Crypt Whispers

we joke about the cubus in amaurot but honestly if a new yorker made a simulacrum of new york 10,000 years in the future and someone was like "why are there fucking rats" they Would react like that one tweet

Ed Greenwood Describing a Place That is Evil: "There were no MILFs here..."

Ed Greenwood Describing a Different Place That Is Evil: "There were too many dommy MILFs here, which is hard to believe I know..."

Ed Greenwood Describing a Place That is Okay: "There is an ideal ratio of MILFs to non-MILFs in government, which is about 60/40 in favor of the MILFs. In fact this is actually a statistical average, I have a chart to calculate the ratio depending on what percentage of the MILFs are specifically Chaotic Good versus Lawful Good."

Ed Greenwood Describing a Place: "So I here is a 50 page lore article about the particulars regarding the local MILF situation..."

#we all could only dream to see our fetish backstory settings canonized in a multimillion dollar franchise#live your truth Ed you crazy bastard

I think instrumence should be free for those who are pure of heart

u should be able to put ur hand down and let the instrument sniff u and if it smells a beautiful quality in ur heart and spirit that's ur instrument now. stray tumpet follow you home.. bwaa

i am not a religious person…….. but if you’re out there, giant rat that makes all of the rules,

yeah yeah fire-based characters are destructive and angry and violent and evil blah blah blah BORING overdone. more fire as a lifegiver. warm and comforting. fire-based characters as guides lighting the way. personal heater in the cold and dark but don’t sleep too close or you’ll wake up with heat rash. fire sterilizes and cauterizes!! more fire-based healers. plants perking up and flowers turning towards them and they attract moths. fire-based characters who are hearths instead of wildfires!! the core of a home the pillar of a community the key to societal advancement. give them an internal flame that visibly glows and flickers instead of a heart that beats. extinguish that light when they die. etc

it's okay if you as a lesbian want to fuck the straight blonde popstar but you can't be pretending she's a lesbian too girl at least make it a lesbian corruption kink or some shit

as a healer main, people fumbling mechanics and eating shit is basically the only excitement i get and i hate the attitude that dungeons need to be blown through as fast as possible. day one ozma was some of the most fun i've ever had in this game. lost city of amdapor made such an impression on me i based my entire character around it and i do not think it would have done that if it wasn't mechanically strange and confusing. please i need chaos and party wipes to live

villain going to the goon shelter to pick out a new henchman

this energetic and diabolical boy was rescued from a goon hoarding situation… he loves pulling levers, gloating, and turning cranks with great abandon. prefers to be the only goon. needs an active lair with plenty of enrichment.

now this fella comes with some baggage. his previous villain was going to have put down when he refused to perform unsedated human vivisection as a form of torture. one of our agents intercepted the execution and brought him to the goon shelter. would thrive in an environment of G or PG-rated villainry.

on the other hand, if you’re looking for something a little more… advanced… then this fine lady over here would make a great challenge for an experienced villain able to set firm boundaries. she will NOT be released to first-time villains; proof of prior henchpeople must be demonstrated before adoption approval. high prey drive. under no circumstances should she be left alone with children or small animals. must sign waiver releasing the goon shelter from responsibility if her behavior is deemed excessively depraved.

These two are pair-bonded and may only be adopted together. Up for anything, they are fiercely loyal to their employer provided their needs are met and they are permitted to hold hands. They look alarmingly similar to one another but it is undeterminable whether they are close blood relatives or lovers who choose to dress and style themselves in identical ways. Habit of finishing each other’s sentences with rhyming couplets; we have not attempted to train this out of them. Will answer to whatever names or titles you give them so long as they are complimentary and/or rhyme.

Will you help this goon find his forevil lair? He’s been returned to the goon shelter six times now but we refuse to give up on him. A vile little rat of a man, he’d be the perfect accomplice to someone willing to overlook his unfortunate heterosexuality. If gay-coding is not your style and you don’t expect it from a henchman, please consider giving this little guy a good home in your dastardly schemes.

This guy is not your typical goon. He was rescued from a high-kill shelter after being deemed unfit for henching. His deep baritone voice, his darkly handsome good looks, and his flair for the dramatic have made prospective employers pass over him time and time again, making him the longest resident of the goon shelter. But don’t judge a book by its cover—while his appearance and demeanor suggest “villain”, his real passion is taking orders and faithfully serving a master. If you’re secure in your villainry and not prone to jealousy, he may just be what it takes to turn your base into a lair.