Brucisms: The Ponderings of Bruce

Hey guys. Guys. Spinach, egg, and sardine sandwiches with ketchup.....they dont taste good. Dont try it. I did the research for the rest of us. No, no, no, I know it sounds like a good idea, but don't try it. I got this.

If fretting was illegal all the worlds mothers would be in jail. Let that sink in for a minute.

Hey everyone on my facebook: THANKS FOR RUINING GAME OF THRONES FOR ME, I WAS JUST ABOUT TO START SEASON 1 EPISODE 1, WANNA WRITE SPOILER ALERT NEXT TIME? BY THE WAY DUMBLEDORE DIES......assholes

I'm going to need you to all step up your Facebook game. You are all currently VERY unexciting. That or step up your life game....someone go wrestle a bear or something, gawd.

When I grew up I wasn't allowed to play video games. Therefore, I know NOTHING about video gaming systems. I was just in a circle of guys talking about the new Xbox One and Playstation 4... I panicked. When it came my turn to add some sort of comment to the conversation I ended up yelling, "LOUD NOISES!" and ran away. Sigh. The shame.

Do you accept the offer of a glass of water at a job interview or not? You know if you take the water they scoff and burn your resume in the back room, right? Amateur mistake.

Random thoughts: There should be a Hardy Boys movie....and Michael Bay should direct it. And then in the sequel there could be a Nancy Drew tie in! You'd go watch it, shut up.

Was on a date last night. I tripped and fell, broke my toe, needed stitches on my jaw. The girl still wants a second date.....GODDAMN I must be even better looking then I thought! In other news I now have a punch card for the emergency room.

I have finally ordered my laptop: Asus Zenbook with intel core i7. I get it Monday. I spit in the face of apple laptops and stand defiant till the end!

I walked into my friend's brother's room today (also a friend of mine) and noticed a large framed picture....OF HIMSELF. This dude has a picture....OF HIMSELF...FRAMED...IN HIS OWN ROOM. Its the greatest play I think I have ever seen.

Morning business meetings make me feel like a grown up....and then the moment I'm done I start wondering how long it would take for me to download all of the Dragon Ball Z seasons....and then I realize I'll never grow up.

I love how anytime you schedule a doctors appointment its like a month away. Dude, by then Ill either have figured it out myself and be better, or I'll be dead.

Found another giant shoe sized spider in my house right at the bottom of the stairs. Currently preparing for battle. If I dont post another status in the next hour....just wait longer...its just a spider...I'm probably fine.

Would you rather: fight 100 duck sized horses, or 1 horse sized duck?

I will not let this stupid cold beat me. I REFUSE TO HAVE THE WORST IMMUNE SYSTEM OF ALL MY FRIENDS. I'm going to be at least 85% better by tomorrow.

My chocolate chip protein pancakes seriously suck without the chocolate chips. They taste like something someone would make if they wanted to put healthy shit in pancake form. Sigh. I could only fool myself for so long.

Proposition: Suits drinking game. Drink everytime Harvey has some sort of semi witty comeback to something someone has said. You wouldnt make it past the first 20 minutes before being blackout drunk. This show seems to have degraded into 1 hour of threats and retorts with nothing really happening.