Do you ever look at pictures of you as a child and it all seems so surreal? Like, you were that person at one point, you had a completely different worldview and thoughts and friends and hobbies and interests. And then you look at your life since then, and you slowly see the big smile vanishing from your face as the years go by. You have a different worldview now, you've lost a lot of friends along the way, you've grown distant with others, and you've gained some new ones that you hope are here to stay.
You don't wear your hair like that anymore, the posters on the wall went from Barbie to your favourite band at the time to nothing at all. But you still love them. Your body's changed, maybe you've got tattoos or piercings or both now, your hair is shorter or longer or different colours or never dyed at all.
You want to go back in time to that little girl and just hold her and mourn. Mourn for who you used to be, who you could've been, but who you aren't. Because too many things happened, too many things got in the way. You want to tell her you're sorry, sorry for not achieving the dreams you both wanted to achieve. Sorry for not being where you want to be in life. Sorry that things just aren't the way you planned them to be.
I remember little me wanted to have a degree, a job, a license and a car, an apartment/house and someone to share it with. I'm 26 now and I have none of those things. And I can't help but to feel this crushing sense of failure every time I look at old pictures of myself. I've let her down, and I can never make up for that. Happy birthday to her, to all she could've been. She deserved better.
