Just trying to be Cool

because theyd rather someone stay terrible or just straight up die than become a better person 

from a compassionate point of view it’s deeply distressing and from a pragmatic point of view it’s outright frustrating

‘Rat Park’ -Stuart McMillen

“Maybe you should marry that thing since you love it so much. Do you want to marry it. WELL I WONT LET YOU. how does that feel?”

“Nice job breaking it, hero”

“Look at you. sailing through the air majestically. Like an eagle…piloting a blimp”

“Well done. Here come the test results: You are a horrible person. I’m serious, that’s what it says: A horrible person. We weren’t even testing for that.”

“Wait. This next test DOES require some explanation. Let me give you the fast version- [unintelligible] There. If you have any questions, just remember what I said in slow motion. Test on your own recognizance, I’ll be right back.”

“This next test involves turrets. You remember them, right? They’re the pale spherical things that are full of bullets. Oh wait. That’s you in five seconds. Good luck.”

“That jumpsuit you’re wearing looks stupid. That’s not me talking, it’s right here in your file. On other people it looks fine, but right here a scientist has noted that on you it looks stupid. Well, what does a neck-bearded old engineer know about fashion? He probably - Oh, wait. It’s a she. Still, what does she know? Oh wait, it says she has a medical degree. In fashion! From France!”

“Oh, hi. How are you holding up? Because I’m a POTATO.”

 You are the first one to figure out the obvious: Do not chase the cat. The cat is befriendable. Get the cat to trust you, to genuinely enjoy your company, and you can hang out with the cat. You may eventually be allowed to touch the cat. The cat will freely let you take the key.