People talk about gun control in the abstract like it only affects their weekend entertainment of shooting cans and negroes (I mean let’s be honest about who is truly pro-gun heh) but honestly if guns were readily available and affordable to everyone the odds of me being alive a week from today are about 0.1%.

Op. why do you open your mouth?

Because they need a place to keep their foot.

this is the money burrito. reblog for money and burritos to come your way

Y’ALL THE MONEY BURRITO WORKED!!! I JUST GOT NOTIFIED I WAS APPROVED FOR A $2,500 SCHOLARSHIP FOR NEXT SEMESTER!! ^_^ ^_^ ^_^

and i just found a burrito under my bed?!?!? this shit really works 

im gonna fuckin shit this actually worked i payed my credit card debt and no money was ever pulled from my account

what did this bird do

I wish i had context on this 

I don’t think the contexts helps in this case.

At NYCC 2014 I was at some publishing booth getting free ARCs (Advanced Reader’s Copies of books to get some publicity/word of mouth going before it’s actually released) and they were like ‘Pick any three’ out of like five or six books. There were a ton of copies of this but no one was taking them??? I was so confused at the time that people didn’t understand important bird humor

I love these!!

To paraphrase one of my favorite bits of a ‘humans are awesome’ fiction megapost: “you don’t know you’re from a Death World until you leave it.” For a ton of reasons, I really like the idea of Earth being Space Australia.

Earth being Space Australia Words cannot express how much I love these posts

“You’re telling me that you have… settlements. On islands with active volcanism?” “Well, yeah. I’m not about to tell Iceland and Hawaii how to live their lives. Actually, it’s kind of a tourist attraction.” “What, the molten rock?” “Well, yeah! It’s not every day you see a mountain spew out liquid rocks! The best one is Yellowstone, though. All these hot springs and geysers from the supervolcano–” “You ACTIVELY SEEK OUT ACTIVE SUPERVOLCANOES?” “Shit, man, we swim in the groundwater near them.”

Sounds like the “Damned” trilogy by Alan Dean Foster.

And then the aliens learn what it means to “facepalm” despite not having palms per se….

Let’s not even get started on the very densely populated distinctly non-waterproof cities built below sea level along a coastline because that dike is sure to hold forever.

Eva has raised over $3,000 in one week!!! Part of that is because of many tumblr users who have donated, thanks to so many of you reblogging this. Please keep sharing. Tag people you know who have lots of followers. Post it on your facebook. On reddit. On twitter. Everywhere!! I have 17 weeks to come up with $5,000 more for this fantastic pupper.

New tactic for week 2: anyone who reblogs this post will get an automatic follow from me. You don’t have to follow me back! If it gets more people to reblog this post, I’ll do whatever it takes.

SAVE MEME DOGG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

When I saw this for the first time this morning it only had around ~2000 notes, and now it has almost 8000!!! IN A DAY!!!

Do it for Eva!

EVERYBODY HELP EVA 😢😭

if teenagers are ever being mean to you just pull out any miscellaneous item you have on you at the moment and make up some bullshit term to scare them

teenagers: we are going to punch you me *pulling out spoon*: have you lot ever been Uncle Jimmied

teenagers: we are going to kick you me *pulling out an electric toothbrush*: have you all ever experienced a Norwegian Christmas…

teenagers: we are going to unlawfully take your money me *taking car keys out of my pocket*: say, have any of you ever had a Pacific Ocean Garbage Patch…….

teenagers: we are going to call you mean names me *taking Costco brand pair of socks out of my purse*: it’s been a while since i gave someone a Tropic Of Capricorn………….

teenagers: we’re violent just for the fun of it ! me *microwaving a hard-boiled egg*: you’re all about to get a Matthew Broderick Jr.

teenagers: we are going to spread rumors about you me *getting out my tube of rash cream*: don’t force me to give you a Chinese Whistling Garden

teenagers: we are about to physically assault you me *pulling out cantaloupe*: seems like you rapscallions have never heard of the Screaming Astronaut

teenagers: we are going to commit felonies me *pulling out handfuls of spaghetti*: I’m sorry you all have to experience the Kansas Turnpike …

teenagers: i am preparing to steal an automotive vehicle me *taking out a roll of dental floss*: keep this sort of behavior up and you’re going to get the Rick Astley’s Crochet

teenagers: i plan to do acts of physical hooliganism! me *takes a Bop It out of my pocket*: I don’t normally do this but I’ll enjoy giving you a North Carolina Senator G.K. Butterfield

if theres a day i dont reblog this assume i died

Let’s not forget these are the same people who pushed for the Affordable Care Act, then added extra stipulations that excluded themselves from the very laws they were writing. These people think they are above the law.

your package has been delivered

We’d never drive into your fucking house. Unlike @fed-ex-official.

When you need fast delivery we come through

I have already discussed this.  Fed ex stole our truck to slander our good name. 

That’s how we roll

Now this is a shipping war I could get behind.

At least we go through the door

I’m so mad because this worked

help me roger

………my friend has made me curious

help me roger

Update: after I reblogged this someone messaged me offering me tickets to the sold out Hausu screening with a Q&A and autograph session with the director

let’s do it, roger

Roger helppppp

What’s good, Roger?

bc finals week

Roger!!!

Oklahoma here.

Michigan, same deal.

Maryland, same deal. Located in the Baltimore area.

Idaho here.

Kentucky here

Colorado here

Washington State. (Seattle area)

Arizona!!! Hit me up!

Austin, Texas! Just let me know!

The West Georgia Area.

Middle Georgia, got your six.

Oregon, middle or pdx area.

North Carolina, just let me know. 

Memphis, TN area here.

Every version of this post is amazing.

Humans are exactly who you want in an emergency. The fact that 6 times out of 10 they CAUSED the emergency is irrelevant.