Kimochi warui

The debt is to an internet company. We couldn't afford them at some point and got shut off, but they still kept charging us? We've argued with the collections people and they knocked it down but I know it's still more than it should be. But we can't get ahold of them anymore so the only choice is to pay. We're using a cheaper company now but that debt is on her credit score and holding it back.

As for the rest...

We've been living in this apartment for I wanna say 7+ years now? We moved in after staying at my aunt's place for a few years because our old apartment got too expensive and we had nowhere to go. While we were with her (and her husband and daughter) we (me, my brother, my mom) shared a room so all our belongings were in a storage unit. We did not realize it was a crappy storage unit.

A few years ago we realized in our move to this apartment, we had accidentally brought with us from the storage unit closet moths. We had no idea for years. By then they had infiltrated the carpet and it was too late to simply place traps.

There is no purging them without ripping up the entire carpet of the apartment. With all our furniture? The only option is to move out and management will handle it before the next person moves in.

If you are concerned about the crochet scarves, don't be! We keep them in airtight containers and regularly check them. They are completely clean and if you want one I can promise they are fine and I will triple-check before shipping.

My brother was horrified enough to spend time at my dad's though because he felt scared of his room, and we thought it would be a few weeks at most to solve the issue, but we quickly learned the futility of it. It's been years now. He's not coming back until we move out. He misses our mom dearly but that's his line.

We have been mitigating as that's the best we can do until we leave. And the final nail in the coffin is the asshole neighbor some of you know about.

There is no sound insulation in these shitty apartments. We didn't know because our previous downstairs neighbors were quiet. The guy who moved in last year?

He turns the bathroom into a nightclub with every shower. I can hear his Discord alert bleeps when he plays console. I know what PC games he plays with his friends and how crappy they are at Fortnite purely because he is so loud and obnoxious. I cannot exist in my room without headphones or earplugs. I had to order extremely sound dampening ones just to sleep because he screams over Discord at 3am like his friends don't know how to turn their volume up.

Our apartment has Quiet Hours. Management doesn't care. "He can't be heard in the stairwell so it's fine." But he sure as hell can be heard inside! I've given up on them. I'm sure they think I'm the girl who cried wolf at this point.

Yes, I have spoken with the neighbor. It was how I got him to stop blasting bass-boosted music loud enough to shake my room. But the rest won't stop. And eventually he stopped answering the door so I left him notes. And later he left me a very threatening one saying he would call the cops for harassment and how he's so nice that he could do worse but he doesn't, and how god forbid he not have his 15 minutes of nightclub shower.

I stopped leaving notes. I have just suffered. I know he is bluffing, the cops won't do shit when I've been quiet as a mouse compared to bass-boosted toddler, but there is nothing I can do. He behaves like he's five and won't listen.

I've joked with my family that I'm going to wind up on the news for assault one of these days. I have better control than that, I won't actually, but god it would be cathartic.

Sampo slept with many men and women in his life. Whether it was for profit, the pure joy of it or a secret third thing, it ultimately didn't matter. It was expected of him. This persona of a man who could bed anything that walked or talked near him. With a sultry smile, a wink thrown in, he could get anyone he desired.

But… that's not really what he wanted.

The comfort of another body with him, a childish desire to sleep next to someone. That's what he sought after. The comforting warmth of knowing someone would be there should anything happen. A deep trust between two individuals that didn't extend to physical desire (or went beyond that). It wasn't easy to get that in this day and age. 

No matter how much progress the universe went through, some ideas remained instilled in humans. Sleeping with others as a child is seen as cute and innocent. But as an adult…

Are you leading him on?

Either you're fuck buddies or you're not. There's no way two hot guys are just friends.

So when are you putting the moves on him, Koski?

You should've told me you had someone else.

“Sampo, Sampo!”

The thief opened his eyes. He's laying on top of Jing Yuan. A strong arm was holding him close while another was carefully holding his face. “Are you alright?” Concern was written all over his face. Golden hues stared hard. Watching each movement the Fool made.

“I'm… fine.” Sampo finally said, after regaining himself. He removes his body off of the other man. This reveals that the General was partly naked. His chest was exposed with no shirt on. Years of battle detailed on his skin with lacerations and scars. He did wear some loose sweatpants so he wasn't entirely naked.

Unlike Koski. He never liked to sleep with clothes on due to his unusually warm body. He wasn't a nudist however. He did have enough decency to wear underwear while he slept. The Fool makes himself sit at the edge of the bed. Fingers run through his hair. When did he start to sweat?

“You're not.” The bed shifted, and now Jing Yuan was sitting up as well. Worry was dripping from every word he spoke. “What's wrong? You know I can't help you if I don't know anything.”

