh, another shift in the mattress, and Eddie's breath isn't touching him anymore. Buck can keep holding onto the memory.

---

Ravi sits across from the ouija board, face paint smeared onto the beer bottle in his hand.

"Did you really..." he trails off, seeming to regret whatever beer-soaked words slipped from him. "Nevermind."

"Did I really believe in the ouija board?" Buck says, smile like a challenge. It's a Buck 1.0 smile, which means that to Ravi, it probably looks like the smile of a stranger. Buck understands why he flinches back. He shrugs. "Maybe. I don't know. I guess...I hoped." A little laugh. "Stupid, right? If Bobby was a ghost, why would he be haunting me?"

Ravi watches him carefully. "Why does anybody haunt anyone?" he asks.

Buck startles a little. "Uh-- revenge, I guess? Regret? Love?"

"I'm pretty sure Bobby doesn't want revenge on you."

It surprises another laugh out of Buck, more genuine this time. "I don't know," he says. "I did steal one of his pans from the station that one time."

"What? Why?"

"I was twenty-five and didn't have a proper pan."

Ravi stares. "I'm pretty sure that the fact that he didn't fire you on the spot for that proves that he loves you, Buck."

There's nothing Buck can say to refute it, least of all because Bobby has confirmed it, hasn't he? Across polished glass and never to Buck's face, never unobstructed, never without dying.

"Why the beach?" he asks, suddenly.

Ravi blinks. "The beach?"

"For the end of the world. Why the beach? You're the only person who wouldn't stay in LA."

"Hey," Ravi protests. "I said I'd stay if--"

The words die. If Bobby were making dinner. But that wouldn't be happening anymore, would it? Buck pushes past the thought. He's used to it, now, the underwater-feeling, the tightening of his shoulders, the difficulty of pushing something like water out of the way. He gets his head up above the surface. Shallow breaths. Prepare. The next wave will come.

"Why the beach?" he asks again.

Ravi takes another sip of his beer, contemplates the question. "Because it's like nothing will change at all," he says. "It's like-- even if the world ends for us, it doesn't mean it ends, right? Somewhere, something is still happening. The universe is continuing. And I got to be a part of that." A shrug. "Maybe it's morbid, but I think it's kind of nice, to be a part of that. To see something that vast before you become part of it." A laugh. "And it'd be nice to take a dip, I guess."

The world did end, once, at a beach. Buck remembers the fear, mostly. But he supposes that he can see the beauty in it, this far out. There's a reason he got so obsessed with natural disasters afterwards, after all.

"Surprisingly deep," he says, just so Ravi can give him the stink-eye. "I would've thought that it's just an excuse not to come to work and deal with us on your last day on earth."

"That too," Ravi grins, unrepentant. Then: "What about you? You never mentioned where you'd want to be, last time."

Buck shrugs. "Haven't decided yet," he says.

Anywhere but here, he thinks.

---

The sun is bright in the sky, and Jee and Theo are wrestling over the good (red) water gun, Mara already shooting at them with her own.

"Should we...stop them?" Buck wonders, not making a move towards them at all.

Maddie laughs, taking a sip of her wine. "Do you want to go stop them?"

"Just let them fight it out," Eddie says, chair kicked leg against leg to Buck's, touching him all along his side. He leans into Buck. Buck leans into him. Nobody comments on it, but he can see the soft looks and knowing smiles being traded over the backyard benches.

"Likely thing for you to say, Mr. Fight Club," Buck retorts, even as he makes the executive decision to continue to sit. Chimney cackles as Eddie shoves Buck in the side, Buck windmilling slightly before leaning back against Eddie, more firmly than before.

"I can take 'em both," Christopher informs the table.

Eddie looks skyward. "Please don't use your crutches on the toddlers."

"I'm just saying," Chris says. "I can take 'em."

Denny nods solemnly. Harry does too, but stops when he looks around at all the adults at the table, hesitatingly halting his movements and attempting adorably to imitate their disapproval. Buck's pretty sure he sees Denny mouth suck-up to him, but elects to ignore it.

It's such a beautiful day, after all.

"Dinner was delicious," May says, Ravi nodding next to her, an arm around the back of her chair. "You got the recipe spot-on."

"I don't know how you decipher that man's notes," Athena shakes her head, a soft smile on her face. "Let me tell you, god gave that man cooking skills, but he didn't give him the ability to write any kind of coherent recipe."

