Empty Head and Full of Bread

Yeah, it's time to get this post out again

The core conceit of Lord of the Rings is pretty funny. You are a twenty three year old in a suburb of Maine. The little bracelet in your grandpa’s attic has an inscription on it that is the password to the world’s entire nuclear arsenal. It is up to you to walk to the only hydraulic press in the world, located in Arizona, before the FBI finds the bracelet, kills you, and enslaves the suburb of Maine you currently live in

Also the 90-year old hobo that your grandpa beat in a rap battle for possession of the bracelet while hiding from the Romanian secret police really loved the bracelet because it was coated in small amounts of LSD and tried to hunt and kill your grandpa to get it back. He was then apprehended by the FBI and instantly gave them your grandpa’s address. Seal Team Six is about to break down your door and shoot you, says your local congressman who can also do cool magic tricks

There's a guy in NY who MIGHT be capable of destroying the codes but won't coz he simply wants to spend time with his wife. So it's up to your grandpa's old friend in rural Ohio to get you the friends capable of finishing the task.

And we must not, at any point, remember the existence of aircraft and ask aloud why we can't just fly to Arizona

We can't use aircraft because the fbi has access to all the flight data how many times do we need to go over this

always such a struggle when you get to the sex scene part of the fic you're writing and you're not horny at all. i don't know. their things were touching. without ANY underwear. the end.

How do you know you're not Asexual? Maybe you just haven't met the right nobody.

anyone else feel like butter scraped over too much bread and in serious need of a holiday, a very long holiday, from which they don't mean to return. or is it just me

shaking women by their shoulders with all my strength, screaming YOU DONT NEED TO GET PERMISSION TO BREAK UP WITH SOMEONE!!!!

you can choose to break up with someone for any reason. and it’s your choice. you’re allowed. you don’t need to ask for permission. you don’t even need to do it in person. you won’t get in trouble. in fact, most of the time you’ll be in trouble for fucking staying.

maybe next year instead of amateur fireworks on every block for hours and hours we can try holding up a single beautiful flower

I don’t freak unless froken to, thanks

Armand and Lestat are perfect because they’re basically what happens if you made two deeply troubled teenage girls immortal vampires.