From the corner of his eye he could see him looking right at him. Still looking worried for the old Fool. “I know you too well to know when something is up. Please, tell me what's wrong.” Then his eyes widened when he felt the General's hand on his bare shoulder.

Touch was something he craved for. That's why he was such a touchy feely person. Within reason of course. When others touch him, the Fool knows it's to get something out of him. Whether it's to slap him to put him in his place or sexual gratification, it was all take, take, take.

Those touches never gave him the comfort he wanted. Yet when Jing Yuan did it… It didn't feel that way. It felt honest like his feelings. The grip on his shoulder was meant to comfort the thief. Bracing him as he had done for his soldiers when they were too scared to go into battle. Or when Yanqing was too nervous for his exams. 

“We should stop this.” 

“Stop what?”

“This.” Sampo gestured at both of them. “It's not… normal.”

“I don't understand. What are we doing that isn't normal?”

Sleeping together Sampo wants to say. Yet he can't find the will to say it. “You're seeing someone, aren't you? I doubt they'd like it if they found out their partner is sleeping around.” 

Jing Yuan blinked. A partner? When did he… “Are you talking about the visit with the other Xianzhou Generals?”

He wasn't but Sampo will roll with it. “I heard one of them was interested in something a bit more than that. If they found out you were with someone, especially someone like me…” his reputation would go down the drain. As well as any romantic prospect. 

“Sampo, you know I'm not interested in such things.” Jing Yuan retorts.

“Well, some people are. And you should be more careful with who you go to bed with.” The Fool begins to rise from the bed only to be stopped by a hand on his shoulder. It's holding him back, preventing the man from leaving the bed.

“Sampo, what I do in the bedroom is my business.”

“And mine if I'm here in it.”

To this the General concedes. But not before bringing one simple question. “Is being in bed with me a problem, Sampo?”

After a few moments of silence does the thief answer. With a tired and exhausted “Yes.” The hold on his shoulder is released. With the warmth gone, it left him empty. “People are saying we are sleeping together. That I'm doing this to get some sort of favor out of you. The General's concubine, they call me.”

“I see…”

“Real friendships are hard to find in my line of work, Jing Yuan. That's why I treasure this friendship dearly. While you are an attractive man that anyone would be honored to sleep with, I only love you as a good friend or brother would love.”

The feeling was mutual on the General's side. But he could see why the anxiety was building on the thief. “I never assumed you would have slept with me for any reason other than genuine sleep.”

“I didn't either.” Sampo ran his fingers across his hair and laughed. A dry empty laugh.  “When you ignored my advances, I felt relief every time. It meant I didn't have to act more than I had to. But I kept doing it since I was expected to be a flirty man. A degenerate, a con man, a Fool, a—”

“A friend.” Once again a hand goes to his shoulder and gives a comforting grip. “I don't feel uncomfortable with this, nor do I care for baseless rumors. Back when the Quintet was still around, people assumed the same.”

Jing Yuan laughs. “The tales people spun revolving around us was quite fantastical. I should show you some books to show what I mean. However…” The comforting hand leaves him alone. A chill runs down the thief's spine. 

“I won't force you either. If it helps calms your worries, you know where the guest bedroom is.”

Sampo looks over at the General. Tears are forming and he's not sure why. “I— Did I say something wrong?”

“This isn't what I want either!” The Fool shouts.

“Then what do you want?”

“I…” The Fool shifts back over in bed. Before plunging head first into the General's chest. Desperate fingers grip onto the man's back. Clinging as if he'd disappear. “I don't want to hurt you. I don't want to be alone. I'm sorry, I'm sorry.”

What had Sampo endured to be like this? The man kept wavering between wanting to be a free bird yet tethered to someone. With a sigh, Jing Yuan stroked his back. In soft, soothing circles. Just as he had done for Yanqing when he got scared. “You don't have to decide right now. We can stay like this until you feel ready.”

The Fool wishes he could say he was sorry for being a selfish man. The only sound that comes out of him was a choked gasp.

It still pains the General that for someone like Koski, things like this don't roll off his back. Behind every smile, every laugh, there was that anxiety he failed to see in his dear friend. His hand comes up to stroke the Fool’s hair. Combing through the strands as he let out his cries. Maybe it was age or his own disposition to not caring about such things. But for Jing Yuan, sleeping in bed with someone meant nothing.

Well not nothing. Sleep meant trust in one another. And the act of sex, while highly desirable for most people, wasn't for the General. It seemed like for Sampo, this was the same thing. Though unlike Sampo, Jing Yuan made peace with it. He learned to understand this bit about himself. But for the Fool? Only Sampo had the answer to that.