Buck grins. "I've been his sous-chef for years," he points out. "I probably cook the exact same way."

"He does," Maddie informs everyone. "I asked him for his roast pork recipe once, and Buck gives me a recipe all out of order."

Buck shrugs. "You should know that the meat should already be seared before you start on the glaze!"

"But why would you put a numbered list if the list isn't in order?"

Everybody laughs. "Maybe you should give him a clipboard," Hen snickers. "Maybe that'll get you instructions in order."

"But at what cost," Chimney intones, Maddie giggling at his side.

"I think Buck's great at giving instructions," Eddie says loyally. Across the bench, Ravi coughs a quiet of course you would, and Buck hopes that his glare gets across the exact number of saws that Ravi's gonna be dismantling next shift.

"Mama!" Mara runs up to Karen, Jee and Theo a damp gaggle behind her, all of them beaming. "Can we have some snacks?"

Karen presses a kiss to her hair as Jee makes the same pleading face to Maddie and Chimney, as Theo crawls into Buck's lap, uncaring of the damp soil and little-kid stickiness he's tracking onto Buck's clothes. Buck holds him tight, smiles as he reaches over to Christopher's plate, Chris rolling his eyes and pretending not to notice as Theo grabs his last piece of watermelon.

"I won!" he announces to Buck. Jee makes a shrieking protest from Chim's lap, Mara's no, I won! echoing behind her. As the kids start bickering, Buck feels a warm hand on his back, warm eyes on his. He turns to meet Eddie's eyes, real and not a memory. Something Buck can exist in the same space with.

"Hey, Buck," Eddie says, a smile hidden in the corner of his lips, loudly enough for everyone to hear. "If the world were ending right now, where would you want to be?"

Buck laughs, startled. He can see everyone turn towards them, eyes shining, waiting to hear what he'll say next. He smiles at them, and they smile back, because he's pretty sure they all already know.

They part with matching megawatt smiles, one arm still wound around each other. Eddie puts a hand on Buck’s shoulder, a link between them. “Buck, this is my sister, Sofia. Sofia, this is Buck.”

Sofia is… well, she’s Eddie. Eddie, if he were magically transformed into a woman. A gorgeous, charismatic woman with Eddie’s laugh, who is currently staring at Buck with the same soft, open gaze Eddie often employs when he wants Buck to clean the gutters, or degrease the oven, or stop flinging himself into danger like his life is worthless. The one that makes Buck want to sleep on his couch, move into his house, curl up on his chest like a cat and stay there forever. Fuck.

“The famous Buck! I’ve heard so much about you, I feel like I know you already.” And now Sofia’s hugging him too, soft against his chest, melting into him like they’ve known each other for years. He wraps his arms around her without really thinking about it, chasing the all too familiar warmth.

“Nice to meet you, Sofia.” It’s mumbled into her hair.

“Wow!” Sofia runs her hands up Buck’s back and along his arms. “You sure could carry me out of a burning building, couldn’t you?”

“Uh-”

“Sofia!” Eddie’s face is stern. “Leave him alone and let your nephew in.”

Christopher waves. “Hi, Tía.”

“Hi, Christopher!” Sofia gives Chris an abbreviated hug and leads them inside. In the living room, she takes Buck by the elbow. “Come on, everyone’s on the patio. You sit with me and leave my boring brother to our cousins.”

Buck steals a glance at Eddie, who’s already being waylaid by an uncle. Eddie is glaring at Buck and Sofia, jaw set like he can force them apart with his mind if he just grinds his teeth hard enough. Buck shrugs, trying to convey, ‘it’s not me, it’s her, I’m just being polite!’ 

And he sort of understands, he went through this when Chimney and Maddie started dating, but Buck’s a little offended despite himself. Does Eddie think he’s not good enough for his sister? Jerk.

Sofia leads Buck out to the big table on the patio. They tuck into a cozy corner and start dishing up Pepa’s excellent food. The chairs are crammed together to accommodate so many people, and every time Sofia reaches for a dish, she leans way over into Buck’s space or steadies herself with a hand on his forearm.

All through dinner, Sofia showers Buck with compliments.

“So, Eddie says you helped Chris with his AP European History project and he got an A?” 

“Eddie loves your boeuf bourguignon, maybe you could make it for me sometime?” 

“I saw your Instagram pictures at the pier, did you really win Chris a giant tiger and carry it around for the whole day? He loves that thing.”

