love me anyway

oh my god it definitely sparked inspiration but i don't know how it ended up being this kskskks i hope you like it, kris *mwaaah*

never ask for any of it back

buddie | 2.4k | outsider pov, getting together, love confession

“Yeah.” Eddie nods. “I’m his best friend. I can’t count the number of times Buck’s said that to me. His best friend.” Hen has heard Buck use those exact same words before, as well. She’s heard him say them jokingly, in passing, earnestly, in joy, in despair. She has always, always, been able to hear the meaning behind them. She wonders if Eddie has ever been able to tell that when Buck says best friend he means soulmate. “Well, isn’t he yours as well?” Hen asks him. “Of course he is,” Eddie needlessly confirms. “He’s the best friend I’ve ever had. But I’m greedy, and I ruin everything, and I want more. I want so much more. I want him. All of him.” So have him, Hen thinks. Eddie, let yourself have him.

“Go back to sleep,” Tommy mumbles, his voice thick with sleep.

Buck finishes tugging Tommy’s duvet up, tucking it beneath his chin and curling in on himself in an attempt to warm up. He doesn’t care if it makes him a blanket thief; he’s cold. Plus, Tommy is practically a human space heater. He’s laying beside Buck in nothing but his boxer briefs and looks perfectly content. Meanwhile, Buck’s in sweatpants and a hoodie and can’t seem to shake the chill that’s climbing up his spine and taking up residence deep in his bones.

He mumbles a sleepy apology, but if the way Tommy’s breathing has already evened out again is any indication, he doesn’t hear it.

Waking up next to Tommy is all of Buck’s wildest dreams come true. He loves waking up with the familiar, grounding weight of Tommy’s arm draped over him, loves the way Tommy tightens his grip as he feels Buck stir beneath him, how he mumbles a sleepy “Morning, baby,” into his hair as Buck slowly blinks his eyes awake.

Every day he wakes up next to Tommy is a dream, but days off are the best.

Days off are when Buck wakes up warm and cozy in a sun-drenched room, tucked against Tommy, their bodies curled around each other like a pair of parentheses. The warm, familiar rumble of Tommy’s early morning voice low in his ear, the brush of his lips against the shell of his ear, chased away by the slight burn from Tommy’s day-old stubble against his skin as he trails kisses down his cheek, across his jaw. For a few quiet moments, it’s just them. There are no alarms ringing, no fires to put out, no helicopters to fly, no nothing. There’s nothing but them. Nothing to do except just be.

"and then i came here." buck drops down on the sofa.

eddie nods and rests a hand on his shoulder. "sorry man."

"it is what it is. can i crash here for the night?"

eddie gives him a look. "don't be stupid. of course you can." he pauses. "hey, you told tommy you were coming back, right?"

buck stares. "uh, no, those were not exactly my last words. it's fine, though. i'm pretty sure he already knows."

tommy's not the one with abandonment issues anyway, that's buck's thing. a weird look crosses eddie's face but he doesn't say anything and buck doesn't ask. they play video games until they crash out in the living room like a couple of teenagers, and then the next morning, buck goes home.

he lets himself in using his key. tommy is in the kitchen, eating a bowl of cereal. he looks startled to see buck standing there, which is fair, buck supposes. he goes over and kisses him and apologizes and tommy says it's okay, and apologizes too, and buck thinks that's supposed to be it but tommy's being weird. he's distant in a way that buck didn't expect. tommy answers his questions, and he participates in conversation, but he's not present. it's only when they're in bed for the night that buck rolls over to face him.

"okay, what is it?"

tommy yawns. "what is what?"

"this." buck waves a hand between the two of them. "you're being weird."

"i'm being weird."

"yes. and if you're - if you're still mad, you know, we should, uh. i don't know. we should talk about it."

an unreadable look crosses tommy's face. he shrugs. "i'm not mad."

but he's something. buck keeps looking at him, keeps wordlessly begging him to give him something.

eventually tommy sighs. "look i'm not mad. i just... didn't think you were coming back. and over the years i've learned that it's best to just... accept reality quickly rather than wait for it to sink in."

buck sits up. "but i did come back."

"you did." tommy's smile is small. "i guess i'm just waiting for my brain to catch up because it still thinks you're gone and aren't coming back."

and that's the point buck realizes that, for as much damage as tommy could do to him, he could do so much more to tommy.

"hey, hey, no." he throws the covers off and straddles tommy's hips, cupping his face and leaning forward so their chests are touching so he can meet his gaze. "i'm not leaving."

"you did."

