#beargrylls

শীতনিদ্রা বিশিষ্ট প্রাণীর তালিকায় শীর্ষে এদের নাম আসে। কিন্তু  এরা আসলে শীতনিদ্রায় সম্পূর্ণরূপে যায় না। পশুপাখি কমপক্ষে নিজেদের ঘ্রাণ শক্তিকে কাজে লাগিয়ে এদিকে ওদিকে চলাফেরা করে সামান্য।  এরা শীত যায় না গেলেও টর্পর নামক বিশেষ পদ্ধতিতে নিজেদের  রপ্ত  করে নেয়। টর্পর  পদ্ধতিতে ভাল্লুকের হৃদস্পন্দন এবং শ্বাস-প্রশ্বাসের হার কমে যায়।

Well hello there, 

It has been a hot minute since I last posted anything and the only reason for that is School. The last six months have been School, school and more school. But I am pleased to announce that we are nearing the end of that tunnel. Sticking to the motif of mountains on the blog we are at the final camp before reaching the summit. The final stages are the toughest, this is where our patience, perseverance and endurance will be tested. The last two years of training were for these last few steps to the top of the mountain. Now, I’m not saying once we reach the top that’s the end. No, once we reach the top of this mountain our view of the world will improve and we’ll see taller mountains to climb. But we have to get there first.

My exams start in less than two days and I’m nervous, excited and glad to have made it this far. I’ve had to keep telling myself to not give up and give it my all because these are the last few moments where I have a chance to do so. I want to be able to say that whatever the outcome I gave it my all and I’m proud of that. If you’re reading this as well and you’ve got exams coming up don't worry and don't stress because regardless of the outcome there are better things coming your way. I’ve got lots of things to start writing about but I’ll probably upload them once my exams are over. Anyway, Good luck to those of who sitting exams for the IB diploma or just end of year exams !!

‘It might be dusty and  hidden away, but it is there somewhere  inside of you: the heart of a survivor. Courage. Tenacity. Strength

So don't shy away from the hard times, they are your chance to shine.

Struggle develops  strength and storms make you stronger.’

First of all, i’m probably throwing jokes in this text/blog or however you wanna call it.. I call it ‘in my mind’ my mind is free to read when i drop it and i guess it’s a way for me to talk about shit i won’t talk about in normal social situations or with other. Ow yea! the jokes, i always spill loads of jokes when i’m talking about serious stuff about myself, i don’t know why actually (perhaps it makes me feeling a bit more comfortable). Also i’m not a king in English writhing, i actually don’t know why i excuse myself.. this text is for me, speaking to me.

Today i’m going to write the first part of whats in my mind today and perhaps tomorrow i’m going to write a second part about something that’s in my mind for a while. Something that involves me getting older and the loss of my brothers and sisters (they’re alive, don’t worry).

The first part goes about the girl that broke up with me almost 2 weeks ago.

Part 1 - The Girl

I’m a late hitter with everything, i’ve always been.  I was a slow learning at school, it took me very long to learn how to talk, to read, to swim, to make friends and to gain some self esteem. Sometimes i say to people that i’m 15% slower than the average person, because i got this attention dissorder called ADD ( Attention Deficit Disorder), i got loads and loads of it haha. You know how Professor Utonium made the powerpuff girls and accidentally spilled the black stuff that gave them superpowers, well my parents spilled some of that stuff but filled with ADD.

Alright, back to the point. I’ve always been late in realizing whats going on, how i feel and what i miss. Almost 2 weeks ago a girl broke up with me (no backstory included xx) and suddenly those feelings are starting to hit, i feel lied to, not taken serious and perhaps even a bit used. We used to stay in contact but i learned some things and i don’t feel comfortable to keep reminded at her.. I know pushing people away or deleting them out of your life is not the right way to handle situations like this, but damn it is tempting and i’m trying to refuse doing it. 

We had good times together and i cherish those, but i keep thinking.. Perhaps nothing was even real for her, but it sure was for me. Situations like these happened more than 3 or 5 times to me and like this tough guy bear Grylls says ‘ Endure,Adapt, Overcome (he’s the guy from drinking your own piss memes etc). Everyone moves on so fucking fast and it makes me kinda insecure, is the way i act ‘real’ even real for people, or just fun? I gotta be honest, i kinda forgot what i was about to say after the Bear Grylls reference, but thats okay, this text is for me anyway! I will overcome this, but i feel different than the other times this shit happened. Maybe because she’s like very quick with dating another boy and at first i was okay with that. I don’t want to disturb the feelings they’ve got.. But it makes me feel really replaceable you know, like one of those razor blades you throw away after shaving your sex machine parts. yea razors, watch me being tough Bear Grylls.

the moral of the story you ask? It took me 2 weeks to realize i did something, what i’m actually already doing my whole life.. loving the other more than they every could love me, and it hits hard seeing her and him, thinking about her and him, realizing i’m replaced (again). But i know i’m gonna be okay!

That’s all for tonight, i still got some school things to fix and check out some new music.