“Eddie told me about the time you pulled off a rescue with just a belt and a safety pin, that was genius!” Buck glows.

Sofia’s interesting, too. She’s an environmental engineer with a passion for groundwater management, and she makes the topic sound fascinating. She grew up doing all the same sports and activities as Eddie since she was only a year younger, and still competes in martial arts tournaments on weekends. She promises to drag Buck out dancing while she’s in town.

An hour later, most of the food has been polished off and the sun has set, the table lit only by the string lights on the pergola and the glow coming from the sliding glass doors. The Diazes still at the dinner table are clustered in small groups, conversations muted to let the younger children sleep in their parents’ laps or nearby inside the house. Eddie and Christopher went in a while ago and Buck lost track of them. 

Sofia is almost in Buck’s lap at this point. She gives an exaggerated shiver and lifts his arm, laying it over her shoulders and nestling into his side. He’s stopped resisting her physical advances; she’s nice and beautiful and honestly, it feels good to be so obviously desired by someone.

“I can tell you like to take care of the people you love.”

“Yeah, I do. Doesn’t everyone?”

“But don’t you ever wish someone would take care of you?” Sofia asks it without looking at Buck, which makes it easier to answer her honestly instead of sidestepping the question.

“Sometimes.”

She looks up at him then, with those deep, dark, earnest eyes. Pulls his hand down over her chest and intertwines their fingers. Tilts her head up like maybe she’s going to kiss him.

And Buck thinks, screw it. Maybe this could work. Sofia’s gorgeous, like seriously, a total fucking smokeshow. She’s smart, and funny, and sweet. She clearly knows a lot about him, and likes what she’s heard. She’s made her interest in him more than apparent tonight. And she’s so similar to her brother, it’s a little freaky.

Except that Sofia wants him, unlike Eddie, who’s his favorite person in the whole world but will never love Buck the way Buck loves him. Eddie doesn’t deserve to be subjected to a barrage of unwelcome feelings that he never asked for and can never reciprocate. Buck brings his free hand up to Sofia’s face, brushing a lock of soft, dark hair off her forehead.

“Sofia!” Eddie whisper-yells from the doorway through gritted teeth. 

Sofia glances at him, then back at Buck, a small triumphant smile playing on her perfect lips. “Let’s go see what my brother wants.” She stands up to follow Eddie into the house. Buck stays frozen until she turns back to him. “You better come too.”

Reluctantly, Buck rises from his chair. Eddie didn’t summon him, hadn’t looked at him at all, and that alone tells him enough. Buck has the uncanny sense that he and Sofia are both about to get scolded, and feels a surge of annoyance. What did Eddie expect, introducing them?

Eddie’s already speaking to Sofia in hushed but angry tones when Buck trails into the kitchen after them, expression murderous. “-low, even for you!”

Sofia, on the other hand, is the picture of innocence. “I thought this was what you wanted? Every time I call you, you have a new story about how amazing he is. I know you never liked Javier. I assumed you were trying to make me fall for Buck!”

“Why would I do that? You live in El Paso!”

Sofia speaks slowly, enunciating her words. “Planes exist, Edmundo. And I’m here now. And you literally never shut up about the guy. Why don’t you want me to date him?”

“Because!” 

When Eddie doesn’t elaborate, Sofia groans in a very teenage cadence. “Ugh, you always do this! It’s just like the Furby!”

Eddie’s eyes go wide, incredulous. “I said you could borrow it for Michelle’s sleepover, not keep it forever!”

“You said you didn’t even want it! You said it was for babies!”

“Of course I wanted it, it was mine!”

“You could have just told me that instead of getting so mad about it!”

“You can’t date Buck!” Eddie’s just plain yelling now, jabbing his finger in his sister’s face.

Sofia crosses her arms and squares up against him. “Why not? We’re all adults here, Eddie! You’re not in charge of me anymore! ‘Because I said so’ isn’t gonna cut it!”

“Because I’m in love with him!” Eddie shouts, then clamps his mouth shut, looking stunned.

Buck is in shock. He’s standing in the doorway right behind Sofia, he’s been here the whole time, but it’s like neither sibling has noticed he’s there.

Rather than looking surprised, Sofia smiles. She’s the cat who ate the big gay canary.

“Wow, Eddie. How does it feel to say what you want for once in your life?”