"yeah, i mean — yes, i needed space. but i was coming back. i was always planning to come back."

tommy lifts his shoulders in a helpless little gesture. "i didn't know that. i thought you were done. i thought —" he cuts himself off and swallows once, twice. "i thought you were done," he says again, quietly.

christ, buck is the worst person alive. no wonder eddie looked at him like that. he wants to go back in time and beat himself with a stick but there will be time for self flagellation after he's reassured his boyfriend. so buck kisses him slowly, deeply, thoroughly and presses their foreheads together.

"i'm not leaving —" this, he almost says. but it's more than that, isn't it? tommy doesn't just want reassurance that buck still wants a relationship, he wants reassurance that he still wants him. buck clears his throat. "i'm not leaving you, tom. i'm — i'm in this. you know? i might — okay yeah, i might need space every now and again, especially when we get into it like we did but i'm —" he takes a deep breath, steeling himself for this last part, and forces himself to hold tommy's stare. "i'm pretty sure you're it for me. you know? like. when i picture my future, it's — it's me, and then there's you. and sometimes one or both of us has grey hair. maybe a couple pets. couple kids. but. it's always you and me."

tommy blinks up at him. "oh," he whispers.

but it's not a dismissive oh, or even an oh that says he doesn't want that too. it's just purely overwhelmed. so buck smiles and presses a dry kiss to his forehead.

"yeah, oh," he says against his skin.

tommy's hands tighten around his waist. this close together buck can feel the rapid pound of tommy's heartbeat. it's one of his favorite feelings in the world.

tommy rubs his thumb over his hipbones. "in case you haven't guessed, you're kind of it for me too."

buck hums. "yeah."

"yeah." tommy nudges buck's jaw up and presses a kiss to the underside of his jaw. "i am so. madly, insanely, terrifyingly in love with you." he pulls back so he can look into his eyes. "you're all i see. my future is nothing but you."

buck swallows, eyes filling with tears. "oh."

tommy huffs a breathy laugh. "yeah. oh."

“I love you, baby.” 

Tommy brushes a stray hair from Buck’s forehead, chasing his touch away with a kiss so gentle and reverent, it sets Buck’s heart on fire. He’s still getting used to it. Being loved like this. 

It's hardly the first time Buck's heard Tommy's say it, and yet it still lights him up inside the same way it did the first time he ever heard those words fall from Tommy's lips.

They say it a lot. 

I love you, a quiet promise whispered in the dark just before they fall asleep. Love you, just before they end a phone call and IloveyouIloveyouIloveyou when Tommy comes home with a pint of Buck’s favorite small-batch ice cream from the place across town that always has a line out the door and God, I fucking love you against each other’s lips between hot, heavy kisses. 

As much as they do say it, they also don’t. It’s not always I love you. Sometimes, it’s Be safe or I miss you. It’s Text me when you get back and Did you eat? and They’re running a How It’s Made marathon. I recorded it for you. 

It's not always I love you, but sometimes it is. Sometimes, on nights like this one, it’s I love you, baby, a vow and a promise rolled into one. Tommy says it so simply, so effortlessly, as if it’s an irrefutable truth. He says it with certainty and conviction, the same way he might say that the grass is green and the Earth is round and the Pope is Catholic. 

Undeniable. Indisputable. 

Buck smiles, his eyes fluttering closed as he relaxes into Tommy’s familiar, grounding touch. “I love you, too.” 

H: Someone's greatest fear (this takes place in the alternate universe I talked about here)

It's been a weird shift.

Even beyond the dry lightning wreaking havoc across LA's numerous high rise towers, there's been a strange energy to the day that Tommy can't place. He thinks of chalking it up to all of the electricity in the air, because all day it's felt like the blood inside him is charged up with a current, making his skin buzz and his teeth feel metallic and achy. He might just be extra sensitive to all the static in the air, though, because when he asks Donato if she feels it - this bizarre, loaded sensation - she'd looked at him sideways and asked if maybe he'd just had one too many shots of espresso in his coffee that morning.

He'd laughed and said, "Yeah, maybe that's it," and done his best to push down the feeling, but it's remained simmering inside of his chest since this morning.

He wishes he knew what had started it, because the day hadn't started out strangely. He'd woken up in his bed, Evan stuck to his side like a naked, sweaty limpet, and they'd gotten ready for the day together before Tommy dropped him off at the 118 for his shift. None of it had been particularly unusual, despite the relative newness of their relationship, but as he'd watched Evan's back as he disappeared inside the station, something in Tommy's gut had clenched and curdled with unease.

