I AM THE SUN PRAISE ME!

Aren’t allowed to show your wrists :/

Slut

Yesterday night a lady came through our drive through and was like “the way the planets are aligning and the fact that we’re getting a blood moon has me worried. I sense severe werewolf activities on the horizon. You better walk your coworker to her car tonight after you’ve closed” and I didn’t even know what to say I was just like “yes ma’am”

gencar

I was checkin the url ready to fight

HHHAAAAAAAHAAHA!!

THE DICKHEADS ARE STUNNED

You talking about a treadmill like that ain’t a whole cheetah.

Stop allowing this cat to train so hard. He’s becoming too powerful.

if you wake up much earlier than normal you feel secret emotions

#one time i just woke up at 7 am and stared at the sunrise for like an hour #dont know what emotions those were but they sure were a lot!!

If you stay up late enough, you feel those same emotions, but the bad version of them

dubm idio t

Still thinking about “the universal male fantasy of dying violently before your time in a conflict that has nothing to do with you in various historical settings”

how many hands you got

two? don’t see how that’s relevant

that’s still four people

will smith isn’t gay. he has a wife and three beautiful, talented children

I can’t believe this post predicted the live action Aladdin genie

If we lose tumblr how will we ever replace these posts in which every reply feels like a punch in the face