Buck must make a noise then. He doesn’t know, he can’t hear it over the ringing in his ears and the thumping of his galloping heart, but both Diazes turn to look at him with identical manic expressions. Both run a hand through their hair so it sticks up in the front at odd angles. Buck would laugh at the image if his soul weren’t about to vacate his body.

“Buck-” Eddie gets stuck there and freezes. His cheeks are blazing red.

“You- Eddie- you’re- Eddie-” This is going great.

Sofia sighs indulgently at them. “Buck, Eddie’s in love with you. I think you might feel the same way, based on the mountain of evidence I’ve heard about over the years?”

“Yes, yeah, yep.” Big improvement. He can’t even pretend to deny it. He doesn’t want to.

Sofia arches a supercilious eyebrow, just like Eddie would in her position. “Great. Do either of you maybe want to do something about that? Do you need me to smash your faces together like I used to do with my Barbies?”

That breaks Eddie out of his stupor. “Just don’t pop our heads off and bury them in the backyard.”

“That was an experiment. And I was five.”

Eddie raises an eyebrow but doesn’t dignify that with a response. He turns back to Buck. “I’m in love with you.”

Buck can feel himself loosening up, thawing out. He grins. “I heard. And you miss your Furby?”

“Shut up.” Impossibly, Eddie’s blush deepens.

“I love you too.”

“Thank God.” And then, as if a dam has burst inside him, Eddie rushes forward and grabs Buck by the cheeks. He smashes their lips together, not unlike a five year old playing with Barbies, but Buck doesn’t mind. The kiss gets better from there. Better, and better, and…

Sofia clears her throat, and they break apart reluctantly. “I’m gonna leave you to it, but just, you know, you’re welcome.”

Eddie glares at her again, but there’s no real heat to it. “Sofia, that was seriously so fucked up. You can’t treat people like this. How did you know that would work? Did you even know?”

Sofia shrugs. “I had a hunch. You’ve been braver lately, Edmundo, admit it. And honestly, it was a win for me either way.”

Buck shrugs.  “We spend plenty of time together on shift and it’s not like I come over for dinner all that much.  Guess it just … makes sense that it’s to babysit?  Not a lot of people spend a lot of off-shift time together.”

Hen frowns.  “You spend plenty of time with Bobby off-shift.”

“He likes spending time with me off shift,” Buck says, and it takes about two seconds for Hen to assume he means that she doesn’t enjoy spending time with him off-shift.  “Not that you – it’s just that … you know, you got kids that aren’t adults and – and uh, you’re busy with play dates –”

“Buck, Buck, stop,” she says, sternly.  “You’re coming over for dinner and it’s not to babysit, got it?”

Buck huffs.  “It doesn’t sound like I have a choice.”

“That’s because you don’t.”

“Then, I guess… I’ll be there.”

“Good.”

***

Buck is maybe more than a little nervous as he makes his way up the walk at Hen and Karen’s house.  It’s not that he doesn’t hang out with them on his own, it’s just been a while and Hen’s slight offense that he thought it was only for babysitting didn’t exactly fill him with certainty that it was a good thing.

But he’s here and it’s not to babysit and it might be nice to talk to someone else that’s queer since he’s still new to everything – he could talk to Josh, but he’s Maddie’s friend, first, and he kinda wants to talk it through with someone who is his friend first. 

In addition to all of the research he’s been doing that is.  And he’s been doing a lot of research since his failed date and he’s pretty sure that his interest in men shouldn’t have been as much of a surprise as it was – to him, anyway.  He’d read through a lot of forums and made a couple of posts in which most people questioned how he didn’t know sooner and kinda made him feel dumb about it. 

Was it really so hard to imagine that it sometimes just takes people a little longer?

He’s hoping that talking to Hen and Karen that they’ll be a little bit gentler than the people on the internet.

“Buck!” Karen says, happily as she hugs him.  “You’re just in time.  We just sent the kids off to play with their friends, and we were just about to decorate the cake.”

“You made a cake without me?” Buck questions, slightly offended.  “Is it because I thought I was here to babysit?”

Hen laughs.  “Who invites someone over expecting them to bake for them?”

“Uh, Chim and Eddie,” Buck offers as Hen gives him a hug, too.  “Pretty sure half the time Eddie wants me to hang out with him just so he doesn’t have to cook,” he jokes.

Hen grins.  “Well, he is really bad at it.”