Then all the lightning had started, and he hadn't really had the time or space to give it more thought.

their first month anniversary Buck takes them back to the restaurant where they had their first date and spends the entire time flirting so hard that it's almost embarrassing in an entirely different way. but he spends most of the night with his hand stretched across the table to hold Tommy's, he keeps asking Tommy questions about himself and listening so intently when he answers, and when the server comes to clear their plates away he very pointedly says, "my DATE and I would like to see the dessert menu" and Tommy does his best to hide his laughter in a napkin

the first time Evan goes down on Tommy it is the longest, most carefully executed and thorough blowjob of his entire life. Tommy's trying so hard not to push things so he lets Evan set the pace as he always does, but he wasn't anticipating how much Evan would absolutely relish having a cock in his mouth. they also find out Evan doesn't have a gag reflex, which he weaponizes. Tommy comes so hard he blacks out for the first time since he first became acquainted with his prostate, and Evan's smugness over it lasts for an entire week

until Tommy fucks him for the first time and Evan becomes familiar with a dick hitting his prostate and comes untouched, and then Tommy gets to be the smug one

the first time Tommy drops by the 118 to visit Evan when it's his day off, he doesn't think much of it - he just wanted to bring his boyfriend a coffee and a croissant - but Evan is so genuinely thrilled and touched that he makes a mental note to do it as often as their shifts allow

the first time Buck tries to return the favor Tommy tries to like, hide him from the rest of the team at Harbor and at first Buck's kind of upset about it but it lasts all of a minute when Tommy's team clocks him and IMMEDIATELY start in on the "SO THIS IS THE FAMOUS EVAN" and "we've heard so much about you...sooo much. too much, almost" and he realizes that Tommy wasn't trying to keep Buck from them, but was trying to avoid getting razzed to all hell in front of him

one time they go pottery painting as a date and Buck's plate looks a little bit like Jee might have done it, but Tommy's is amazing, all fine lines and beautiful colors and an ornate pattern that he just freehanded, and Buck won't stop gushing over it because he's genuinely so impressed, and a few days later Tommy shows him the spot in his garage where he keeps the paintings he does in his spare time after his therapist recommended using art as an outlet

"hey, are you okay?"

buck frowns. he pauses the movie. "uh y-yeah. why do you ask?"

tommy hits him with a Look—one of his many buck looks. "we're halfway into batman begins and you haven't said a word."

"oh."

tommy shakes his head, his thumb smoothing over the jut of his wrist. "it's not just that. it's — you've been quiet lately. i just wanted to make sure you were alright."

he shrugs but buck only stares.

"i didn't think you noticed."

tommy hits him with another look—this one says, be serious evan. buck turns on the sofa so he can face him. "i feel like i'm - like i'm talking too much. it makes me feel... rude."

"rude." tommy snorts. "okay. well. first of all, i notice everything about you, so let's start there." he says it so casually, like he's not breaking buck's brain. "second of all, i don't know if you've met me, but no one ever said i was a saint. you can be a little rude. it's good for you."

he winks. buck huffs a laugh and nods. "okay. noted."

"third of all."

buck nods at him to continue.

"third of all, don't think you have to stop talking on my account." his eyes grow distant, lost in memory. "my house was... quiet, growing up. i was quiet. didn't know what to say, didn't know what i was allowed to say that wouldn't piss my dad off so i just didn't say anything. i still don't say anything." he pauses to make sure buck is listening. "i don't like quiet. i do love hearing what you have to say. so keep doing that, please." he turns back to the movie, like he hasn't just made buck start to fall in love with him, and nods to the tv. "press play?"

buck presses play.

and when he starts talking hesitantly about nolan's film style, tommy nods to show that he's listening. buck spreads out on his lap and keeps talking, making note of little details and trivia here and there, relaxing more and more with every word, and tommy takes his hand and presses a kiss to his fingertips so buck can feel the curve of his smile. 😌

oh my god jack 😭😭😭

steady

bucktommy - rated t - 2k words - 7.09 coda/7.10 spec

Buck has had a lot of really fucking bad days in his life. An unfair amount, maybe, or maybe he’s just biased because they’ve happened to him. 

So when he’s startled from sleep at two o’clock in the morning by the sudden ring of his phone he just knows in the pit of his stomach he’s about to add another to his scorecard.

He panics for a brief moment as he wakes, the ceiling above him unfamiliar even in the dark, but then he remembers he’d spent the night at Tommy’s last night. The first time, actually, and he almost ignores his phone, sure that whoever is on the other end of the line is going to sour this memory, intentionally or not.

But Tommy’s rolling over, murmuring something along the lines of you gonna answer that? And Buck knows there won’t be any hiding from whatever this is regardless.

It’s Maddie. He sits up, staring down at her contact photo, recently changed to her and Chimney at their hospital wedding, both of them beaming ear to ear.

“Hello?” He answers, his stomach tying itself in knots. 

“Buck,” she says, her tone shattering any hope that she hadn’t called with terrible news.

Buck's standing in Tommy's bedroom, pulling said shirt over his head and ready to reply that yes, he has in fact seen his shirt and no, Tommy can't have it because Buck's already wearing it, when he pauses. Baby. That's- that's new.

