Bortie

I really love when cats use their front legs to hold something in place while they use their back legs to kick the absolute shit out of it

it's Tuesday all day today and there's no known way to prevent this

see unfortunately I have this condition where if I am not explicitly told that I am a part of the ingroup then I will assume I must be part of the outgroup

complimented a womans clear raincoat this morning and she said Well i feel like a sandwich

Bloopers are movie aftercare and it’s fucked up that we got rid of them

I’m ready to be transformed by the ibuprofen . I’m ready to be born again in its purifying light.

dude honestly shout out to my guards i told them to seize this guy and before i could even finish my sentence they soze him. My goats

The exception is cheesy local commercials. Those should be the only ads. I will listen to someone who runs a store in my city doing an awkward rap. We once had a furniture store with these awful CGI ads and the slogan "where the deals are so low, it's almost criminal!" and then they got shut down, by the cops, because it turned out. It turned out the deals were so low because. You're not going to believe this but the prices were so low it was in fact

mammals whenever they encounter any sort of problem: hold on let me secrete a useful fluid

i would like to officially thank sesame for its seeds, its oil, and of course its street