“Anyway, no – uh, we didn’t want you to have to do anything since you’re our guest, except for decorating the cake,” Karen offers as they lead him offer to the cake that appears to have some decoration already. 

There’s three flags drawn on it.  Though none of them have colors just yet. 

“I’m not exactly an artist,” he says slowly looking between them a bit uncertainly.  “Not sure why…”

Karen’s smiling particularly softly at him.  “This is something we do on the first of June every year.  We bake a cake to celebrate pride – you know about that, right?”

Buck nods.  “Of course.  Hen’s talked about it a lot over the years and I’ve gone to the parade as an ally.”

Hen smiles.  “Glad you’ve been listening, and this will be your first pride since you’ve realized.  Thus, why we wanted to invite you over to be a part of this tradition.”

“Oh,” Buck says, softly.  More than a bit touched by their offer.  “That’s, uh, really… nice, are you sure?”

“Of course, we’re sure,” Karen offers, a hand on his arm.  “You may be new to this, but we want to celebrate with you.”

“Unless you’re uncomfortable,” Hen offers.  “I suppose that you might not know yet what you identify as –”

“Bi,” he says, quickly. 

That’s one thing that he knows for sure.  He’s done a lot of thinking, and he’s recalled several men that if he’d realized sooner that he could’ve been into if he’d thought about the interest in their bodies as more than a normal thing men do.

“Good, so … do you know what the bi flag looks like?” Karen prompts.  “It’s different to our flags since we’re both lesbians.”

He tries to remember from what he’d seen of the flags as he explored and researched.  “Uh, pink and blue and… there’s another one…”

“Purple,” Hen supplies as she hands him the three colors.  “The top part and bottom parts are thicker with the purple being a thinner stripe across in the middle.”

“Pink’s on top and blue’s on bottom,” Karen offers when he hesitates over which one to start with. 

Buck nods and gives her a grateful smile.  “Just choose a flag at random?”

“You could go in the middle if you want?  So, it’ll be symmetrical.”

It’ll be better for a picture anyway because he absolutely wants to post this online.  The important people in his life already know and he’s never been one to shy away from being exactly who he is. 

It doesn’t take long for all three flags to take shape, flooded with color as they finish. 

He stands back and smiles as he finishes writing Happy Pride underneath. 

“Looks amazing, Buck,” Karen offers as she and Hen both put an arm around him.

“We’re proud of you, you know,” Hen offers.  “Sometimes it can be a bit jarring, but you took your discovery in stride and that’s pretty amazing.”

“Thanks, Hen,” he says, sincerely.  “Thank you, both.  This – including me in your tradition means a lot to me.”

“And now, we can include you for years to come.”

“Like the sound of that.”

He still celebrated it, every year. With parties back when he was a kid and in college, filled with people Buck isn’t really sure in hindsight could be called friends and filled with opportunities for Buck to do something reckless. On the road, in his Jeep, wherever he happened to be- ordering himself a little slice of pie and getting a little candle stuck in it when he lets slip to the nice waitress that it’s his birthday, or out on the beach lounging stretched out on the sand all day, tranquilly watching people pass by and the sun go down. One birthday he’d even celebrated in SEALS training. He hadn’t lasted long there.

In LA it’s different. His first responder family likes to take any chance it can get to organise a little get-together, so birthday parties are a given. There’ll be a gathering in the firehouse that’s basically open invitation, and another party one at one of their homes, usually Bobby and Athena’s place.

Last year was his first birthday in LA without Bobby.

His second birthday without Bobby sounds a lot less momentous, but it doesn't feel like any less of a deal whenever Buck thinks of it. All of his birthdays will be like this from now on, and all of his birthday parties will be without Bobby.

While Hen usually provided the cake, courtesy of her excellent and by now somewhat mythical ‘cake guy’, Buck had requested to bake his own birthday cake for the firehouse party. That had been the big one, with all of A-shift there, the Diazes, the Hans, the Wilsons, the Grants. Everyone had traded stories, complimented him on the cake, congratulated him individually, and he’d enjoyed it. He’d had a great time, and he thinks everyone else did as well, and really what else is a birthday party for?

Well, that party hadn’t been on his actual birthday; it had been held a couple days before while the 118 was on shift to make sure everyone could be there. Today, the actual day he turns 35, Buck has off work, and he’s strangely glad he does. The sun is shining through his window - the most natural way to be woken up - and he has nowhere to be today for once, so no rush. Which is good, because otherwise he’d have to disturb the toddler sleeping on him.

