#shitguystext

Was on a date last night. I tripped and fell, broke my toe, needed stitches on my jaw. The girl still wants a second date.....GODDAMN I must be even better looking then I thought! In other news I now have a punch card for the emergency room.

Morning business meetings make me feel like a grown up....and then the moment I'm done I start wondering how long it would take for me to download all of the Dragon Ball Z seasons....and then I realize I'll never grow up.

I love how anytime you schedule a doctors appointment its like a month away. Dude, by then Ill either have figured it out myself and be better, or I'll be dead.

Found another giant shoe sized spider in my house right at the bottom of the stairs. Currently preparing for battle. If I dont post another status in the next hour....just wait longer...its just a spider...I'm probably fine.

"There is something about a really skinny guy knocking out a really jacked guy that makes me really really excited."

"Im done with Family Guy. Im switching back to The Simpsons! Who's with me?!"