♡♡♡

Fuck you.

He was a blizzard and I was a forest fire, and we just didn’t fit together like the light snow and warm embers we once were.

I still care about you, I still want to make sure you're okay, and I still want to be in your life. Things didn't work out, and I understand this. I wish it would've. We were just two different people, and you agreed with this, too. Maybe we'll bump into each other in 10 years, and we'll both be older and we'll both be different. Maybe I'll see you in a coffee shop and you'll stand the same way while ordering, and I'll be sitting in a chair, sipping my drink, with the same look on my face. Maybe our eyes will meet, and maybe we'll have a new beginning. Everything will be different, but everything will be good. I would like that. Right now, though. Right now, you hurt me. I know I hurt you, too, but I can't go back to making you sad again. I can't go back to crying myself to sleep, or to being scared of you getting mad at me. Maybe we can be friends later in life.

I still get butterflies in my tummy when you hold my hand, and my heart still skips a beat whenever I feel your lips on mine. I get filled with this inexplicable happiness whenever you’re around. Just thinking about falling asleep next to you, and waking up to your half-sleep self makes me smile. I swear, you’re all I need.

I don't think the coffee shop on the corner would be the same. The movie theater with the ice cream shop just around the corner, with the bench we sat at out front, would just hurt to look at let alone go there. I couldn't walk by Carnegie park without wanting to burst into tears out of missing what memories we made there. I would miss the way your hand fit into mine, and I don't anything could even come close to feeling the same. The tan couch in my room would just be a cluttered mess of nostalgia. You would be gone, and there would be no getting you back. I'd spend all of my 11:11 wishes on just being able to hear you tell me you love me one more time.

We have too many firsts to have our last.

We are oxygen, carbon, hydrogen, nitrogen, calcium and phosphorus. We are the places we’ve been to, the people we’ve met, and the books we’ve read. We are the emotions we’ve felt, the emotions we feel, and the emotions that will visit us in the future. We are filled with the love we feel and the beating hearts in our chests and the thoughts swirling around our heads. Our veins are filled with stardust and we’re all just trying to find our way home.

I love the way you speak. I love the way you think. I love the way you breathe. I love the way you turn sad things into happy things. I love how you make me think. I love you. I love all of you, inside and out, for what you are and what you aren’t. I love everything about you. Everything that has to do with you. I’m completely infatuated and in love with you.

You're so lovely and spectacular and I want you to know you're wonderful.

I just want to give you a big hug. A hug big enough to put all your broken pieces back together so that you’ll no longer feel empty.

I’m feeling happy again. Something changed when we said we could fix things, you and me, together.

It hurts to breathe, I am miserable, and my will to live has disappeared along with my happiness. I no longer want to exist.

I think happy thoughts when I'm with you.

I’ve gotten good at crying in silence.

There’s something about sitting in your own puddle of tears that makes every word hurt a thousand times more.