Buck had thought this would be the first year he’d have his birthday party at his new house, that he’d get to host something in his home for once and have everyone over. But then, well, there was a reunion and an accident and a decision and Buck hadn’t expected at the start of this year that he’d have a little boy to care for, but he does now. And said little boy is half-sprawled on top of Buck, half snuggled into his side, and snoring peacefully. It’s some of the most restful Buck has ever seen Theo, and he’s gonna stay still to make the moment last as long as possible for however long he can.

He smiles down at the tuft of brown hair, which is all he can really see of Theo's head at this angle; at the steady rise-and-fall of his chest against Buck's side, which is working to make him feel just as calm as Theo is.

Luckily, he does have slight freedom to move his arms in this position. Carefully he manouevres to grab his phone from the nightstand and opens it to his messages. He's already gotten early birthday wishes from Maddie, Eddie, and Chris, all three sent shortly after midnight. It's a little after seven now, and he expects he won't have to wait long until those of Hen, and Harry, and everyone else start to roll in as well. It makes the hearth fire in his chest burn even warmer to think about it.

Thinking about Bobby is like dousing that fire with ice cold water. Remembering how he'll never tell Buck 'happy birthday' again, how they'll never message each other again. Buck closes his eyes, breathes through the pain, recognises it and gives it a place. It won't do any good to pretend the ice water doesn't exist; it won't light the hearth anew or prevent it from being put out in the future.

Bobby will never give him a hug again. He will never host another party. He'll never see this place, never see Buck turn thirty-five, never meet Theo. And Buck is gonna have to do all of it anyway.

In time, Theo begins stirring. Buck waits patiently until the boy has blinked himself awake before he says anything. 'Hey there, sleepyhead', he says, gently rocking Theo where he holds him. The four-year-old mumbles in response and Buck can’t help the fondness he feels as he looks at him, feeling as unhurried as the rest of this morning. 'You up for some breakfast yet or would you rather stay a little longer in dreamland?'

Theo does a big yawn, and when his eyes open again they're clear and focused as if he was never even asleep at all. Years of babysitting have taught Buck that most kids can go from zero to fifty energy-wise like it’s nothing, but he’s learnt in the last couple weeks that Theo seems able to go straight to 150, and Buck respects the hell out of him for it if he’s honest.

‘Can we have pancakes?’, Theo asks, voice squeaky and adorable. Buck defies anyone to say no to that face.

He’s barely chuckled and acquiesced before Theo is jumping up and down the bed, jostling them both and trying to shake Buck with his little hands. He’s so excited Buck takes it upon himself to just scoop Theo up so he can get out of bed and actually go on his way to the kitchen. This naturally just makes Theo giggle more, a sound which is worth fucking gold to Buck. When he remembers the mute kid he held and took with him into the ambulance on the bridge, when he remembers the silence and far-off stares in the hospital those long hours after, it seems miraculous and something worth celebrating that he was able to make Theo make those happy sounds.

They set up in the kitchen, Theo bouncing around and swinging a whisk around while Buck gets out the milk and eggs. Maddie will be coming by later today, with the kids in tow. It’ll be good to see them, and it’ll be good for Theo and Jee to have a playdate. Eddie and Chris are coming around too in the afternoon, and Buck suspects he can convince them to stay for dinner. Maybe in-between he’ll FaceTime Ravi, or Harry, or May- maybe if he’s lucky they’re all together and he can get three-for-one. It's by far not the most extravagant birthday plans he's ever had, but he finds he doesn't particularly mind; maybe it's getting older, maybe it's all the other memories he has now that make it so a quiet birthday no longer reminds him of his childhood home with his silent grieving parents.

Not for the first time in his life he marvels at what a difference time can make. His fifth birthday was him and Maddie. His fifteenth basically just him. His twenty-fifth wandering around the country searching for purpose. His thirtieth was his family and friends, gathered in Athena and Bobby’s house, laughing and bright and together.

Last year his birthday was halfhearted congratulations as everyone went about their day, and one terrible sobbing session when Athena had given him Bobby’s old cookbook. He’s spending thirty-five in his sunlit kitchen, taking out that cookbook to bake Bobby’s super-special pancakes for his hopefully soon-to-be-adopted kid, his heart miraculously light. What a fucking difference a year can make.

