drink water

this girl was showing all the signs of being a secret mermaid so i pushed her into the pool and she turned into a forty foot long mosasaurus which is tbh way cooler

not really sure how to get her out though

boyfriend was just getting all gushy because I did something nice for him and he said "I love you so much, you are the most wonderful creature," and then in an abruptly solemn tone added "but make no mistake. you are a creature"

“A child/student/young person asked me how to do X why does nobody get taught anything these days!!!” It’s you, buddy, you’re the teaching, this may legitimately never have come up before, why do people think education is exclusively some kind of abstract preemptive measure, most importantly done by other people so the rest of us only get the benefits and don’t have to do the work. Sometimes the person who is going to teach this is you. Fucking step up

what did they do

What they had to do.

Discworld Heritage Post

the monkey's paw curled but i was faster and now we are holding hands

That's the camera flash, I think.

actually that's the light of his pure and noble soul

children are so fucking funny man. i just overheard a kid go “i just learned a new way to pinch, wanna see it? it hurts a lot more!” followed by a loud, notably pained scream

They should invent a grad school application where they just look directly into my brain and see how passionate and good at research I am and admit me with full funding to any program I want.

just the two of us / we can make it if we try.