queen of the clouds

Hey, I have never actually used tumblr much in terms of actually like posting stuff but a friend told me talking to people about this would probably help and I thought well maybe someone can help me on tumblr after i looked at a lot of posts about the subject.

Here it goes I guess. I’m bisexual, I know this for a while now and it’s something about me that doesn’t confuse me anymore. And I thought that was it, like I have myself figured out I know all I need to know. Recently, I realised, I know jack shit. Yes, I’m bisexual. That’s easy. It was easy to label and identify when i accepted that I did not only wanted to kiss boys.

Here comes the problem, I’m not sure I want to fall in love with anyone. Or can, really. I had a few relationships, they ended, I ended them. I’m always very uncomfortable in romantic settings. It just takes a lot from me to act in love, I don’t think I have been in love actually. Looking at the relationships that I had they all feel a lot to me like friendships that fell apart when people wanted more of me.

I think I’m aromantic, is where I’m getting with this unnecessary rant. I think I confused close friendships with romantic things and fucked all to hell. But I’m not sure because feelings are stupid and I have a very difficult time grasping and describing them. And also, I’m pretty sure I’m not romantic repulsed. Like, couples and ships and all that, I love reading about, I love seeing on movies I think it’s very cute. I just don’t feel that? Maybe? Or maybe I feel but it’s very small? I don’t know. I’m confused, it’s the whole point of this.

This shit is getting too long and I’m feeling too exposed. Maybe I’ll delete this right after I post, I don’t know.

THE POINT IS can someone aro pls talk to me? I know it must be super annoying talking with someone who is very lost, but I think it would really help me and I would be very thankful. If anyone can help me, thank you a lot. If you can’t, it’s okay I totally get it. I’m researching all I can I just think maybe talking with someone will help me. I don’t know.