Buck wonders if his birthday next year will look much different from how it looks right now. As Theo laughs that megawatt smile of his, and as the light through the window catches on the photograph of Bobby, always looking over them from his place in the kitchen-

buck blinks, bemused and bewildered. "i'm turning thirty-five," he points out. "it's not like i had a big party planned or anything."

"you probably had better plans than following a teenager around on multiple college campuses," eddie continues, a string of words so incomprehensible that buck is half-tempted to check him for heatstroke.

"a teenager?" buck splutters a little. he looks around, catching the back of curly hair, a red frame, a tiny shadow clinging onto an arm of a wheelchair as they hang onto every word a young woman in a lanyard is saying. "it's chris. you know, your son?"

eddie gives him a flat look. "i know who my son is, buck."

"do you?" buck retorts. "because you seem to have forgotten that your son is the coolest kid on the planet, and i'd rather hang out with him than do...whatever thirty-five year olds do on their birthday. it's caltech, eddie. i'm not gonna miss chris considering early admission to caltech."

he can't see the look in eddie's eyes, on account of the sunglasses, but his brows furrow and his mouth moves in a way that makes him think that eddie might be having a Big Moment right now. about what, buck can't imagine - it's approximately ten thousand degrees out right now, which seems too hot to be having any sort of personal revelation - but eddie has to take a moment before he speaks again. buck lets him. buck can always find the time to wait, if it's for eddie.

"i thought--" he looks over with buck, at their two boys. "it's your first birthday with theo, i thought you might've wanted to do something with him. chris would've understood."

"theo loves chris," buck says, a truth he knows to his very core. "we both do."

the sun beams down on them, the two of them still waiting for chris to finish asking the tour guide his list of questions about campus. buck would be there, too, but chris told him that it was cringe for him to hover, or something, so he'd been banished to the fringes of the campus alongside eddie. it's fine, he'll just email with his fifty-six point accessibility questionnaire.

eddie's face turns towards his. "you do, don't you?" he says, like it's a surprise.

despite the sun, the heat, the people milling about, buck has the sudden and inexplicable urge to tug off those sunglasses, to see what expression is in eddie's eyes right now.

"eddie?"

buck's breath hitches when he feels eddie's fingertips on his brow, a thumb smoothing over the place where his birthmark is. eddie's hand is warm and a little sweaty, and buck knows that his own forehead must be damp by now too, but neither of them say anything, or move away.

"you know this gets redder when you're warm?" eddie says, idle and impossibly intimate. buck shakes his head silently, and he laughs a little. "it's a good way to tell when you need some more water, or a little shade. i've always liked it for that."

buck's heart flips, just a little, probably platonically, at the thought that eddie might've been checking him for heatstroke the same way buck had earlier, a silent loop of devotion that they held at either end.

"just for that?" he asks, and his voice comes out coy, which isn't what he'd intended. but eddie's cheeks are pink, and buck can taste salt and possibility on his tongue like a miracle, so maybe it's not so unintentional, after all.

"for that, and because i can tell that you want to have some shade, but you gave me your sunglasses anyways. because it's ridiculously hot out, and you're walking in the sun to do a campus tour, because for some godforsaken reason you actually think it's fun. because it's your birthday, and you're here, with us, because you want to be. and i want you to be here, too. i want you to spend all your birthdays with us."

buck cannot believe the nerve of this man. "are you giving me a romantic speech on a college campus where it's too hot to make out with you?" he croaks.

eddie raises an eyebrow. "is that gonna stop you?"

approximately ten minutes later, they hear a long teenage groan.

"oh my god, i need eye bleach," chris whines, head falling backwards dramatically. theo shrieks with giggles, and the tour guide is flushed red as she stutters out an apology.

"sorry! i, um, chris just mentioned that you had some questions about accessible parking, and i-- um-- i thought--"

"oh!" buck extricates himself from eddie, ignoring his pout as he turns her way. "that's right, i had a few questions about the space available for renting an accessible parking spot close to dorms, if chris gets his learner's permit and has to park on campus--"

she nods. "i can show you the dorm parking so you can see the layout, mr. diaz--"

heatstroke, flushed cheeks, buck is pretty sure he knows exactly what color his birthmark is, right now. "uh, it's, um. it's actually buckley. evan buckley. but i go by buck."

a hand slips into his, sweaty and too-warm and buck would chop his own arm off before letting it go. eddie nudges their shoulders together.