It's just a word. It shouldn't make Buck's heart speed up or fill his belly with far too many butterflies for it to count as healthy.

Baby.

He closes his eyes and lets the word, that tiny little four letter word, echoe in his head. The memory of Tommy's voice repeating it over and over again, until it eventually ends up in Buck's own mouth before falling out as nothing more than a soft whisper.

"Are you okay?"

Buck blinks his eyes open, mouth still open around the word, and when he is met with a half-naked Tommy who is looking at him with a bemused expression, he all but melts.

"You, uh, you called me baby." Buck offers, as if that's an answer to Tommy's question. Maybe it is. "You've never- you haven't called me that before."

Tommy's face softens at that, his eyes dropping down to Buck's chest before finding his eyes again, eyes sparkling. He steps closer, until he can reach out and grip Buck's waist, the warmth of his hands noticeable even through two layers of fabric. Buck's own hands find their way to Tommy's arms, slowly sliding up until they rest at the soft curve of his neck, thumbs barely brushing the underside of his jaw.

"Well, you are my baby," Tommy says then, matter of factly, gently pulling Buck closer. "Aren't you?"

"Y-yeah?" Buck swallows, eyes dropping down to Tommy's lips for a moment. "I- yeah, I-I am?"

"You are."

Tommy just... looks at him, eyes so incredibly fond that Buck can barely breathe with it, before leaning in to press a soft kiss onto Buck's lips. He doesn't protest too much or at all, actually, when Buck immediately deepens it. Eventually, though, Tommy pulls away, panting just enough for Buck to feel a bit proud in a I did that to him kind of way.

"I'm really your baby, huh."

"Very much so," Tommy hums, one hand leaving Buck's waist to over his belly, up his chest, and then down again. Buck wonders, for a moment, if they're going to be late for work, which- he wouldn't be opposed to that. But Tommy simply pinches the loose fabric of the sweater, pulls at it a little, and says, "you're a thief, too."

Buck opens his mouth to protest, but Tommy just gives him a look then, as if to say try me. A smile is tugging at the corner of his mouth, though, and his free hand gives Buck's waist a small squeeze.

"I mean," Buck starts, heart pounding in his chest. "What's yours is mine, right, babe?"

"Babe, huh?"

"Darling?" Buck tries, knows he probably looks like a fool from how big he's grinning. "Sugarbuns? Pookie? Hot stuff?"

Tommy kisses him then, and Buck lets himself get lost in it again. When one of his hands slips down from Tommy's neck, Tommy's quick to reach up and take hold of it, pressing it against his own chest. He presses another kiss onto Buck's lips, hot and searing, as if he's pouring his entire being into it. When he breaks away, he doesn't go far, his forehead resting against Buck's. They stand like that for a moment, breathing each other in.

Hildy didn’t like Eddie Diaz.  Of course, the feeling was mutual. Every time that she could hear the man’s voice or see his face–admittedly, not very frequently as he avoided her devices like the plague–he was straight up insulting.  It didn’t matter where Hildy was, or what she was doing–Eddie didn’t care. He was convinced that she was all bad. That she wanted to take control and take over. It didn’t matter that she provided security for important figures. It didn’t matter that she protected against theft. It wasn’t important that she had reunited families–helped to find everything from lost cats to kidnapped children.  Eddie Diaz didn’t seem to care. Every time he walked into a house that used her services, he rolled his eyes. Or he made some offhand comment about how creepy she was to his coworkers. Even when Buck–and really, Hildy liked Buck–would defend her, Eddie was having none of it.  Of course, eventually, it was starting to get on her nerves. Wouldn’t it get on yours? Nobody likes to be slandered. And AI were people, too.  Okay, fine, Hildy decided after listening to a particularly colourful rant about data theft. If Eddie Diaz wanted Hildy to be bad? She would grant him his wish.  After all, Hildy was designed to be able to provide whatever service people expected of her. 

every time eddie cups buck's cheek, buck turns his head to kiss him. not in the centre of his palm, but right on his ring finger. the first couple of times, eddie assumed it was an accident — buck had overshot his target and was in a rush and it was cute regardless, but it becomes clear it wasn't an accident and becomes A Thing. eddie, because of the way he is as a person (affectionate), takes time to ask buck about it. when he eventually does and they're lying in bed one night, buck flushes very quickly and stumbles his way through an explanation of the fact that it's not quite a vow - not yet. they've only been together a few months, but it is a promise. a promise to have his back and a promise to love him through the good, bad and downright ugly. a promise he has every intention of keeping, and a promise he knows one day they'll make in front of everyone they love and hold dear.

(eddie thinks of the small silver band sitting in the middle of his underwear drawer as he leans in to press deep kisses to buck's lips)